If you worked full time when your children were young…

[CokeZeroPlease]

Can you please share with me what wondeful/well rounded/secure adults they are now ?!
After doing the same easy but not particularly stimulating PT job for years to work around my DC (Now 10 and 5) I applied for, and have been offered, what is basically my dream job. It’s term time only but no real capacity for WFH. Older DS I am fairly confident will be fine as he has had me at home / pretty much doing most of the schools runs for the whole of his primary experience but I am worried about younger DS, it almost seems unfair in a way, will mean he is in after school club / at the CM most of the week , but we need the extra money (not desperately but it would just be a nice to have!) and I am just frustrated and feeling a bit stagnant in my current role. I want to take the job so much but am having absolute mum guilt. Please share with me your reassuring stories of how you worked FT and it was all perfectly fine !

Mine are still small (I do work FT) but my Mum and Dad worked full time. We have a great relationship and, importantly, I grew up believing that women have careers.

You have a right to do something that is fulfilling at work. What would you want your DD to do?

Take it OP, it’s a great opportunity for you. Your DC will be fine and you’ll be around in the holidays anyway which will be great for you all. I don’t work full time but do work longer part time hours in a stressful job and don’t get school holidays off. When my DC goes to school she will be in breakfast and after school club most days and holidays clubs during holidays. She’ll be fine.

Gosh. Following this one OP. I have a 2 year old and went back full time when he was 4 months old. The mum guilt is no joke.

When my children were 5&7 my husband left. He paid very little. I had two jobs and took overtime when I could just to keep us afloat . My children had to go to after school club, holiday clubs and to stay with friends and relatives. I felt very guilty that I hardly saw them. I had to spread my holidays out but tried to do fun, cheap activities with them . They are adults now. We are very close and they only remember that they didn’t always like the sandwiches at after school club😂 Take the job OP . They will be fine .

My parents both worked full time when I was growing up and it didn't impact me negatively at all.

I have a reception aged child who goes to after-school club. I was worried too at first but actually, she loves it so much that she complains when I pick her up as she wants to stay! I think it'd a good way for her to socialise and play on her own terms and unwind from school.

I really wouldnt feel guilty at all - you're setting a great role model for your children, and you'll still have the benefit of spending school holidays with them, which most parents don't get! 😊

I worked FT from when my two DCs started school and they've turned out fine. Young adults now. One is a marketing manager who travels to different countries on events. Both working, each has a wide circles of friends, and we're very close as a family.

I worked 9-5:30 in London (so 8-6:30 with commuting) but DH worked nights, so we were fortunate that there was always one of us around to do school runs and after school care.

Similar here - collecting early from after school club is a major no! They want to stay and play with their friends.

Both me and DH work FT, have done since DD started school. She goes to after school club 3 times a week, with WFH we are able to wangle picking her up twice a week mostly. She's absolutely fine, loves after school club. We have lots of cuddles and chats when she's home. She knows she's well loved and she's a very happy, easygoing child. What makes it work though is it very much a joint venture, if anything my DH does more because his hours allow it more.

I've worked full time (single mum) since DS was 2. He went to a lovely child minder full time, and then school & after school club..

He's now 15. I still work full time, and will do for another 3 years until I retire.

He's lovely, calm, happy, sensible. Still plenty of time to go off the teenage rails but so far so good. He's at a little independent school and if I have to travel for work, he sometimes stays at their boarding house for a night or two.

I realise that amounts to cruelty in MN eyes, but he likes it. A couple of days with friends and away from his mum. He takes it all in his stride. He's currently doing exams, busy revising. All I have to do is provide regular food and a bit of encouragement. He's very easy compared to some of the stories I hear.

Not me but my friends dad had a very important job when she was younger and was away during the week most of the time.

They're incredibly close now and have always had a lovely relationship. He's told me in the past that he actively decided if he was going to be away a lot he had to make the time he was with his kids count and not just spend his weekends recovering from a busy week at work. She's told me that she doesn't particularly remember him being away a lot but she does remember him always playing in her Wendy house, having pretend tea parties etc. She's told me before that if she thinks of her childhood she thinks of her dad sitting on the floor playing with her. So I think the key is just being really present when your not at work.

Yep, always worked full time , went back at 6 months for my kids. Perfectly well rounded, nice, clever, emotionally intelligent young adults and they even look back happily at their time in nursery ( what they can remember, almost none!)

I worked p/t when mine were that age but due to shifts I missed some of the holidays /weekends.

in your position I’d accept the new dream job and focus on the bonus of being available at weekend and in holidays and having a little bit of extra money.

I work full time since mine have gone to school. They love school and have asked to go to after school club. All their friends are there and they have fun! They just want to play. And you are there for them working.

I worked full time from when my kids were just under a year and just over two. They have both turned out to be wonderful adults. Very secure and well-rounded. We have a very close bond and speak pretty much daily if we don’t see each other. I also grew up with two full time working parents, as did all my friends, no issues there either.

DS1 is 19 at a prestigious university studying a stem subject. He is in a very healthy long term relationship, cooks all his own vegan meals, loves his outdoor sport. He happily visits home for weeks at a time and travels with friends. Mental health very good - no concerns.

DS2 in sixth form. Has a Saturday job he enjoys. Plays rugby has wide circles of friends. Excels at schools and is “enjoying” his exams. Doing his gold DfE. Mental health very good.

both DS seem to like us.

Here is a caveat. I did work full time but I was around. I took time off at half term. I left at 4:00pm some days to get to swimming lessons. My career has been average-successful. I once had potential. I brimmed with potential. I am struggling in middle age accepting my very average career. I wouldn’t do it differently because the family is excellent, but there have been comprises.

Take the job ! I went back to work when mine were 5 months old

though I’m home by 4 and dh had them some days if he’s working flexi

I did and it meant we could upgrade our home to where we are. I don’t regret it at all and the dc are doing great, all round

My mum went back to work when I was 3 months old. My dad was in and out of work all my life but was never left looking after me. I remember going to a mix of before and after school clubs, friend's/family's houses around school hours, etc. My mum made it work however she could. We're extremely close, I went to college, then uni,l alongside part time jobs since age 13 as I learned early from my mum that you work hard if you want nice things.
I'm on maternity leave with my first baby now and dreading going back to work, but we're not fortunate enough to afford me being part-time when my maternity leave is up. I do think it's important, particularly for daughters, to see their mums achieving

Yep, I worked full time from when eldest was 6 months, as did DH. DC2 born 2 years later so had another 6 months off for him then both full time in nursery. I employed a playgroup worker as an after-school nanny from 3-6.30pm every day when they started school as no after school clubs here. She was young and fun and it suited her because she worked mornings at the local preschool. Kept her on until they both hit high school. They are now 22 and 20, are still speaking to me and are in gainful employment. They thrived due to the freedom it gave them, I think and they understand the importance of employment. No regrets here.

Dd is just finishing her 1st year at uni.

She is fab. Did really well at uni, has matured a lot, very independent. Very confident.

I think she is great. I am in awe of her and wish I was. as self assured as she is, when I was her age. She is also incredibly kind and thoughtful. I think she is fab.

My parents both worked full time, and I work full time now. They were around plenty for me (my grandparents picked me up from school) and I am around for my son plenty as well.

My parents both worked full time when I was growing up. (I work part time because we're lucky enough to be in a better financial position than they were.) I think I'm a very happy balanced adult and have a great relationship with my wonderful parents!

I have only ever worked FT (DH and I both teachers). Both children went to nursery as no family help.

They are now 20 and 22 both at/finishing top universities. They used to get in from secondary school before me. They travelled by public bus, let themselves in (we installed a key safe as DS would often forget his key and have to knock on our elderly neighbour's door for the spare), put the heating on and would start making dinner for when I got home at 5.15ish. DS could knock up a great bolognese and loved making dinner. Neither did after school clubs. DS would often be kicking a ball round the garden when I got home, DD doing her homework as she had things on in the evening like Guides, youth parliament etc.

My dad used to phone up every night for a chat. The children would tell him about their day and often have a moan to him about friendship issues etc. This made them very confident chatting on the phone and having conversations. Sadly he passed away when they were teenagers. They have turned out to be very well balanced, confident, independent and happy young people. We put in a routine and boundaries for them and they had each other. They are still very close to this day.

I'm part time just now but the child of two full time workers and I'd say I turned out just fine.
You'll feel guilty no matter what you do probably. I work a rota so am in weekends/partial weekends and I feel guilty for missing that time with dd.

There are some lovely stories on this thread 😊