The thin line between being proud and being boastful

[tashunka]

I am very proud of ds1. I think he is a wonderful boy.
When I mention this to certain people- within an appropriate discussion-they get very tetchy with me.
I really don't do it in a boastful way.
Why is it more acceptable to complain about your dc rather than praise them?
Quite an anti- child feeling to be sneered at because you think they are great isn't it?

I guess because they are her close family I want them to say well done and make him proud but they never do.

I meant our close family sorry

True lolli thanks, you have been very insightful

That'd be like someone in second place in a competition turning round and praising the winner of the competition. You won't see that very often because competative people don't come second, they come first, and they hate their rivals with a passion. It's not logical for family not to want their own to do well, but emotions aren't always logical. Don't push the point by putting the info out to be praised, in later years when they've dealt with their own issues surrounding their child they will likely be able to praise your child's achievements too, but at the moment they are just too gutted to do it.

It's a bit like a pregnant lady who's best friend has just had a miscarriage, you hear of lots of ladies hating their best friend because she is pg and they no longer are. It's not rational, it's just pure emotion, and in the end when it all works out ok they can see that they were wrong and can praise their best friend for doing a superb job of giving birth etc, but until they are over their loss etc it's just not possible.

Oh and Tashunka, thanks - you've been great, you're a good mum and you're not boastful, you're just proud of your child's achievements, which you should be. You've just been made to feel it because your brother has other circumstances going on at the moment.

"Plus he's probably feeling really guilty about wishing his child is as good as yours"

No it's not - it's about wishing your child didn't have to go through the problems they go through and not wanting the 'norms' shoved in your face. It's incredibly insensitive to keep hammering home the difference. I never talk about ds2 to my friend who lost a child - however well he's done- because he was the same age as her ds and it would just be rubbing her nose in it.

Wrong audience.

It's just not English is it?

I would love to be "openly proud" of my children's achievements, but you just can't do it in the UK. It's mostly fine with close family, and for certain sporting achievements - definitely not for anything academic.

No wonder many teachers and schools struggle to motivate their students to high academic achievement.

I remember when I got my A level results I was away on camp, and I kept avoiding telling people what my results were, and pretended I hadn't got through to my parents; because I'd got very high results and didn't want to be seen to be boasting - especially as others there had failed or not got the grades they needed.

Yurt - Maybe that is it, maybe I'm doing her brother a disservice, but seeing as she mentioned how they are a very competative family I'd think he would happily mention the fact that he's worried his child will have to struggle, but he wouldn't mention it if he thought what he was thinking is shameful.

I wouldn't say I was shoving the norm in their faces, yurt. I have explained I go out of my way not to sound boastful and hardly tell them anything at all now.
I discuss their dd's predicament and always have a sympathetic ear. I just don't know why it can't be give and take

Anyway, I really didn't want to get into talking about my family on the internet. It was part of a bigger question that I think you have misunderstood yurt

Well for whatever reason if your brother is rolling his eyes he presumably doesn't want to hear it. If his daughter has problems then presumably that could be why. "give and take' means understanding when someone is the wrong audience as well.

Now that is an excellent post, Yurt.

Tash, if you take nothing else from this thread, take that last post.

The answer to your question is right in front of you. And if you ask, you get