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Original poster

I REALLY need help

28 replies

Helena1993 · 20/05/2023 20:17

My 1 year old screams HYSTERICALLY every night at bedtime. For about an hour. I feed, I sing, I bounce, hug and do whatever I can and nothing helps. It even seems by going in and trying to help I make things worse.
She naps once a day for 1-3 hrs.
I tried offering a second nap in the afternoon but she’s not interested and just cries until I pick her up and let her play. She rarely takes the opportunity and just falls asleep for her second nap.
This has been going on since she started nursery 2 weeks ago. At first it was only bedtime but now this is even happening before naps. Once she falls asleep she sleeps 12 hrs in a row at night. What can I do to stop this?????? This is really hard on me and the baby.
She strangely sometimes takes a bottle and falls asleep. Other times I give her the bottle and she just screams even louder. My ears are literally hurting and I don’t know how to deal with this madness. I even lost my nerves and yelled at her „what the fk is wrong with you!!!“ 😔😔😔😔

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Partytastic · 20/05/2023 20:20

So it’s just started since she started nursery? This is probably the cause. I’m a softie would would say just cuddle her to sleep in a floor bed but if you ask in the sleep section @Fatedestiny will probably be able to give some better advice.

Original poster
Helena1993 · 20/05/2023 20:38

Partytastic · 20/05/2023 20:20

So it’s just started since she started nursery? This is probably the cause. I’m a softie would would say just cuddle her to sleep in a floor bed but if you ask in the sleep section @Fatedestiny will probably be able to give some better advice.

Thanks for the reply! Cuddling somehow makes her even more upset 😢

OP posts:
overitunderit · 20/05/2023 20:57

I agree it sounds like nursery has unsettled her. I would stay with her- don't leave her at all until she goes to sleep. Are you leaving her at all when you put her to bed? It could be that she's struggling with the transition of being left at nursery so at bedtime if she's left it makes her feel the same worry that she's going to be left by you.

If she really won't calm down at all I would take her out of the room and take her downstairs and do whatever you need to calm her down even if it's sitting on the sofa with cartoons for half an hour or reading a story.

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febbabies2023 · 20/05/2023 20:58

Firstly, don't feel bad for shouting at her. I think we've all done it, I know I have! Obviously you feel bad and you don't want to make it a regular occurrence but don't beat yourself up.

Secondly, starting nursery is a huge change for them. Maybe she's suffering with a little bit of separation anxiety?

Thirdly, it's likely an age and a phase thing too. I know it's not hugely helpful but it may just be one of those stages of ride it out

If you think it's sleep related, I would maybe try making the nap earlier and shorter, and then offering the second nap too.

I can't remember when my firstborn dropped to one nap so I can't help much there

My reply probably isn't that helpful, but just wanted to say you're not alone 💐

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 20/05/2023 21:00

How does bedtime work, is there a routine that you follow? How long after getting home from nursery does she go to bed?

Original poster
Helena1993 · 20/05/2023 21:45

overitunderit · 20/05/2023 20:57

I agree it sounds like nursery has unsettled her. I would stay with her- don't leave her at all until she goes to sleep. Are you leaving her at all when you put her to bed? It could be that she's struggling with the transition of being left at nursery so at bedtime if she's left it makes her feel the same worry that she's going to be left by you.

If she really won't calm down at all I would take her out of the room and take her downstairs and do whatever you need to calm her down even if it's sitting on the sofa with cartoons for half an hour or reading a story.

I've tried that a couple times, too. But once I put her back in her crib she starts screaming again. She never cried at nursery though.. when I left.

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PimpMyFridge · 20/05/2023 21:50

The fact that cuddling her makes her worse makes me think she is over stimulated and frazzled. So you have plenty of calm wind down time before bedtime?
Either way, I think your strategy needs to be to help her mental release and switch off process.
So the fewer changes the better (so not going in and out of the room for instance). Maybe some white noise, you can get good white noise apps, experiment and see if you can find one which works.

Original poster
Helena1993 · 20/05/2023 21:51

febbabies2023 · 20/05/2023 20:58

Firstly, don't feel bad for shouting at her. I think we've all done it, I know I have! Obviously you feel bad and you don't want to make it a regular occurrence but don't beat yourself up.

Secondly, starting nursery is a huge change for them. Maybe she's suffering with a little bit of separation anxiety?

Thirdly, it's likely an age and a phase thing too. I know it's not hugely helpful but it may just be one of those stages of ride it out

If you think it's sleep related, I would maybe try making the nap earlier and shorter, and then offering the second nap too.

I can't remember when my firstborn dropped to one nap so I can't help much there

My reply probably isn't that helpful, but just wanted to say you're not alone 💐

Your post is very helpful. And yes I really do feel bad for shouting. It's not her fault. She doesn't voluntarily get upset. It's just that the sound of a baby's cry is extremely stressful.
I'll try feeding less milk, maybe she needs even more solids? Then I'll do the nap thing you mentioned.
Being a parent can be tough. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 20/05/2023 21:52

She sounds over stimulated if cuddles don't work which means I would bring the wind down to bedtime forward by an hour, try that first.

Madeintowerhamlets · 20/05/2023 21:57

My DD was like this OP & it was awful. We ended up doing the pick up put down sleep training method as she was crying so much & nothing seemed to help. The sleep training helped for a bit before she regressed again. It’s interesting that other posters are saying it might be a sign of overstimulation. We now suspect our DD is autistic (not saying this is the case for you) & she is very sensitive to sensory stimulation so I wonder if they are right?

overitunderit · 20/05/2023 22:01

@Helena1993 then don't put her down? Sit with her until she falls asleep and then wait 20
Minutes or so before you put her down. Or lay down next to her. Im almost certain it's stress/attachment related because of nursery. Please don't try sleep training her right now when she's trying to tell you she's feeling unsettled and anxious. She needs you to be her emotional support right now not asking her to self settle or put herself to sleep as well as her new nursery.

Everything with parenting is a phase. I know it feels endless now but give her a few days and treat her with gentleness and love and I'm sure she will come out the other side.

gemloving · 20/05/2023 22:09

If she's got separation anxiety, the cause of her crying is because you leave the room, so if you don't want her to cry. Don't leave the room and stay.

Madeintowerhamlets · 20/05/2023 22:32

Just to say (& it might be different for the OP) but with my DD we weren’t even trying to put her down or leave the room! She would start crying early evening & would sometimes cry on & off for hours. We would be holding her, lying with her & she would still cry. We both felt like we were going insane.

Original poster
Helena1993 · 21/05/2023 19:00

gemloving · 20/05/2023 22:09

If she's got separation anxiety, the cause of her crying is because you leave the room, so if you don't want her to cry. Don't leave the room and stay.

Wow I love when people say that. I’ve tried that too and she did NOT stop crying at all. And I stayed for an hour or two until I finally gave up and tried leaving and see if me being there bothers her

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Original poster
Helena1993 · 21/05/2023 19:01

Madeintowerhamlets · 20/05/2023 22:32

Just to say (& it might be different for the OP) but with my DD we weren’t even trying to put her down or leave the room! She would start crying early evening & would sometimes cry on & off for hours. We would be holding her, lying with her & she would still cry. We both felt like we were going insane.

Same!!! What helped?

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Madeintowerhamlets · 21/05/2023 19:33

@Helena1993 , I’d love to say we found the magic solution but I’m not sure we did! However I think it was partly a phase. Something I now know about my DD is that she is very sensitive to sensory input. So I think pp may be right that it’s a sign of being overstimulated as cuddling & holding doesn’t help. What to do about it is another matter. We ended up doing the pick up put down sleep training method as I was due to go back to work (so it had nothing to do with separation anxiety as DD hadn’t yet started nursery). We had support to do it through our NCT group & it did help but was hard going to start with. Also now I know it was probably due to overstimulation I’m not sure if that was the right approach but we were desperate!

Madeintowerhamlets · 21/05/2023 19:34

I wonder if any posters have any suggestions for how to calm down over stimulated babies? Or anything that helped?

Madeintowerhamlets · 21/05/2023 19:37

Really feel for you OP. It’s awful isn’t it? And unless you’ve had a baby like that then you really don’t get it.

devildeepbluesea · 21/05/2023 19:40

I’m very much not an expert and it’s 9 years since I had to do this. But DD had separation anxiety at that age and the best thing I found was to lie beside her cot but ignore her. So she could see me but wasn’t touching me. It seemed to be the only thing which calmed her enough to sleep.

Original poster
Helena1993 · 21/05/2023 21:40

Thank you so much everyone for helping. I’m still not sure but after I gave up early today and let her cry for 5 mins she stopped and fell asleep and didn’t wake since.
It really is awful 😞
About 1 hour before bedtime I make sure everything is quiet so she has time to wind down but she’s still very energetic and climbs over stuff.
Then at 7pm I change her diaper, dress her, brush her teeth (of course I bathe her but not daily) then I cuddle and read a story while she drinks milk, sing and then I put her in her crib. Pat her back and tell her I love her and say good night and see how she reacts.
This always worked before and she even used to laugh at me at bedtime and fall asleep with a smile.

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Original poster
Helena1993 · 24/05/2023 21:20

I don’t know what changed but she suddenly stopped and sleeps well again… babies are… weird

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 24/05/2023 22:02

Hoorayyyyy, it helps to know that corners can be turned suddenly and unexpectedly, next time you're going through a tough patch it will help you to hang on in there with optimism. Done things you can't control but you get through anyway.
Congrats. 😁

Queenfreak · 24/05/2023 22:08

My little went through this stage too, and she didn't attend nursery.
I found doing an earlier bedtime helped.
It's so flipping stressful when a small child is crying! Please don't blame yourself for loosing the plot sometimes, it happens to us all x

HowcanIhelp123 · 24/05/2023 22:14

Some babies just get overstimulated and pissed off. If leaving her alone means she cries for 5 mins then sleeps happily, imo that is better than her sobbing and screaming for 2 hours with her next to you. If leaving her works, then thats what works. Do it for a couple days and see if the crying stops?