Toddlers bed-sharing

[0MammaBear0]

Hi, I'm a mom to DS 3y, DD1 1.5y and I'm currently expecting DD2. Currently we live in a very small house with 2 bedrooms, in the future we plan on moving somewhere bigger. The nursery is specially very small and currently DS is sleeping in a toddler bed while DD sleeps in the cot. I co-slept with both of them for over a year and I plan on doing the same for DD2. I had the idea of getting a bunk bed where DS could be at the top and DD1 at the bottom, and when DD2 turns 1.5y she could bed-share the bottom bed with her sister so that they could enjoy more space to play in their bedroom. Is this a good idea?

@Sandysandwich That's a great idea and that's actually what I had been looking for the future once DD2 is ready to be moved out of our bedroom once she's around 1 year old or so, that's the plan atm unless we move somewhere better which it's something we're also looking atm x

I wouldn't call a room with a bunk bed child (toddler, anyway) proof

@Wellhellother in case you lack reading comprehension skills I said MOMENTARILY as in "short-term" IF (hypothetical situation) we couldn't find somewhere bigger to move in a time frame of a year or so (unlikely). But also you think that's unsuitable, I tell you the vast majority of working class families lived in worse situations in the past and they were fine. I personally think that schools should contact social services on the families of fat children or children who are given crap to eat. My children eat milk and eggs bought from a local farm, not the supermarket, fresh meat from a local traditional butchers whose animals come from local farmers and as much organic foods as possible. We apply secure attachment parenting instead of sticking them in front of a screen or sending them off to nursery to be looked after by strangers along with 10 other kids who are not getting the adult attention they require. So I assure you my children are much happier and healthier than a lot of other children, and however I plan my family that's my business and not yours, love.

@SoSad44 in case you can't read my very first message I said this would be momentarily, as in short-term. But shortly after posting this I've been looking at toddler bunk beds (bunk beds designed for toddlers) with 3 beds if by then we're still living in this house which we're also looking towards moving.

I had been feeling a bit sorry for you OP because people didn't like you idea and you were just trying to make things work. However, you then did a post bashing other parents. So my reply will change drastically to what it initially was going to be.

No, I think it's ridiculous to think 3 children can share a bunk bed. Whether they choose to cuddle or not, they need to be given their own separate space.

I think your kids would benefit from Nursery.

@StampOnTheGround I came here to ask to ask for opinions/advice, some moms said quiet politely that wasn't a good idea, another one pointed out a good alternative. Now others were being plainly rude, so me being rude back is not "bashing".

The point of bunk beds is that every child has their own bed.

Nursery was done to allow mothers to work, not for the benefit of children. I can link to you if you wish psychological studies that they've done following the development of now adults and teenagers who had gone to nursery, and the results were that people who have gone to nursery as adults suffer much more from mental health than people who as children were looked after by their parents or other relatives such as grandparents. My children are very extrovert and social and from a very early age have learnt to share, give and play WITH other kids (as opposed to play NEXT TO as I've seen many other nursery kids my son's age do in playgroups). Children, specially when they're very young belong with their mothers, not in a cubicle looked after 1 or unknown 2 adults along with other 10-15 children and to be left ignored without adult interaction one-to-one.

You can comfortably have a child in a cot until they are 2.5, if not a bit longer, so it gives you plenty of time to move. This is a moot issue. (Although having a four year old in the top of a bunk bed isn’t, I’d do some serious research to make sure what you’re doing is safe if you decide to do that.)

You've obviously convinced yourself that your way of parenting is the best and only way and are refusing to listen to other opinions which is arrogant and rude.

It is ridiculous to think 3 children can share a tiny room and bordering on neglectful. If you didn't have space for a 3rd child you shouldn't have got pregnant. Simple as that. As a PP said a bed is one of a child's most basic needs and you can't provide that.

Don't come at hard-working parents who use childcare settings in order to provide adequately sized homes for their families. You bash nurseries but are happy to leave your 3 year old and 1.5 year old in a room while you clean the house which doesn't sound safe or much fun for them.

Get down from your high horse and start acting like you're a perfect parent.

*stop acting

@ReeseWitherfork there are bunk beds designed to be used for toddlers, which the top bed is easier and safer to access and the height is much lower. That being said I'm talking about a situation over a year from now and by then we might have moved to somewhere bigger. Toddler bunk beds are safe for toddlers

Honestly OP as you're seemingly a better parent than anyone else, I'm not really sure why you're asking for opinions. Surely you're automatically right?

But no, a room with bunk beds is not a secure place to put the kids for an hour a day when one of them is a toddler. Will the baby also be confined to the bedroom whilst you clean?

Personally I'd leave them as they are. Much safer to be playing on a toddler bed and small floor space. Just keep baby with you until you move

@MrsSamR There are objectively better and worse ways of parenting, and small children benefit from having mom at home with them and a present father, which all of this is pointless to the main topic. My children are perfectly happy, well mannered and educated, healthy and well fed, and well looked after, they spend all day with me, usually they get put in their room for independent play time with their toys for like half an hour or less in a safe child-proofed room while I do a big task, which is healthy for them as well as they get to use their imagination, and I believe they have quite a lot of fun as I hear them giggling and chatting to each other. Shortly after posting this (and forgetting I even posted it in the first place) I began researching bunk beds designed for toddlers with 3 beds, so that in the case that we would still be living in this renting property over a year from now that's what we would do, and it's something someone else quite politely suggested. Be polite and I'll be polite back, be rude and condescending and expect the same treatment.

Be polite and I'll be polite back, be rude and condescending and expect the same treatment.

No one actually said you were a bad mother or questioned whether your kids were OK, someone just suggested that school might raise it as a safeguarding flag if they’re concerned about your housing situation. Which is true, they might. You’re awfully defensive about nothing.

I wonder if your children are as smug and self satisfied as you too?

FWIW my children are also well mannered, educated, well cared for, well fed, happy and healthy and my eldest attends nursery as I work part-time and am currently on mat leave with my youngest.

My children have never co-slept and were in their own rooms at 6 months old. They have no problems with attachment to me, my husband and each other. There's nothing wrong with being a SAHM but the judgement towards working mothers is cruel and unnecessary. We are all doing what we deem best for our kids too and we don't have to agree. It's not a competition.

You put a question out on a public forum and seem surprised to have received negative responses. If you're so sure of yourself then don't ask strangers on the internet for validation.

I think all children should have the option of their own sleep space. Choosing to bed share with siblings is fine, but both children should have a private space to retreat to if they want to sleep alone.

Please don’t be so judgmental of parents that choose nursery for their children. There’s no objective right or wrong, just opinions and what’s best for individual families. Just like I’d never leave a 3 and 1.5 year old alone for an hour and am happy that they are using their imaginations with me, or another trusted adult, in the room.

How bizarre that you think nursery is terrible and yet happily leave a 3 year old and 1.5 year old alone for an hour a day while you clean.