Breastfeeding struggles

[Virgo1989]

Looking to offload about breastfeeding struggles!

DD will be 6 weeks old next week. When she was born I'd been exclusively breastfeeding, but after she lost almost 10% of her birth weight and had to have treatment for jaundice we discovered that she had a tongue tie and we moved to a feeding plan - breastfeeding + bottle top ups (mixture of formula and expressed milk) + expressing for the next feed every 3 hours. Once we had her tongue tie cut after 2 weeks she started to refuse top ups so we were confident she was feeding much better and this was cemented by her showing steady weight gain (although not huge - 7lbs birthweight, lost 9.5% in first week and up to 7lb6 after 1 month). She's had colic and reflux so we've had lots of support from a lactation consultant and osteopath to help her latch better and for the most part they are happy with how everything is going apart from a few small adjustments that need to be made/exercises to be done etc.

This week however we seem to have taken a step back in terms of feeding - she's been struggling to latch and keeps popping on and off the boob because of wind which just makes her really frustrated. She also falls asleep at the boob sometimes so I think she's finished, but will then wake up 2 mins later frantic to get back on it again, and then when she'd on just suckle rather than properly feed. As a result feeding can take absolutely forever and she never seems to be full so we've started to top up again with formula/expressed milk so we know she's getting enough.

I feel so dejected about the whole thing and am wondering whether I'm kidding myself about breastfeeding and if ultimately moving to bottle/formula feeding would be better for her if I'm needing to top up anyway. The thought makes me so sad as I love breastfeeding but I feel like I'm failing at it even though I'm trying my absolute best to get it right. I hate the thought of her being hungry (it's a source of major anxiety for me given the start) and just want her to be content - when she cries after an hour long feed as she's still hungry it's so demoralising. I would also hate for her to pick up on my anxiety about it all which people keep telling me might happen, which makes me feel even worse!

Help!

We had a very similar situation and ended up hospitalised due to my DD losing 12% of her body weight. She also had tongue tie which we had corrected. I almost went barmy with the breastfeed, top up, pump regime. In the end I breastfed then topped up with formula (ditched the pumping). There were periods of time when it felt like she was hardly having any milk from me and drinking lots of formula. I read that only 50ml of breast milk per day has significant health benefits, and that being able to provide this over the longest period of time is beneficial....so this was my focus. We were pace feeding with the top ups and over time she seemed less interested in them. With telephone support from La Leche League I felt confident to reduce and gradually eliminate the top ups. My DD is 8 months old now and is almost exclusively breastfed. We have kept a 5oz formula bottle of milk at bedtime as this works for us. I'm so glad I kept going. My mantra was to take one day, sometimes one feed at a time. Also to not stop on a bad day, and to seek as much support as I could to keep going. I really recommend the telephone support fro La Leche League. Having said that do what is best for you and your family, you have done amazingly to get to this point with all the challenges you have faced. Good luck!

Thanks so much for this - good to hear that you had success with the top ups! Initially how did you determine how much to give for a top up? Would you advise max feed amount and go from there?x

This week however we seem to have taken a step back in terms of feeding - she's been struggling to latch and keeps popping on and off the boob because of wind which just makes her really frustrated. She also falls asleep at the boob sometimes so I think she's finished, but will then wake up 2 mins later frantic to get back on it again, and then when she'd on just suckle rather than properly feed. As a result feeding can take absolutely forever and she never seems to be full so we've started to top up again with formula/expressed milk so we know she's getting enough.

This sounds like really normal 6 week feeding behaviour. The thrashing about, popping on and off, feeding on and off between sleeping. It’s all classic stuff that makes mums worry something is wrong when it isn’t 🙂 it’s all baby working to up your supply, the fussing and frequent feeding send signals to our bodies to make more milk as baby gets ready for a growth spurt. It absolutely doesn’t mean baby isn’t getting enough milk, but it’s easy to think so and start topping up. Please just keep feeding, breastmilk is a supply and demand product, the more you feed the more you make. The more top ups you give instead the more likely your body will think those feeds aren’t needed and slow production. It feels frustrating but I promise it’s a natural, normal process and baby knows what they’re doing

Just keep breastfeeding*

I completely agree with everyone who has said this is normal week 6 behaviour, just keep breastfeeding her - she's building your supply and about to do a growth spurt. I wouldn't top her up because then she won't want the boob as much and so your body won't get the message to make more milk as quickly. It sounds like it's going to be fine, honest.

My number 1 baby was exactly the same and I kept going and it was fine - went on to feed her until 2. When I had number two and we got to this point I was so much more confident to recognise the signs and keep going and number two is now 10 months and still breastfeeding. My point is that it's being a first timer and not knowing what is perfectly normal that scares the bejesus out of you but honestly just keep going, it will be ok.

I think the hospital advised how much the top up should be...50ml I think it was. If she drained it all and still seemed hungry I put her back on the boob. I was so anxious after the initial weight loss and being in hospital, I knew for me at that time I simply couldn't have done without the top ups. It helped me to take the pressure off, and realise that combi feeding could be a doable option, and a way of keeping some breastfeeding going for as long as possible.

Well done for persevering and every drop of breastmilk truly does count.
However, your lactation consultant should have given you a plan for ‘challenging the top-up’ aka ‘how to escape the top-up trap’! I echo @TooExtraImmatureCheddar - if baby is gaining well, time to wean down the top-up. Use all your tools in your box to get as much milk down baby during a feed (switch feeding, breast compressions etc) and only offer your top-up (of expressed breastmilk) if baby comes off the breast at the end of a feed rooting around AND nothing comes out when you hand express (even a tiny drop is a sign that there’s still milk ‘left’ for baby, since babies are so much more efficient than hands or pumps at extracting milk). I’m a peer supporter, not an IBCLC, but it’s what I’d do in your position.

I do feel that top-ups can be kind of the enemy of EBF where that’s the goal, since women understandably feel anxious about stopping them, as baby appears hungry (ie baby will suck when a bottle teat is placed in their mouth…it’s not the same as a breast being offered).

Anyway, sounds like you can absolutely achieve EBF if you want to - this is a tricky phase but you can do it OP! Your milk is perfect for your baby. All the best to you!

Thank you for the confidence booster! She is due to get weighed on Wednesday so will see how we get on then but will keep up with the feeding in the meantime and try not to let the anxiety of it all get the better of me xx

Thanks so much - it is such a confusing and scary time and knowing I'm not the only one that's had these types of anxieties makes it so much easier to manage!x

Thanks for the great advice - no one ever tells you beforehand how stressful this can be! But this makes me more determined to persevere and we'll hopefully crack it soon!x

Thank you - I'm going to keep persevering and hopefully we will crack it together soon!x

Hey @Virgo1989 how's it all going now?

Hi - I was hoping to be able to give a more positive update but unfortunately we're still struggling!

The fussiness has definitely died down but ever since she's struggled to latch properly. Some feeds she's absolutely fine, others she just seems to have completely lost the knack and we end up trying for ages which just makes both of us frustrated. For now I'm continuing to try at each feed but supplementing with either formula or expressed milk depending on how much she takes - that was the advice I got from La Leche League, but it's quite exhausting. I've tried to flipple technique and different positions but with no success, and it feels like I end up just flinging her around which isn't nice for her or me

Going to try and get to the 12 week mark and see if it's got any better by then, but I really want to get to the point where I can enjoy spending time with her and at the moment all I worry about is her feeding.

Hope it all gets easier soon for you both

There is a huge cognitive leap at 12 weeks and I found both of my babies seem to really get breastfeeding after that point - before then it was tricky definitely.