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Original poster

Breastfeeding struggles

40 replies

Virgo1989 · 26/05/2023 20:57

Looking to offload about breastfeeding struggles!

DD will be 6 weeks old next week. When she was born I'd been exclusively breastfeeding, but after she lost almost 10% of her birth weight and had to have treatment for jaundice we discovered that she had a tongue tie and we moved to a feeding plan - breastfeeding + bottle top ups (mixture of formula and expressed milk) + expressing for the next feed every 3 hours. Once we had her tongue tie cut after 2 weeks she started to refuse top ups so we were confident she was feeding much better and this was cemented by her showing steady weight gain (although not huge - 7lbs birthweight, lost 9.5% in first week and up to 7lb6 after 1 month). She's had colic and reflux so we've had lots of support from a lactation consultant and osteopath to help her latch better and for the most part they are happy with how everything is going apart from a few small adjustments that need to be made/exercises to be done etc.

This week however we seem to have taken a step back in terms of feeding - she's been struggling to latch and keeps popping on and off the boob because of wind which just makes her really frustrated. She also falls asleep at the boob sometimes so I think she's finished, but will then wake up 2 mins later frantic to get back on it again, and then when she'd on just suckle rather than properly feed. As a result feeding can take absolutely forever and she never seems to be full so we've started to top up again with formula/expressed milk so we know she's getting enough.

I feel so dejected about the whole thing and am wondering whether I'm kidding myself about breastfeeding and if ultimately moving to bottle/formula feeding would be better for her if I'm needing to top up anyway. The thought makes me so sad as I love breastfeeding but I feel like I'm failing at it even though I'm trying my absolute best to get it right. I hate the thought of her being hungry (it's a source of major anxiety for me given the start) and just want her to be content - when she cries after an hour long feed as she's still hungry it's so demoralising. I would also hate for her to pick up on my anxiety about it all which people keep telling me might happen, which makes me feel even worse!

Help!

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tfh · 26/05/2023 21:17

I went through something similar and decided to just switch to formula feeding. I still feel so sad about it but ultimately it was the best decision, baby put weight on and was sooo much happier, slept better, I was less anxious, husband helps with the feeding etc. But you must do whatever feels right for you and will make you happiest.

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 26/05/2023 21:30

It took about 12 weeks for Brestfeeding to be easy with both of mine. New borns are rubbish at latching on and actually feeding Id weaned my first when I was pregnant with my second and as I’d only had 8 weeks off bf I thought it would be easy! No second was hopeless for weeks. And then wanted to use me as human dummy. It might be cluster feeding to increase supply or she might just like sucking for comfort. You could give one of the 0-2 month mam dummies a go, can take a few tries but if she just wants to comfort suck the dummy will work.
Don’t worry about dropping the dummy later both mine did really easily.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 26/05/2023 21:37

I had a very similar experience to you and I stopped breastfeeding at 5 weeks. We were readmitted to hospital when DD was a few days old because she’d lost too much weight and the anxiety about keeping her fed, full and gaining weight was a lot.

I had a day off breastfeeding because it coincided with Christmas Day and on Boxing Day, I just couldn’t go back to it. I just started to cry when it was feeding time and I was so miserable so we bottle fed. I felt guilty for not breastfeeding for ages but I’d say it lessened about 6 months. However, by 9 months I was actually pretty glad I bottle fed, I was starting to get a bit more independence, I could go back to work without worrying about breastfeeding. I look back on it and I was glad DH could do some feeds, my mum could do some. I wasn’t able to tell how much milk she had taken because she had reflux but I felt more confident than when I was breastfeeding.

If you want to continue, you probably need to look at lactation consultant to help you work on latch and increasing supply. I think the advice would be to stop pumping and top up feeds and feed on demand. I couldn’t do that. I’d been feeding and pumping around the clock and I didn’t want to do any more of that. I also couldn’t take the top ups away because I had too much anxiety about her loosing weight again.

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itsmschanandlerbong · 26/05/2023 21:39

Tongue ties can reattach so it might be worth getting this checked.

Fipfop · 26/05/2023 21:49

There's a big growth spurt I think around 6 weeks. They can get really fussy and cluster feed a lot around this age. Could be that?

Malbecmoron · 26/05/2023 22:42

That does sound really demoralising, and stressful. Is she continuing to gain weight steadily? Are you eating and drinking well? Does she take a bottle of formula better than the breast? You've done really well persevering with breastfeeding when it's been so difficult but the main thing is that your daughter feeds well.

Original poster
Virgo1989 · 27/05/2023 09:31

tfh · 26/05/2023 21:17

I went through something similar and decided to just switch to formula feeding. I still feel so sad about it but ultimately it was the best decision, baby put weight on and was sooo much happier, slept better, I was less anxious, husband helps with the feeding etc. But you must do whatever feels right for you and will make you happiest.

Thanks for sharing! How long did you keep trying with the breastfeeding before you switched?x

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Original poster
Virgo1989 · 27/05/2023 09:32

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 26/05/2023 21:30

It took about 12 weeks for Brestfeeding to be easy with both of mine. New borns are rubbish at latching on and actually feeding Id weaned my first when I was pregnant with my second and as I’d only had 8 weeks off bf I thought it would be easy! No second was hopeless for weeks. And then wanted to use me as human dummy. It might be cluster feeding to increase supply or she might just like sucking for comfort. You could give one of the 0-2 month mam dummies a go, can take a few tries but if she just wants to comfort suck the dummy will work.
Don’t worry about dropping the dummy later both mine did really easily.

Thanks for this. Re. cluster feeding, would that explain the fussiness and popping on and off the breast? I thought it was more frequency?x

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Original poster
Virgo1989 · 27/05/2023 09:33

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 26/05/2023 21:37

I had a very similar experience to you and I stopped breastfeeding at 5 weeks. We were readmitted to hospital when DD was a few days old because she’d lost too much weight and the anxiety about keeping her fed, full and gaining weight was a lot.

I had a day off breastfeeding because it coincided with Christmas Day and on Boxing Day, I just couldn’t go back to it. I just started to cry when it was feeding time and I was so miserable so we bottle fed. I felt guilty for not breastfeeding for ages but I’d say it lessened about 6 months. However, by 9 months I was actually pretty glad I bottle fed, I was starting to get a bit more independence, I could go back to work without worrying about breastfeeding. I look back on it and I was glad DH could do some feeds, my mum could do some. I wasn’t able to tell how much milk she had taken because she had reflux but I felt more confident than when I was breastfeeding.

If you want to continue, you probably need to look at lactation consultant to help you work on latch and increasing supply. I think the advice would be to stop pumping and top up feeds and feed on demand. I couldn’t do that. I’d been feeding and pumping around the clock and I didn’t want to do any more of that. I also couldn’t take the top ups away because I had too much anxiety about her loosing weight again.

Thanks for this! We have had advice from a lactation consultant and not sure there is much more they can tell me to be honest as they've been happy with how things have been going so far. I do always feed on demand - it just seems to be constant and she's still unsettled after. I also would be nervous to drop the top ups as if she's taking them she must still be hungry!x

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Original poster
Virgo1989 · 27/05/2023 09:34

itsmschanandlerbong · 26/05/2023 21:39

Tongue ties can reattach so it might be worth getting this checked.

Yes we've been doing exercises to try and prevent that but perhaps need to get this checked.

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Original poster
Virgo1989 · 27/05/2023 09:34

Fipfop · 26/05/2023 21:49

There's a big growth spurt I think around 6 weeks. They can get really fussy and cluster feed a lot around this age. Could be that?

Yes could be!

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 27/05/2023 09:35

That frantic feeding can be tummy ache from wind. Do you wind her ?

Dinneronmybfpillow · 27/05/2023 09:36

As above - cluster feeding includes all sort of fussy behaviours, not just increases in frequency. It's all about stimulation for your breast to let it know demand is increasing for a growth spurt/jump in development/needing more to support during illness etc.

In my experience it's an anxiety provoking and faffy business until 12 weeks approx and then I coasted and it's a breeze.

Original poster
Virgo1989 · 27/05/2023 09:36

Malbecmoron · 26/05/2023 22:42

That does sound really demoralising, and stressful. Is she continuing to gain weight steadily? Are you eating and drinking well? Does she take a bottle of formula better than the breast? You've done really well persevering with breastfeeding when it's been so difficult but the main thing is that your daughter feeds well.

We are due her 6-8 week check next week so wi check her weight then, but she had at the last few checks. She takes the bottle absolutely fine and seems to settle afterwards - whereas latching can be a bit hit and miss with her on the boob at the moment all of a sudden. Feel like I'm torturing myself with it!

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Original poster
Virgo1989 · 27/05/2023 09:37

DustyLee123 · 27/05/2023 09:35

That frantic feeding can be tummy ache from wind. Do you wind her ?

Yes we do a lot of winding - she's a very windy baby! I try and wind her halfway through a feed but she screams if I take her off and she's still feeding. Also seems to be less fussy on the bottle.

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Original poster
Virgo1989 · 27/05/2023 09:38

Dinneronmybfpillow · 27/05/2023 09:36

As above - cluster feeding includes all sort of fussy behaviours, not just increases in frequency. It's all about stimulation for your breast to let it know demand is increasing for a growth spurt/jump in development/needing more to support during illness etc.

In my experience it's an anxiety provoking and faffy business until 12 weeks approx and then I coasted and it's a breeze.

Ok that makes me feel better! Perhaps best to persevere with breast feeding and top ups until things settle! I am also still expressing.

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FlipFlopEnthusiast · 27/05/2023 09:39

I'd say the fussing is very normal OP - like you, I started to panic and wonder if it was working but it was 3 months+ before i really got into a good place with breastfeeding with my eldest. 4-5 hour feeds were normal. Their stomachs are small and still developing and it takes a while to find your stride. I went on to feed both him and my subsequent other two for 2 years each!

Join a local breastfeeding group if you can, I found the best advice was from other mums.

Also well done for getting this far - any breast milk you baby gets is incredibly beneficial x

Original poster
Virgo1989 · 27/05/2023 09:41

FlipFlopEnthusiast · 27/05/2023 09:39

I'd say the fussing is very normal OP - like you, I started to panic and wonder if it was working but it was 3 months+ before i really got into a good place with breastfeeding with my eldest. 4-5 hour feeds were normal. Their stomachs are small and still developing and it takes a while to find your stride. I went on to feed both him and my subsequent other two for 2 years each!

Join a local breastfeeding group if you can, I found the best advice was from other mums.

Also well done for getting this far - any breast milk you baby gets is incredibly beneficial x

Thanks so much - that does make me feel much better. Perhaps combi feeding is the way forward until we can drop the top ups?

OP posts:
toothbrusher · 27/05/2023 09:42

It could be a growth spurt but also worth checking it thr TT has reattached. Honestly feeding gets so much easier after 8 weeks but don't make yourself miserable if it's not working for you. I didn't succeed with my first and did with my second despite having to triple feed for 4 months. For anyone feeling guilty about giving up on this post, can I recommend Breastfeeding Grief and Trauma by Amy Brown- it's a lifesaver

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 27/05/2023 09:46

I would actually ditch the top-ups and the expressing. Your body will compensate - in fact, the fussing is telling your boobs to produce more. Faffing around topping up is stressing you out. Lie back and accept that she’ll want to feed a lot at the moment, she’ll have growth spurts, and it’s all normal. Get your husband to bring you lots of cups of tea - tea is a galactagogue, which is an awesome word. You’re doing brilliantly!

If you said that you wanted to stop my advice would be different, but you say that you love it and the thought of stopping makes you sad. 6 weeks is the point where I thought it would start to get easier and it took a bit longer for us - maybe more like week 8.

Mirenda · 27/05/2023 09:48

Could you feed her expressed breast milk more rather than direct from breast so you can see exactly how much she's getting and assess whether top up is needed?

I have a one week old and have done this initially as wasnt doing well with cluster feeds and I kept getting very upset as she seemed so hungry. Expressing made me feel better and more in control as I could see what she was getting. Also topped up with formula from day one during the nights

Ostryga · 27/05/2023 09:51

Bottles require next to no work to feed from, but breast takes a bit of practice. She’s probably pissed off at the extra work to get the milk!

If you can, spend a day or two in bed and feed as much possible without giving a bottle. I bet after 24 hours you’ll find she’s a lot calmer and feeding better.

AppropriateAdult · 27/05/2023 10:26

TooExtra gives good advice there. If you want to continue to breastfeed you're best to let her feed on demand without top-ups and your supply will adjust to meet her needs. If you don't have other children to look after can you get into bed with her for the day and just let her feed as much as she likes? I've breastfed my three for almost ten years in total and all of mine had fussy periods in those early weeks, it's not necessarily a sign of hunger at all. Weight gain and nappies are the best indicator of whether she's getting enough. It really does get much much easier very soon.

Dinneronmybfpillow · 27/05/2023 10:55

I'd also second finding a local breastfeeding group if you can. Mine was brilliant - just a group of women sat drinking tea and chatting. We talked about everything- not all baby related, plenty of house design and pet chat too!... but you're all there and when you do have a bf concern you're already tapped into the best support.
I think women should be supported to feed their babies in whatever way they want. So if you do want to continue BF, find your local group etc and give it your best shot. If you don't want to do it anymore, switch and do what works for you.
And yes to advice above, if you don't have other children/commitments. Get in bed/on the sofa for the day and just feed feed feed and relax into it. Tits Out, Telly On! 😁

stollen123 · 27/05/2023 17:40

Oh OP this sounds so similar to our situation - jaundice, tongue tie, worries about weight gain and a real struggle to get breastfeeding to a good place. We had just managed to drop top ups when our DS went into an extended growth spurt/fussy cluster feeding period that really rattled me and sounds a lot like what you're dealing with. I agonised over whether or not to start top ups again but in the end I decided to just persevere with breastfeeding (I had some really good support from local groups) plus one bottle in the evening so I got a break and kept an eye on his weight (but not too often! Def don't get them weighed more than every 2 weeks or you'll go mad) and it took a lot of determination as we had latch problems and pain but by 11 weeks we'd figured it out and feeding was finally comfortable for me and the frequency and fussiness had died down. All in time for baby to turn four months and start getting super distracted 😂

Basically, if you want to keep breastfeeding, please know that it can take ages to start feeling confident but once you do it's the best feeling and get as much help and support as you can. If it's too much to cope with, and I know how emotionally draining it can be, nothing wrong with adding a bottle (or stopping if you want to). But it really can take a long time to get the hang of, especially with a baby that's had a tricky start. Sending loads of good wishes!