What does grounded for 12 year mean in your house

[Overitx]

He has done something really really bad. I usually don’t go down too hard on him.

after his recent behaviour he is grounded for 2 weeks. I have taken phone, play station, he isn’t going out the house without us. I have also told him to stay in his room except for meals.

Grounded means not leaving the house to do fun stuff.

If it is really bad that sounds like a fair grounding. It all depends on what he did.

Urm that just sounds cruel to me but hey ho

Except for the room bit I think.

Use it as an opportunity to bond and fix what has gone wrong.

Would not confine to room!

Grounded means not going out other than school. The xbox etc is fair but not sure about him staying in his room for 2 weeks....

Except for saying in room everything else is fair enough. You can use the grounded time to work out how to ensure something like this doesn't happen again.

Phone and PlayStation removed - yes.
Not allowed to leave the house without you - definition of being grounded

But making him stay in his room? Not so sure about this one, he still needs to feel part of the family.

I think imprisoning a child in their room for weeks at a time is a type of child cruelty/abuse, that goes beyond grounding.

He has been pushing the boundaries for the last year and isn’t improving. He was involved in stealing from a class mate and spending it. So pretty bad. I have matched him to the door to pay it back and apologise but I’m at my wits ends. He isn’t learning in fact he’s getting worse.

Op, if you're confining him to his room because you can't bear to be with him cos of what he's done, it could really backfire for you.

Can you share more (or an equivalent) of what he has done so we can help you a bit more? Others may have experience or may see it slightly differently for you.

Perhaps you’d be better to give him some jobs to do?

I wouldn't ground a 12 yr old for 2 wks, remove the Xbox and send him to his room for the night without his phone but that would be it for me.

This says more about your controlling behaviour as a parent.

If you carry on like this he'll just go off the rails with frustration over the years
His behaviour will be intolerable to others as he tries to live up to your maybe unattainable expectations
They is so much to unpick here

Just sit down and talk it through so you know he really understands what he's done wrong

Really you should be asking what the best form of punishment should be for the bad behaviour he has displayed

You're just treating him like a caged animal at the moment and expecting us to condone it

Ha ha. Okay. I’m the least controlling parent I know. He has a lot of freedom compared to peers. I won’t keep him in the room for 2 weeks. Just another day or so.

Do you have any idea what it motivating the behaviour? Bored? Peer pressure? He doesn’t need the money I’m guessing.
How does he explain himself? Does he show any understanding of how his behaviour impacts the victim or his family?
I wouldn’t be keeping him in his room. Can he do jobs to pay back what was stolen? Will there be sanctions from school?

Why did he feel the need to steal from a classmate ?

Was it opportunistic or did he genuinely want / need money.

How much pocket money does he get? Etc etc

it's not normal to steal like this so it does raise red flags

He gets £50 a month and no doesn’t need the money. It was peer pressure and being the class clown.

Was it a dare? Sometimes it can be and just might not want to grass his friends up ?

Him and another boy were egging each other on. It was purely to show off.

Ah ok in which case it if it was peer pressure

He needs your unconditional love and support right now and long chats about it.

Is is doing this to gain friends? Does he feel he's not included enough etc etc is he being manipulated by bullies etc
get to the bottom of this for his sake

Give him a warm supportive space to talk it through

Then give him another bollocking to ensure he never steaks again

*steals

Grounding means not going out, but in our house it was always an opportunity to reconnect so shut in his room isn't going to help with that.
On one occasion for each of mine, when they'd really pushed it, we also stopped them going to their sports training/ matches. It was very important to them and probably had more impact than anything else to realise that the chauffeuring around to matches every weekend was a privilege not a right.

Be quiet 🙄