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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you leave your baby/child sleeping in bed..........

109 replies

Flumberrysauce · 10/12/2004 16:06

........... to go and pick someone up?

I ask this because my SIL used to do this about once a week to go and pick my brother up from a bar. They live in Japan. She's Japanese and said it took about 30 mins in total, she wasn't particularly happy about it but wasn't any other way for him to get home and taxis crippling over there. She didn't seem to think it was that big a deal though.

But I spose if they never wake up..... I dunno, I can't decide if its ok or not.

I've nearly popped out to shop before when baby asleep then remembered at the door that we have a baby and she's asleep in other room!

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biglips · 11/12/2004 12:27

no way i could do it as i would feel guilty as anything could to ya baba ie baba could vomit and choke on sick..

Stilltrue · 11/12/2004 13:27

I would never leave a baby alone asleep, unless it's for putting out rubbish, quickly reparking the car if it's previously been in a bad spot,etc. As someone said, even with a monitor, what about a fire? or a gas leak?
I occasionally leave ds1 and/or ds2 alone for short periods, but only when I have to. They are 9 and 11, and aren't allowed to use anything electical while I'm away. A child needs to have the maturity to cope with an emergency, to know how to dial 999 etc., giving out the address, not to blab to casual callers on the phone that we're not in, not to answer the door (but maybe use the intercom/ look out of the window if necessary). They also have to be phsically big enough to just vacate the house quickly and easily in the event of eg a really big fire. All these things are worst case but they need to be prepared, and I think 9 or 10 is my personal limit. I first did this when ds1 was alone for 20mins aged 10. He had my mobile number, etc. He was fine!

TwasTheNightBeforeXmasOwl · 12/12/2004 03:10

strange incident today...i was shopping with my mother. she was by the car and i was taking the trolley back. i saw an old friend and stopped for a chat. mum then joined us. we were just by the car but a 4x4 was blocking ds's view of us. i suddenly heard such a commotion and opened the car door to see him crying. mom hadnt told him where she was. he was so upset. we were just a few ft away. makes all the difference i think.

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whitepixmas · 12/12/2004 19:45

My washing machine is in the cellar, two floors down. Since I couldn't carry ds and a basket of laundry (especially down treacherous cellar steps) I used to have to wait until he was asleep and rush down there and back. I hated every second I was down there and would be imagining all sorts of things. As he got older I would leave him in the playpen so I KNEW he was safe, but even so, if I heard him crying as I came out of the cellar I would practically kill myself running the rest of the way! How come I never seemed to get any fitter?!
I've never been able to leave my kids in the car while I paid for petrol either. Still can't even though they are coming up to 9 and 5 and I can watch the car the whole time. I did it once when I had my mum's dog in there (to stop the car being stolen!)but was a nervous wreck.

I do worry about them being older and HAVING to let go a bit. Not sure how I'm going to manage it. My friend told me that the first time she let her ds walk all the way to school on his own she had to lean against the front door to stop herself running after him.

BTW worrying about fire is not being paranoid. We have had a serious fire here (had to move out for three months) and it was terrifying how quickly it took hold. I know for a fact that if it had happened at night none of us would be here now. I was out when it happened but luckily my dh was upstairs with the children and was able to get them out straight away. It is unlikely that anyone could have got in to rescue them otherwise as the smoke was so thick that even with breathing apparatus the firemen could only go in for a few minutes at a time. They actually said that if they had arrived a few minutes later they could not have saved the building. I had only been out for half an hour when it happened!

fisilhohoho · 12/12/2004 19:54

I once had to move the car off the drive onto the street. DP rang and asked me to do it - or wait until he arrived at 4am to do it then. I was really really unhappy, and I could see the house the whole time and he is a really good sleeper (he was about 15 months at the time). DP said it was just like putting out the rubbish or sitting out in the garden. Yes, but somehow the bit where I left the bit of land I own was the bit I still feel awful about.

I know it's paranoid, but it's safe!

wrapmefestively · 13/12/2004 09:52

No wouldn't leave the kids in the house alone, but I can see no harm in leaving them in the car whilst I pay for petrol when I can see the car at all times. No way that I would haul both an 8 month old and a protesting 2.5 year old out of their car seats just to pay for petrol, and then moments later strap them back in again. That would be insane.

lisalisa · 16/12/2004 12:14

Message withdrawn

pixiefish · 16/12/2004 12:40

whitepixmas- how awful for you all. Is everyone over the shock now?

Petesmum · 16/12/2004 13:04

Absolutely not . No matter what the babies / toddlers age there is no excuse for leaving them at home alone. What would the poor baby think it woke up ? How would you SIL feel if something serious happended whilst she was out ? I think your brother should rethink his social life and not ask his wife to make that sort of decision (sorry if this comment upsets you)

Eulalia · 16/12/2004 13:13

No way! I have only ever run across the road to the post box.

whitepixmas · 16/12/2004 15:05

Yes thanks Pixiefish, we are all over it now. We did have a VERY lucky escape though and knowing how quickly it happened and how much damage was done, I could never leave children on their own in a house. Btw, we had only got our electrical safety certificate a couple of months before (which we have to have every year for entertainments licence)so it's not as though the wiring was neglected or anything like that. It really was completely out of the blue.

Do you know, it was 2 years ago yet my hands are shaking as I'm typing this?

pixiefish · 17/12/2004 08:07

Don't blame you whitepixmas- I'd be a nervous wreck as well. You say you have a license for ents- does that mean you have a pub?

nailpolish · 17/12/2004 08:32

dh had his works xmas night out last night and phoned me at 1130 to say he had missed the last train home, but there was a train in 5 mins to a stop thats halfway home. he asked if i would pick him up. he was only a wee bit drunk but i was pretty mad. its a 40 min round trip, even if it was 5 mins couldnt have left dd's in house, didnt even cross my mind actually.

anyway, had to wake both of them up and bundle them into car, crying. when i got into car the fuel light came on - bloody typical. maybe i could have got petrol on way home but didnt want to chance it. so went to the petrol station which was quite dark and deserted. got some petrol (dd's now asleep in the back of car) and then had to go into shop-bit to pay. shop assistant must have been in loo or something cos she was AGES (or felt like it) and i stood the whole time panicking that i had left dd's in the car (couldnt see the car) and that someone would come and steal my car with them in it. it was horrible, maybe i should have taken them in to the shop with me but that sounds daft now, didnt know what to do it was HORRIBLE. shouted at dh when met him at station and dd's never went down to sleep til 2am!

Hulababy · 17/12/2004 08:50

How scary whitepixmas.

stitch · 17/12/2004 09:14

oh for gods sake, why is everyone so paranoid?

in the past, everyone used to leave their kids alone for a while. in fact when kids went out to play, their mom's had no idea where they were. i remember wlking home from school at the age of seven. every one did it. no one batted an eye. it was normal.when i was younger, dad used to leave my sister asleep in the house whilst he went to get me from nursery. didnt take very long, but that was considered okish.
i have left my dd asleep in the cot to go get her brother from playgroup. BUT have always caqlled either my dh, or my parents to tell them i am leaving, and am back, ten minutes later.

yes, anything bad couldhappen. but this way she gets a complete restful nap. her brother gets picked up on time. and if i did have a car accident and didnt return and call my dh, then that would also be dealt with.
if we were all as paranoid about ourselves as we are with our kids, then none would ever get anything done. or even out of bed....

stitch · 17/12/2004 09:17

oh, and theperson who wont leave a 12 year old alone in the house. tell me, how are they supposed to learn responsibilty? how to take care of themselves? because in four years time, this child will be legally capable of doing.... well everything and adult can. or worse, she may be responsible for a littel baby of her own. unless you teach your child about life, let them take some responsibilty, then how will they know what is 'safe' and what isnt?

whitepixmas · 17/12/2004 13:01

Yes Pixiefish, it's a pub, but we are leaving in jan after ten years so a bit sad despite all our dramas!!

pixiefish · 17/12/2004 14:30

whitepixmas- what will you do when you leave the pub then?

SueW · 17/12/2004 14:53

Having just got back form another trip to Switzerland, I wanted to comment on what I've seen there and how different it is.

Over there it is commonplace, even in a big city like Geneva which has thousands of non-Swiss and tourists around, for the children to travel to/from school unaccompanied. I saw children travelling alone on buses who were younger than my just 8yo DD. And my friend's 5yo walks herself home from Kinder every day (takes 15 mins or so and involves crossing several roads).

Empress · 17/12/2004 15:02

On the subject, check this out! news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_midlands/4105293.stm
woman left 2 kids, inc a 6yr old, while she went on holiday!

sugaralmond · 17/12/2004 15:02

No, no, no absolutely not - it only takes a second for something to happen - mine were all sick last week and contemplated running to shop (2 mins away) for something as DD was fast asleep - DS1 is 8 and would have been ok but decided against it. My mother left my DS1 on his own about 3-4 years ago to go to the shop - I ate her

whitepixmas · 17/12/2004 15:06

Dh already does twice weekly Karaoke in the pub and he's going to become 'mobile'. He's been approached by lots of people and got some regular bookings organised so fingers crossed! He's also been asked to join a band and we have a small t-shirt printing business which we should now have the time to expand.

turquey · 17/12/2004 15:11

I remember leaving my mum babysitting ds when he was about 4, he was a bit under the weather so she wanted to get some hot chocolate for him, and left him tucked up on the sofa while she went across the road to the corner shop (10 minutes maximum). She couldn't understand why I was annoyed.
Where I live now, all the kids over about 6 walk to and from school, there are crossing guards on every main road, and it's just normal.
I have a french friend who leaves her 3 and 7 year olds for 20 minutes night and morning to do the station run for her dh. I couldn't do that - but I will leave ds (nearly 10) and dd (6) for up to about 15 minutes, if they're awake and I'm not going far. They both know how to phone my mobile or the police or a neighbour, not to touch the cooker or anything, and not to answer the door to anyone. I wouldn't leave them alone at night, and it's only over the last year that I've started to leave them at all.

bakedpotatohoho · 17/12/2004 15:13

I think the Swiss have it about right

Original poster

Flumberrysauce · 17/12/2004 15:19

Just to add to this, maybe should start another one. The baby in question was between 1 - 2, she v. rarely woke in night and could not get out of cot so couldn't cause herself any damage. Yes house could have burned down etc. or something could have happened to her while out. Anyway, she doesn't do it anymore as they have two cars now

I do leave baby asleep in car outside my mums house in drive, rather than disturb her. Lock the car and leave window open. Dp thinks is dreadful!! And I go to flat down hall for drinks with baby monitor, he thinks thats ok - go figure.

But.............. I cannot go and get petrol when baby with me and leave her in car. I imagine that someone will steal car WITH MY BABY IN IT.

My mum laughs at how protective we all are nowadays. She said she used to park us outside the shops while she went in either in a pram or in the car - when awake. She still gets irritated that people take prams and pushchairs into small shops when they could leave them outside. But I don't know ANYONE who would leave a baby in a pram outside a shop nowadays. And I might add nor would she now as the culture has shifted.

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