Bedtime routines with more than 1

[Toddler101]

Talk me through your bedtime routines with a 3yo and 3m old before I boil my head.

In bath together, older one getting a longer splash while baby dried and dressed. Older one dried and dressed while younger one chilling or sometimes gettting worked up but is only for a few minutes. Baby being fed while older one has a couple of stories. (I never made up bottles so I guess would need an extra step there if relevant).

Older one lights out while baby is still feeding/falling asleep in arms. Sit with older if needs be or retire to wherever baby is sleeping in evening.

That's when I was on my own. If DH was home from work then it's divide and conquer.

At that age- I put my 3 year old to bed and stayed up feeding my newborn until they fell asleep, sometimes 10pm

Meant to type 3yr old in bed at 7

Mine was 4.5 and 3 mo twins but one of us did bed with elder and twins stayed up until we went to bed, in which bath etc can be done once eldest down.

3yo and 5mo here.

Bathe both children together. Get baby out first and get him dressed for bed whilst toddler plays in bath. Get toddler out of bath and dressed for bed. Read both a story. Give baby to my husband whilst I lie down with toddler. When toddler asleep take baby back and feed him where he'll sleep on my lap until I go up to bed.

If no assistance from my husband I feed baby to sleep before laying down with 3yo - but that's less reliable and so I enlist help when I can!

I have 5,3 & 6 month old and often do bedtime solo. We have good nights and harder ones- depending on naps, I either put the baby down first at about 6.30pm so she’s asleep before I do the other two, or as pp says just keep her up with me until later.

I usually leave my eldest reading in bed for 15 mins whilst I settle 3 year old who then falls asleep with a Tonie playing and I then go back and settle eldest

And I only do baths every other night (sure that will horrify some!) as that’s an absolute mission with all 3 solo

My best tip is to feed baby while oldest eats. Then bath as others have described. Baby was put in moses basket while I did toddler bedtime sometimes she fell asleep sometimes she didn't. I then gave her a dream feed at 10pm.

3 year old and a 4 month old. If I’m doing bedtime alone I bath them both together. Get the oldest out of the bath and get dressed in pjs in the bathroom while the baby splashes in the bath. Get baby out and take them both through to my bedroom where the oldest lays in bed watching in the night garden while I cream and dress baby and give her a bottle. Then settle baby to sleep in her cot. Watch the rest of in the night garden with the oldest then take him through to his room where we have bedtime stories before lights out.

Never usually allow screen time at bath and bed but if DH isn’t home which is fairly often then just using whatever works for now to get through this the baby stage. When the baby is a bit older it will be easier to do bedtime stories all together I hope.

If DH is home I do baby’s bath and bed first then he baths DS and puts him to bed.

This is what I did:

Fed baby while toddler ate tea.
Bathed together, toddler washed baby's feet. Took baby out, dried, dressed and fed again while toddler played in bath. Sat in loo and fed baby. Put contented baby on the mat, got toddler out dried and dressed.
Took both into my bedroom, fed baby while reading stories with toddler. Put baby asleep into Next2me.

This is where it went awry!! Baby woke themself up with wind as soon as set down, toddler wanted 100% of my attention and didn't want to wait any longer. Toddler didn't want to lie down in my bed or go into their own room/bed. Baby filled their nappy. Both screaming and screaming, needing/wanting me at the same time.

I prioritised baby because, well, baby. Should I have?

How do I do it without tears next time?

Could baby go in a sling on you once fed and ready for bed??

would toddler lie and listen to an audio book in own room whilst you put baby down and then return to settle them?

it’s hard, it’s definitely my peak time of everyone needing me all at once so I feel you! X

I have 3yo and 3mo. I try and put 99% of my attention on 3yo and get them settled into bed first. After older one is asleep I can then sort baby and attempt to get them settled.
Baby would be in sling or bouncer whilst I'm sorting older one.
If they end up in your scenario with both crying, I would still try and settle older one first (usually whilst juggling holding baby)

I've got a 6yr old and a 10 week old.

At 7pm I bath baby. 6yr old plays downstairs and helps Dad tidy up. While I'm feeding baby, 6yr old gets into shower. By the time I finish feeding baby and put her to bed, 6yr old is ready to get out. Dad helps him get dressed while I shower. Read bedtime stories to 6yr old. Tuck him in.

By this point it's 8:15pm.

Oh if husband is at work, 6yr old comes upstairs with me and watches TV or plays in his room until baby sister is in bed.

Run bath put both in,
Youngest shits in bath,
Get both out,
Shower both while they both cry,
Put towel around oldest,
Dry youngest and take both to bed for story,
Youngest tears page from book making oldest break down crying.
Actually ask someone else I've got no advice I'm just ranting. If anyone gives you some great advice please @ me

We never did bath at every bedtime. If i was on my own with both, then i would put baby down whilst getting DD into pjs and teeth done.
Then DD into bed and i would hold baby while i read a quick story. Then kiss, lights out and then back downstairs with baby for the evening.

If both were crying i would deal with older one as they say older one is more likely to remember. If baby was really inconsolable or needed a good feed, then i told DD she would need to wait and would either get her to play with some toys or her kindle in her room until i had settled the baby

Ok so next time deal with inconsolable older one first instead of the inconsolable soiled and hungry baby, does that sound about right? Leaving one crying hurts my heart!

Then DD into bed and i would hold baby while i read a quick story. Then kiss, lights out and then back downstairs with baby for the evening. This is what I was aiming for/intending, If only I had such an agreeable toddler as your DD sounds @Youcancallmeirrelevant.

Baby could go in a sling (spends most of the day in one) but toddler would not like that and would lash out. Baby is in the sling lots to enable toddler and I to get out every day

I did ask toddler to go and read stories in their room while I settle baby but toddler didn't want to miss out on mummy time and hates that baby sleeps in my room.

😩

But the baby isn't hungry hungry, in your OP it sounds like cluster feeding, so they have been fed recently, so they are fine for a few minutes while you settle the other one. Same as a dirty nappy, it can wait 5/10mins, it doesn't need to be changed instantly in this situation.

Your toddler needs to learn now that, and actually a 3yo is not a toddler anymore, they are a child and you need to be explaining to them that things have changed, and treating them.like a child not a toddler. Lashing out at the baby in a sling is unacceptable behaviour and needs to be dealt with as such. Explain why baby has to sleep in your room, how they were in your room at the same age, and soon baby will be in their own room too.

My DD wasn't always happy with the bedtime routine, but it was what it was, i had to split my time between her and the baby. It wasn't up for debate. We had plenty of time together each day, and i had time with just the baby too.

@Youcancallmeirrelevant

All that talk about how things have changed and toddler is growing up, we do. We do with books and looking at pictures of toddler as a baby and with support from preschool to reinforce, too.

We had plenty of time together each day, and i had time with just the baby too. How do you manage this when baby can't(shouldn't) be in another room? Time with toddler is always with baby,and time with just the baby is fine on a preschool day (part time) but near impossible on othé days.

Baby has always had day time naps in the pushchair in the hallway. So baby goes down for a nap and i would then watch a film with DD, or play with some toys. Maybe my DDs expectations are lower as i'm not and never have been a parent that 'plays all the time'. Even before we had the 2nd, she has toys to play with and puzzles etc,i join in or do a puzzle with her but she entertains herself. Put baby in the pushchair and go out for a walk to the shops or park and DD could scoot or ride her bike.

For the first 3 months baby has a lot of day time sleep and spent a lot of time in the puschair.

I was also very clear with DD that while their sibling was very little this is how things would be, i was maybe a lot more direct in my approach than you are being (i've never read a book to them about growing up...).

Everyone parents differently, you have to find an approach you are happy with, but it is only going to get harder as maybe gets more active and mobile and takes more of your attention away from the older one.

You don't mention their father or a DP so presuming you are on your own?

Aw OP I think you just have to accept that at this stage bedtimes won’t always go well and there will be tears from one or both but as long as they both get to bed clean, fed and settle down to sleep then that’s a win and you can go about your evening.

Some nights might go well others not so much but it’s all just a phase. There was no way I could have bathed mine together for the first couple of months as my three year old hated it when the baby so much as made a noise let alone cried and would get hysterical but that all seems ages ago now and he’s fine. Your bed time sounds fine, although I know how stressful it can feel when they’re both crying. I leave the baby to cry more than I would have with my first while I’m seeing to DS because that’s just the nature of things with more than one child and you can’t split yourself in two or be in two places at once. It’ll get easier as they both get older and used to each other.

It's all hazy now possibly because I've erased the memories due to PTSD but I definitely remember just clamping the baby on my boob for as long as it took to give toddler lots of story time and attention etc. And then only took him off once she was in bed. I would not have tried to get the 3mo to bed at that point as at that age he wasn't going down for the night until later. So bedtime for toddler at 7ish was just about keeping him as quiet as poss so she could have lots of attention. Then we'd put the baby down at about 9pm I think, by which point she was sound asleep.

As a PP says, there will almost always be tears from one or both. Don't worry. Someone told me to go to the toddler if they're both yelling as they're more likely to remember!

Light at the end of the tunnel for you: mine are now 6 and nearly 3 and solo bedtimes are a lot easier- it's the young'un that now needs all the attention and the eldest sits in her room and draws/writes.

@Youcancallmeirrelevant

Baby has always had day time naps in the pushchair in the hallway. So baby goes down for a nap and i would then watch a film with DD, or play with some toys. Mine will only nap when held or in the sling, so I'm never hands free to give the toddler the 1:1 attention they crave.

Maybe my DDs expectations are lower as i'm not and never have been a parent that 'plays all the time'. Even before we had the 2nd, she has toys to play with and puzzles etc,i join in or do a puzzle with her but she entertains herself. Yep, mine is the same (or was, before baby). Toddler tantrums playing games now if I'm holding baby while trying to engage.

i was maybe a lot more direct in my approach than you are being (i've never read a book to them about growing up...). Reading stories has nothing to do with being direct 😆 Presumably from this then you never read stories with your little one about potty training, growing family/new sibling arriving/starting nursery etc (all stories about growing up) and that's ok. My little one loves stories so we never miss an opportunity to read them, especially if we come across ones that toddler can relate to or are relevant to our lives. Helps toddler to learn and understand. And we do love stories.

Put baby in the pushchair and go out for a walk to the shops or park and DD could scoot or ride her bike. We go out every day with baby in sling but that's not really 1:1 time with toddler, is it?

You don't mention their father or a DP so presuming you are on your own? DP works away for lengths of time, and frequently. Usually we divide and conquer. Away at the moment.

@Miriam101
bedtime for toddler at 7ish was just about keeping him [baby] as quiet as poss so she could have lots of attention. Toddler tantrums if I'm holding baby at bedtime so I have to try and get baby down first so I can then settle toddler. Maybe I'm setting my exoect5and goalposts too high!

Someone told me to go to the toddler if they're both yelling as they're more likely to remember! This is a very good point. Will try and focus on toddler instead of baby if I can!