Toddlers bed-sharing

[0MammaBear0]

Hi, I'm a mom to DS 3y, DD1 1.5y and I'm currently expecting DD2. Currently we live in a very small house with 2 bedrooms, in the future we plan on moving somewhere bigger. The nursery is specially very small and currently DS is sleeping in a toddler bed while DD sleeps in the cot. I co-slept with both of them for over a year and I plan on doing the same for DD2. I had the idea of getting a bunk bed where DS could be at the top and DD1 at the bottom, and when DD2 turns 1.5y she could bed-share the bottom bed with her sister so that they could enjoy more space to play in their bedroom. Is this a good idea?

The safety advice recommends children don't use bunk beds until 6 or 7.

Won't two toddlers be very squashed in the bottom bunk together too?

There are bunk beds designed for toddlers, and any ways by then my son will be reaching towards 5 by then. DD1 is quite small (25th percentile) and DD2 according to scans looks like she's going to be quite small too, as a width size of a single bed there would be plenty of room for both of them, I've read many blogs of other moms with small same-sex children who prefer to share a bed over having their own beds, which is where I got the idea from. Currently with 2 beds there's barely any space at all, and it wouldn't fit a 3rd bed at all. We'll move as soon as we're able to somewhere bigger, so this is a temporary measure.

I must add, DS is a big (98th percentile height) and physically very capable boy who I can trust to be at the top. He's never ever fallen from his bed, and of course toddler bunk beds aren't very high and offer better protective barriers than bunk beds for older children

It might be hard having that bed share as their only option- especially if one ends up a terrible sleeper,
or they wiggle in the night and wake each other up,
Or while potty training the older one has accidents and it means waking her sister everytime becaise she gets wet too or to change the sheets,
If one of them is sick- same issue with the sheets and throwing up on each other,
No space if one is ill to avoid the other catching it,
Normally a bunk bed would be against the wall so the child who sleeps nearer the wall would risk waking their sister climbing over her if she needed to get up in the night,
When one wakes up early she is mire likely to wake her sister in the same bed.

With all of that I don't think I would want to choose it and not have it be a last resort. Have you seen the 3 way bunk beds where the bottom is on the floor so the top isn't too high but there is a bed for each child?

I don't think you can assume your children will be happy to share a bed.

I had one who just hated co sleeping - even as a baby, he just liked his own space.

Both my kids move around a lot in their sleep as well.

If it's not for long, can the baby not stay in with you? You can get beds where you have a double on top and the cot underneath?

I think a bed is one of the most basic things a child needs. If they choose to co sleep that's different but I do believe the choice should be theirs. Not giving them their own space isn't a good idea.

As you’ve got a bed and cot in the small room, can you not swap rooms ?

My three year old is in a single bed and he definitely takes up the whole of it and moves up and down/across it during the night. I cannot see how bed sharing especially if it's in a toddler sized bed and not a full single bed would work at all.

However you work it out, I think it's unrealistic to expect to be able to fit three kids and their clothes in a room and also have playing space, playing will need to be in the living room surely?

I think just the safety issue would put me off. My 6 year old would be fine but DD4 is a real climber with no fear and would definitely break a bone by throwing herself off the top bunk / playing around on the ladder , etc.

It might be workable for a few days, e.g. on holiday, but not as a long-term solution for the reasons outlined above. I'd sooner move a toddler bed into my own room for the littlest one, until you can move.

In the nursery there can fit 2 beds, leaving extremely limited free space, it would be much better to compact it into one bedding space. My 3rd could be different, but my 2 kids are very good sleepers and sleep very well cuddling up to someone, and so DD2 could also be like them. If it didn't work out because they wake up each other and have terrible nights I could always resort to having 2 bedding spaces (a bunk bed and a single bed). I'd really need draws beneath the bed to store clothes, so I really couldn't have those bunk beds with 3 mattresses.

Unfortunately not as ny husband sometimes WFH and the only spot available for his desk is our bedroom, and it would not be safe to leave small children around computer equipment and lots of wires.

I know someone who is using this as bunk beds as it’s reversible and can put a mattress on the floor underneath, not nearly as high as bunk beds more like a cabin bed

https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/kura-reversible-bed-white-pine-80253809/?gclsrc=aw.ds&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIotOsosyE_wIVG-ztCh2ICQ-dEAQYASABEgIlJfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Children are different, my children for instance like to have someone or something to cuddle up at night and once they fall asleep they stay there all night long, and DD2 could be just like them, in which case it would work fine. If that weren't the case I could always have a bunk bed and an individual bed in the room, just like they have now, a cot and a toddler bed.

I would be hesitant about assuming your children will stay the same sleep wise. Mine loved the cuddling up until about 4 and then started to sleep like starfish.

I would think about having a plan b just in case. I would be a bit concerned about them becoming adventurous on any sort of bunk, toddler proof in my experience would involve a net over it😂

Not really, if DC3 were happy to bed-share like DC1 and DC2 are I bet they would be quite happy, and having storage under the bunk bed there would be quite some space to play. I'm a SAHM and my children are with me at all times (DS won't go to nursery) and I need a child-proof safe space where I can leave them to play independently for ~1h/day while I clean the house, otherwise nothing gets done. The rest of the day, however, they play in the living room or in the garden and we go out to the park and on walks in the morning

It might work for the short term but my worry would be that it just becomes your normal and if the planned move doesn't happen for some reason or takes longer than planned, what's the plan B in that instance?

Your son won't want to or be able to share with his sister's in the not too distant future. He will need his own space let alone his own bed.

Thanks for the recommendation 😄

Hi OP it sounds like you have already made up your mind and decided that this is what you are going to do.

personally I don’t think this is a good idea, can you and your partner not put a bed in your living room and have you 2 DD share and your DS in the small room?

It's a terrible idea but, as pp has already said, it sounds like you have already made up your mind. I would not be surprised if school (once they reach that age) spoke with social services, concerned about 3 in a small room and that includes 2 to HAVE to share a bed (very big difference from 2 kids who each night make the choice to sleep together). Stop having more kids before you can house them suitably - in no world is shared beds suitable

I really wouldn't assume you will get a third cuddly cosleeper. I have one who loves cosleeping and one who hates it. I don't think it's genetic.

Could you have something like this? Where the beds go different ways. Means they all get their own bed while not taking up much floorspace, maybe half a bed more but it has a lot of storage so would probably still save more space. And its stairs instead of a ladder which looks a bit safer for a small child in the dark.

Update: baby 3 hasn't been born yet, DS and DD have their own beds but recently DS decided all on his own initiative that he'd rather climb into DD's cot and cuddle up to her for bed time. DD had been lately struggling with night terrors and nightmares and since DS gets in her cot she's sleeping much better lol

Wow I can’t believe your permanent plan is for two children to share a toddler bed? And you think it’s funny too.
how long do you think they can share and what’s your plan for when they are older?