Anyone else feel pushed out being the only woman in the house?

[CJM88]

I’m a mum of a boy already and 36 weeks pregnant with a second boy. Definitely don’t want anymore after this one and can’t help but feel sad that I’ll never have a girl.
I just feel like I’m the cleaner, cook and caretaker of the house and no one’s even bothered if I’m around. My husband gets to be the funny playful one all the time whilst I’m doing all the jobs trying to keep on top of everything so I’m the boring one! Not sure if I’m just be hormonal but this is how I’m feeling at the minute 😔. Just feel like I want my life back and I may as well not be around.

I feel like a cleaner and general dogs body and I have a boy and a girl. It’s a shit feeling and something you need to work out with your partner before resentment builds. I’d have a direct conversation about how you feel with your partner. I did and it has worked mostly with my husband. Annoys me that I have to have that talk but I don’t think it’s unusual sadly. Many men still don’t seem to pull their weight childcare.

This sounds like anxiety/depression and your DH not pulling his weight. You can bring up your sons to do things round the house just as you would a daughter. How old is your eldest? Can you teach him to help? I'm sure he adores you and is really happy you're around.

Dont give yourself that role!

And if you are in that role, it would be the same with daughters too. They wouldnt find you fun cleaning and cooking and doing chores either.

I have boys and i try really hard to make sure I do the fun stuff too. There's a certain element of doing what they find fun rather than me, currently car shows.

Get stuck in and have some fun with them! Get your dh to take over some of the chores (he should be doing this anyway) and dont let yourself become the skivvy

It isn’t the fact you’re the only girl. He isn’t doing his share. My child’s dad has our 18 month old and an almost 10 year old and the levels he goes to for a 10 year old is unreal! But if they wanted to they would. I can’t complain about the house work it’s just my daughters needs he rarely meets but he’s the fun parent. You need to vocalise this

I love it, I'm a mum of two boys and my husband has a son so a stepmum too. Yesterday after work my youngest (18 year old) and I sat in the garden, me with a glass of wine and him with a beer catching up and then later on my other son and stepson all had dinner, great night.

I'm close with them all and don't feel at all 'cheated' that I didn't have a girl.

No, because my husband isn't a misogynist who thinks household chores and the worst bits of parenting are my job.

You’ve really missed a bit chunk of the issue.

And yes, your husband needs to step up and do his share.

It gets easier I promise x

When your boys are older you can teach them how to help around the house too and your DH as well obviously. My boys are 14 and 12 now they take turns cleaning their bathroom and they also help hoovering/sweeping/polishing etc when asked. The oldest will occasionally iron a few t shirts and the younger will help cook.

My 5yo dd tho - she is a drama Queen if asked to help sweep her crumbs or wipe her dinner mat/tidy her toys etc...

@Weallgottachangesometime you're right and I apologise, the husband definitely needs to step up and do his share. Didn't mean to offend.

In my house the girl was the laziest.

Mum of 3 boys here. Don't relate at all. Definitely a dh problem- unless you'd be putting girls to work cooking and cleaning from babyhood I don't see how having daughters would change your issue tbh.

This is a DH problem - and that’s coming from a man!
Gender shouldn’t dictate roles within the home - it certainly doesn’t in ours

If you are doing all the cooking, cleaning, housework etc. that is nothing to do with the sex of your children. It sounds like you have a sexist & unfair set up in your marriage?

He'd be the same if you had girls. I'm also sure you don't expect your boys to grow up treating women like shit.

You have a husband problem. Why are you doing everything?

I have three sons and I don't feel like this. Actually we joke that DS2 thinks only men do cleaning and women never do, because DH is more proactive with cleaning than me.

Get your DH to step up!

Absolutely not. First and foremost DH and I are a partnership, he has always pulled his weight for day one, I am not a slave. And as the boys have got older they do too, they tidy their own rooms, help out around the house etc. I am good friends with my boys, we have hobbies that I only do with each of them, 1:1 time is key, as well as carving time with your spouse.

Having a daughter would not in anyway help with how you're feeling, would you expect her to start picking up after your DH and son?

Someone else on here a long time ago came up with the great idea that a designated time is both do a housework blitz. So it might be Sunday morning and it might be you change bed linen and vacuum bedrooms and he cleans bathrooms. You get the gist. With two little ones you might need to stagger the hours but it sets a precedent.

I took my younger boy to a chess thing last weekend and am taking the older one canoeing on Sunday. It’s not a boy thing, it’s a crap partner thing.

What I find odd about your post is that you feel left out because of being the only woman and therefore doing all chores. As though if you had a girl you would have someone to else to share it with.

The issue here is your DH, and the message you are giving to your son(s) - that housework is a woman’s role and the man is the fun parent.

It’s not the fact that you will have 2 boys, it’s the fact that your DH is lazy.
Make sure you bring up your sons to pull their weight. Think of their future partners and don’t allow history to repeat itself.

Nope.

I'm a wife and a mum of three boys. If anything, I'm Queen of the Family .

My ddil has got her DH (my son) well in order. He does his fair share of housework and taking care of the DC. She'd make his life a misery if he didn't! Well done her!