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Original poster

DS NEVER stops talking

42 replies

Llamasally · 22/05/2023 17:12

I really mean never, and I know this sounds utterly ridiculous and pathetic as he’s only 4 but it’s starting to really stress me out and give me something which could probably be on the spectrum of anxiety attacks

It’s lovely and sweet to other people, especially as if he has nothing to say he just talks gibberish, but it’s just so, so relentless and always needs engagement from me. It’s been going on for pretty much for two years and getting worse

When he is at me non stop now my heart starts racing and I feel like I’m going to burst into tears and /or feel nauseous

Is there any way I can to gently nudge him towards perhaps some more internal dialogue? Or do I need to just learn to deal with it? Has anyone else had this and they eventually stopped?

OP posts:
CoconutQueen · 22/05/2023 17:15

This has probably got more to do with the fact that you need a break generally OP, and some time to yourself. I don't think it's really to do with the fact that he talks a lot. Do you have time away doing something else, even if at work? Does your partner help share the load with your son while you go and see friends or do something else for yourself? Or your parents. You need a break Flowers

Choconutty · 22/05/2023 17:25

Oh OP. I know my DS1 can talk the hind leg off a donkey, and after a couple of hours, I'm sitting there trying to keep my cool, but he's so happy to be speaking to me, wants to be engaging, and I just want to have some quiet.

He's 12.

I know more about pokemon, about geography (latest obsession) WW2 history, etc. than I ever wanted to. Sending him off to research helps - but yours is only 4, so that's tricky..

Basically, you need to find a way to send him of to figure something out, and only come back to tell you what he's found at the end (not while he's finding it). Get him reading ASAP.

Original poster
Llamasally · 22/05/2023 17:45

Thanks @Choconutty , he is very curious so I don’t think j he’s going to be too far off learning how to read.

In the meantime, I feel terrible but sometimes I just beg him to not talk and use bribery or a sand timer to get 2 mins of no talking, which is not great and doesn’t really work as the moment the time is up on the game he talks at me with even more intensity than before! His sister is now learning some words and doesn’t get a chance!

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Original poster
Llamasally · 22/05/2023 17:45

@CoconutQueen i can’t even use that excuse, I work full time!!!

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Original poster
Llamasally · 22/05/2023 19:10

bump!

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Roselilly36 · 22/05/2023 19:19

My DS2 is 20 now, and he still never stops talking, doesn’t pause for breath, even if you don’t engage it doesn’t stop him, it’s absolutely relentless, once his eyes are open the talking starts, he has always been the same!

DeadbeatYoda · 22/05/2023 19:22

Sounds like you need a break, tbh, and I really hope you do manage to get one. But after that, I just developed the ability to switch off, smiling and nodding affirmatively here and there. It's all part of the suite of parenting skills you need under your belt to maintain sanity.

Lovelynames123 · 22/05/2023 19:23

My youngest is like this, 9 yo girl, I do sometimes have to ask her to stop talking as I'm trying to concentrate on something else. Apparently I was similar, and I know I talk a lot now, but she has zero filter and narrates her entire day...

Saucemonkey · 22/05/2023 19:23

I actively remind my dd “take a breath” otherwise she looks like she is going to explode ! I think she has calmed a little bit over the last year, but she can talk and talk and it does get stressful. We have a play room and I will send her in there for some “k time” just to play solo for a bit, as otherwise I start to get cabin fever and feel panicked .

Original poster
Llamasally · 22/05/2023 19:40

I’m not exactly filled with confidence hearing from those with much older kids who STILL never stop talking 🤦‍♀️

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Original poster
Llamasally · 22/05/2023 19:43

@Lovelynames123 the thing I find most stressful is I think when it’s the same thing repeated over and over until I respond

that’s why I’m not sure not joining in @DeadbeatYoda would work- if I don’t engage to a satisfactory level he just repeats until I do

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shmivorytower · 22/05/2023 19:47

Do you think it’s about mental stimulation? My DS is very intense -talks a lot, wants constant engagement. I suspect he has a higher learning ability. Could you try to encourage activities that are very stimulating intellectually as an alternative?

discan · 22/05/2023 19:51

the thing I find most stressful is I think when it’s the same thing repeated over and over until I respond

I don't want to be judge but if he is having to repeat over and over to get a response that's possibly where the problem comes from.

I agree with him possibly being under stimulated mentally as well

Sunnysunbun · 22/05/2023 19:52

My eldest did this. I remember once she talked non stop for five hours on a road trip - and we had gone at night in the hope she would sleep. She once said mummy I love talking and I don’t even know what I’m saying. If she wasn’t talking she was singing!! I used to pray for aliens to abduct me.
You know you shouldn’t say SHUT UP but that’s all you want to do. I don’t have any advice - I don’t remember anything working. But I did make a supreme effort to escape whenever I could. I’m sorry OP! She grew out of it and her siblings didn’t do it.
Maybe get him headphones and an iPad so you can have scheduled breaks. Take long baths and run for the hills occasionally?

Elderflower2016 · 22/05/2023 19:52

If you work full time is he the same with other members of your family? Pre school? His dad? Sounds like he just loves sharing stuff with you but can appreciate it may get wearing!

catchthedog · 22/05/2023 19:56

I remember my parents (politely) telling me to shut up when I was little. I think it's important for them to learn to be socially appropriate and not to just talk at people constantly. if people continue to do it as adults it's incredibly rude so it's something they do need to be guided and learn to control.

JollyJellyCat · 22/05/2023 19:59

My 4yo never stops talking, he is extremely bright. I think of it like Matilda and her psychic powers, if he didn't release it all through talking he'd explode.

My 2yo sings constantly so I think I have another talker brewing.

I feel your pain and when I really can't handle it any more I put the TV on. We like Numberblocks and Grace's Amazing Machines.

Brightonbelle87 · 22/05/2023 20:24

My husband grew up being allowed to natter on and on and on... he would just sit and talk even though no one was responding and as such didn't learn social cues such as 'oh they look a bit bored/haven't responded/made eye contact so I'll shut up'. Turns out his mum is very confrontation averse and wants the perfect family with no fighting etc. So she just zones out. This contrasted completely with my family who very quickly point out out if you're boring/get to the point/no one's listening. So two extremes but myself and my husband meet in the middle but he's said he wishes someone had actually taught him to shut up/look for signs of droning on. Your DS is only 4 but as he gets older it will be your guidance on how to hold engaging conversations but not be a bore. Difficult to do without hurt feelings but communication is a skill children need to learn! Also to be prepared for school when someone will tell him to shut up and he'll get upset.

onecarrot · 22/05/2023 20:34

My 10 year old hasn't stopped talking since she was 2.5 I agree it's hard.

imjustanerd · 22/05/2023 20:34

I feel you op, my ds was exactly the same for ages especially at four to 9.

He's still very chatty but nowhere near as bad, honestly it used to drive me insane as he'd talk constantly about something he was obsessed with at the time.

But you know what, I have a lovely relationship with him were he feels comfortable talking to me about what's going on in his life. He comes to me with all his worries and we talk it through.

Hang in there op, I know it's hard but you just being there looking like you're listening to him will mean so much to him and will lessen as he gets older.

AnneElliott · 22/05/2023 20:41

Can you arrange some okay dates? Just so he can be talking to another kid and give you a break?

ididntknowthat11 · 22/05/2023 20:43

"When he is at me non stop now my heart starts racing and I feel like I’m going to burst into tears and /or feel nauseous"

@Llamasally A few years ago I would have rolled my eyes at that.

I get it now. It sounds so melodramatic but it's true. It stresses me out so much. And yes, if he doesn't have anything to say he makes annoying, repetitive sounds, or sings annoying songs. He also says just a jumble of loosely connected words and then prompts me with things like "is it? Is that right, mam? Did you hear me? Do you agree?" Which makes it sound like he is just desperate for attention / interaction....but he gets sooo much!

He's 7. I'm hoping he will mellow a bit as he gets older.

Emmylou22 · 22/05/2023 20:51

My 9 year old daughter is the same. It's exhausting!! It's like she's a ball of energy and has to be occupied or stimulated. She is the same with repeating stuff too. If I don't respond to just one bit of what she's saying, she will repeat it over and over. Her most recent trait is telling me something she's done at school then saying 'mum did you do that same thing when you were at school?'. Most of the time I can't bloody remember because it was 30 years ago and so insignificant (e.g. 'did you have shoulder partners at school or face to face partners?'). It's sweet she's curious but it's relentless!!

She really can't stand the room being silent unless she's engrossed in something she's doing or watching something on her tablet.

I don't have any advice except to say so many of us know how you feel!! I often feel out of breath being on the receiving end of it!

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/05/2023 20:54

That is all.

RemainAtHome · 22/05/2023 21:00

It’s ok to teach your dc that sometimes people need quiet time.

I’d explain that quiet ti e us in portant for everyone, you and him.
And when you have enough, tell him you need your quiet time. So he has to either stop taking if he stays in the same room. Or he needs to go and play in his own in his bedroom.
He should be able to play in his own for 15 mins.

In the mean time, do NOT use that time to do chores. But read a book, listen to music, sit in silence. Whatever is allowing to recharge your batteries during that time.