DS NEVER stops talking

[Llamasally]

I really mean never, and I know this sounds utterly ridiculous and pathetic as he’s only 4 but it’s starting to really stress me out and give me something which could probably be on the spectrum of anxiety attacks

It’s lovely and sweet to other people, especially as if he has nothing to say he just talks gibberish, but it’s just so, so relentless and always needs engagement from me. It’s been going on for pretty much for two years and getting worse

When he is at me non stop now my heart starts racing and I feel like I’m going to burst into tears and /or feel nauseous

Is there any way I can to gently nudge him towards perhaps some more internal dialogue? Or do I need to just learn to deal with it? Has anyone else had this and they eventually stopped?

Walked a very steep hill with my non stop talking 4 year old the other day, when she started complaining about how tired she was I said the best thing to do was to stop talking until we get to the top and just focus on walking and breathing, she lasted 10 seconds before saying ‘mummy I can’t not talk’ and off she went again. I was too out of breath to reply!

My 9 yo is like this. Actually I prefer the talking because if he runs out of things to say he makes annoying noises. He'll yell out noises when I'm trying to drive
Even my toddler gets so annoyed with him, especially first thing in the morning.
I'm not sure he can help it, he even talks in his sleep.

OP, I agree with other posters that your DC is properly quite bright and needs this stimulation, it will calm down abit once they really get into school…
Yes it’s exhausting all day long but it also sounds like a sign that you really need a good break and time to yourself, then you will start to appreciate his need for your company again - it’s a real compliment really 😀
Big tip- develop the strategy of saying mummy’s having a coffee/ tea now and that means I’m having a break - go and play for a while until I’ve finished!!

I have to say @Thepossibility , I’ve always told me dcs to keep quiet when I needed to concentrate (coming out of a junction etc….).
They need to learn that distracting you whilst driving is dangerous and a no-no

I have one of these too! Also four.

I'm more than happy to explain to him that I need some quiet time. I've been gradually building this up time wise and I'm hoping the older he gets the longer the quiet time will last.

I think it's important they realise other people have needs too and also that other people may not be super interested in every single thought they have in their head!

Me and my eldest are more internal processors and like quiet. Youngest is a major talky pants. 😳

Sympathies OP.

DS2 was like this from age 2. Very articulate, curious and funny. My interpretation was that he wanted you to engage with him all the time. It wore off once he was at school.
He's an adult now, very quiet and deep. I'd say he changed from about 9 or 10.

This made me smile, my ds is in his 30's now and he still goes quiet if I'm driving in busy traffic or at a tricky junction. He also taught his friends to stay quiet at certain times in the car so 'she can concentrate'. It's so important that they learn this, I've travelled with friends whose children screeched, cried, screamed and just wouldn't stop talking and the drivers attention was certainly not where is should have been.

My 6yo does this too. I have started stopping him and explaining that he needs to allow the other person to properly respond, i.e. how conversation works, not just talking relentlessly at people! I've definitely seen some improvement over the last year as he's become more focused on drawing and looking at books by himself. Hang in there!

My DS 6 talks excessively. He's an absolute delight and the definition of an extrovert. He has been moved about 8 times to different seats and one of the girls in his class said "I'm not sure why they bother moving him because he chats to everyone"! If we go into the town he likes to go into each shop and speak to the shopkeepers. He's been referred to assess for ADHD.

It's been much better since he learned to read, now every night he goes upstairs to read for 40 minutes before bed. We are having to discuss appropriate times to talk and active listening. We are thinking about when he has something to say he has to think do I need to say this just now before he says it. His DB is severely speech delayed and I will be incredibly firm that he cannot speak over his brother trying to talk.

My 9 year old is like this, having a 6 year old brother there to talk at helps, he also just talks out loud most of the time to himself to get it all out of his head. We all share the listening between us!

Yep dd is like this. From the moment she could speak. She's 8 now and doesn't let up. As someone who suffers with chronic health conditions it's exhausting.
I try to remind myself I'll miss it one day but I really don't have the energy to engage nearly as much as either of us would like.

I feel you. My DS12 also loves to let me know every and I mean every fact about his latest interests. I could complete a degree in Star Wars and win Britain Got Talent with all the fortnite dance moves I have had to learn. He has now taken up playing the clarinet! Please pray for my ears and sanity 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Sunnysunbun

She once said mummy I love talking and I don’t even know what I’m saying.

This has made me laugh so much.

@Sunnysunbun he has basically said words to a similar effect!

I agree with the stimulation point - he doesn’t do it if he’s very absorbed and he is super bright and wants to learn everything about everything. Maybe I need to try to direct him to some kind of low key (for me at least!) activity that will keep him focused. I’ll have a think.

interesting about starting to learn about quiet time, I have tried this a few times, he gets frustrated and upset about it. Then randomly says he wants quiet time and I (mother) needs to have a rest from talking!!! Which makes me want to laugh and cry in equal measure. Then he carries on talking to me anyway…

really appreciate these ideas and I will try them out, and also really appreciate the understanding- it feels very eye roll and pathetic to even be saying it and I often try to remind myself as PP I will miss this one day. Maybe 😂. Joking aside though, I need to do something as I don’t want to end up being so stressed that I snap at him or get cross.

A fellow sufferer here- DS is nearly 8.

He is an avid reader and bangs on constantly about stuff that makes zero sense if you haven't read whatever book he's reading at the moment. I keep on telling him that that's not conversation- conversation has to be about something that both of you know about (kind of).

I'm also pushing the concept of not having to narrate your internal dialogue hard. Inside thoughts can stay inside and not be voiced mmmkay?

I'd try a bit of daily meditation for yourself op, when he's not around (asleep). Just 5 or 10 minutes a day and build up if you want to do. It should help you cope with the incessant talking.

There's a series of podcasts I really like for fitting in mediation into my day, particularly when I've been overwhelmed by something. They're called meditation for women - I like the Sleep Mediation for Women and Morning Meditation for Women best as they're easiest to fit into my day, but they have others.

You could also try a breathing app which teaches box breathing. It only takes a couple of minutes and is used by the military in high stress situations.

Page jumped and pressed post accidentally!

One Deep Breath is the app I use, just the free version.

If he can't bear to sit in silence, try putting on some background music that you can tolerate. Classical works well, and there's plenty of contemporary classical much of which are modern songs played more slowly or acoustically.

You can also try grey (or brown? Cant remember) noise - you'll find on YouTube. There's also coffee shop background noises etc too so plenty to play around with.