Am I being irrational and dogmatic?

[seasidemama]

My HV (equivalent - we're in Sweden) has recommended that I get DD (5 weeks) a dummy. Every inch of me winced and thought "Aargh - Nooooo". Presumably she could tell from my face that I wasn't keen asked me why, and was it an English thing. Despite my kneejerk reaction I couldn't actually think of an answer. So is there anything wrong with dummies or am I just being a bit ridiculous?

People have different views on dummies.
Some research suggests dummies help prevent SIDS.
I used a dummy for both of mine from about that age until they could get to sleep on there own as they used to use me as a human dummy or they would be sucking a finger to get to sleep
Only problem is if they get reliant on a dummy for sleeping you get woken up anyway because you keep having to pop it back in

Don't get one if that's how you feel. Is your dd restless?

Best advice my HV ever gave me was to put all my pre-baby prejudices to one side and just do what worked best for me.

If your baby really wants to suck a lot, who knows it might be just the thing.

Both mine were "sucky". I stuck to my anti-dummy views and spent months with wet fingers and sore arms as he like sucking my fingers. No chance with dd and when she cried and a (peadiatrician) friend's house and the friend offered a dummy, in it went. Marvellous. We chucked them all out at around 8 months when she was old enough to find her thumb if she wanted.

I have used them for both dd's, i found them a god send as dd's fed all the time (hv recomended a dummy) but this was at 1 week. I would say if you have manged so far without one and you are happy not using them then don't use one.

She's not restless usually - but she's just "found" her hands and gets dreadfully frustrated that she can't keep it in her mouth. I'm not sure why the HV suggested it really, I just think it's a standard thing here and she was surprised we didn't have one.

If I do get one are there any things you should/shouldn't do? I'm worried about creating a dependency.

My mum was very anti-dummies and consequently when mine were born so was I - what a mistake.

DD2 is now nearly 12 and we have had a long hard slog in getting her to stop sucking her thumb, it has pushed her jaw forward and she now has to wear braces; maybe that would have happened anyway but it was hell to get her to break the habit in order to be allowed the braces....had she been given a dummy then we would have been able to wean her off it earlier.

Is there a specific reason why your HV suggested it? I must admit I didn't like the idea of dummies either (no idea why, just inbuilt prejudice!) before DD was born but I had one on hand in the drawer 'just in case'. She never really took to it and it never worked to 'pacify' her but it was quite useful on a few occasions like not disturbing my brother in law's wedding when she was seven weeks old (although MIL did exclaim 'what's that doing in her mouth!). I don't think there's any evidence that they are harmful in any way (anyone else?), and I was reassured by the Baby Whisperer who pointed out that some small babies just like sucking and until they find their fingers/thumbs it's a useful thing to have around. Most of my friends found their babas just stopped using them naturally after a few months. I know exactly where you are coming from but there's no harm in giving it a go if it might help you or baba. It's just another possible tool to get you through the early days, really. Still don't like the idea of older babies using them, to be honest, but then I've never been in that situ and others might have another point of view.

SOme babies are more 'sucky' than others - DS never had a dummy but never seemed to want one either. IF yours likes to suck a lot then a dummy won't do her any harm though it's better to lost it abefore she's 1 as it can delay speech development a bit.

I gave both of mine a dummy for the reasons wisteria said. I sucked my thumb until I was 14 and my fixed brace was fitted. I had to wear it for 3 years and also had elastics and head gear- the works....so no question that my dc's were having dummies if they were 'sucky'.

I believe that dummies can sometimes interfere with establishing breastfeeding in the early weeks, so are not always recommended if you are breastfeeding. Babies that need to suck to stimulate supply may be displacing their sucking onto a dummy instead.

I didn't really want a dummy for my dd, but at 6 weeks got one purely for car journeys as it's not a great idea to stick a finger in the baby's mouth whilst driving... and she didn't always enjoy being in that car seat!

She was not enamoured and doesn't take one at all now really, so, decision made.

Don't bother if you don't want one.

I used one with my DS for the first few months of his life, as he wanted to suck all the time and was using my breast not to feed but just for comfort - fine, but not for 24 hours a day! We were lucky, because he completely rejected it all on his own at about 4 months old. I think some people worry that their children will become reliant on them and it can effect teeth, speech etc. However, it's like anything else - breast, bottle - you can wean them off if and when you really want to.

Babies NEED to suck..... doesn't it provide neurological stimulation or something?

I didn't use a dummy - my little girl is 6 and is still sucking her thumb. Don't know how to get her to stop.

Thank you all - much less fretful about it now. I think I'll get one to keep just in case and if it seems like we could do with it I'll try it. Seems like being parked outside the kitchen window in the pram in the sunshine has settled her today - hooray for spring!!

Message withdrawn

i have two thumb suckers and the time between being born and not being able to find their thumb was very frustrating for them. I too hated the idea of dummies. However dd had reflux and low weight gain due to a genetic syndrome she has and we used a dummy on medical advice to help settle her as we spaced out her breastfeeds. At 5 mths she had her thumb and the dummy went out the door. with ds2 now 11 mths I offered dummy a few times but it never suited him. He got his thumb at ten weeks and has been happy since. We are a family of suckers here. No dental issues phew as yet

the thumbs destroy teeth thing is not an absolute given you know... both myself and my bro and my dh were all thumb suckers and non of us had wonky teeth/braces. DS sucks his thumb (from about 8 weeks) which we view as great as it totaly helped/helps with sleeping through the night (hard to loose!) and he likes it (did try a dummy at one point and it got rejected). Many of my friends kids who have/had dummies had issues with waking in night when dummy dropped out.....I'm sure lots don't though? Anyway it's a personal thing do it if you find it helpful/want to not because HV thinks you should....

Hi Verylittlecarrot,

Do you know what's meant by "early weeks"? We're exclusively bf-ing and I really don't want to do anything that could cause problems with that.

Thanks.

seasidemamma, I think it's your HV, rather than a specifically Swedish attitude. I know lots of Swedish families who also don't like dummies. She's just using your foreignness against you. As a Swedish Mum living in the UK I've had the same thing said to me about things that I know aren't culture specific but more about different parenting styles.

But I did learn to use it to my advantage, by saying very determinedly 'in my culture this is how we do it'. And then they couldn't argue, for fear of appearing xenophobic.

Thanks Cory! That really helps! I might have to practice that line.

Couple of threads discussing dummies here and here. It's by no means written in stone, but I think 6-8 weeks, or when you feel bf is going really well, good weight gain, and so on.

Here is what Kellymom has to say on the subject.

Hope that helps.

Oh god one of the worst and most irrational prejudices is the anti-dummy prejudice

You can take a dummy away

You cannot take their thumbs away