This surely can't be the norm? (Sleep related)

[alexaishername]

DC is 12 months, has never slept through. A good night is 4-5 resettles, a bad is 15+. We cosleep and EBF (still BF to sleep). But DC does things I don't hear about other children the same age doing - not necessarily one in isolation, but a combination of any/all these things... it's making me wonder if there's a sleep condition occurring:

• Will most nights, within the first hour or so, suddenly start screaming and flailing limbs out of no where. Appears to be sometimes triggered by the light from my phone even though it's on the lowest setting and is dimmed further by an app, and even if not facing DC.

• Will suddenly sit up and interact (point and verbalise towards something, or grabs the nearest object) before very quickly falling back asleep. Can happen during both naps and at night.

• Is disturbed enough to need resettling by their own fidgeting/need to pass wind (hence why so many resettles are needed).

• Will act very confused/scared if you touch/sing/whisper to/pick up/cuddle when trying to resettle, the tiniest thing will result in screaming out of no where.

I'm sure there's more but I'm half asleep having been awoken by one of these episodes so I'm probably forgetting to mention other quirks.

I'm assuming your baba is still in the same room as you? Maybe it's time they go in their own room. X

Both mine were still waking that often at 12 months. My 2y10mo hasn't come close to sleeping through (he manages 3 hours on a good night). My older one did the odd night of sleeping through from 18 months but didn't really get it till 3ish. I would say the number of wakes ups at that age for both were pretty much what you've included in your post.

I can't really comment on the specific things you've listed as they did / do all sorts of weird things so they all sound like things they might have done at that age, it changed as they got older.

All I can say is that I have a lot of sympathy, it's really bloody hard! No advice as I've never cracked it but I do appreciate how tired you will be feeing. It's a lot x

It does sound like your child is being disturbed by sharing a room/bed with you and you Husband , both mine slept in their cots in their own room from 6 months .

Both my two behaved like that at various points in phases. My eldest is nearly 5 and she still does that occasionally now, think it's nightmares/night terror type things. I know that's of no help whatsoever, I don't actually think there's anything you can do about them really but just reassurance that it does definitely happen to other children too! I agree though that they do also stsrt to get disturbed room sharing, we moved ours into their own rooms at 16 months and 17 months respectively and both started generally waking up later in the mornings in particular as they weren't being woken by us getting up for work.

My DD used to do the randomly sit up, point at something and babble, then fall back asleep thing. Was a bit unnerving but I assume it’s because their little brains are processing so much learning and language

My partner doesn't sleep in the same room, and I know it's not because of anything I'm doing from both observing it while I'm awake and having recorded whole nights on video. These things also happen for naps.

Not cosleeping is not an option though until something improves/stops - the exhaustion I experienced having to go in and out of their room multiple times a night and struggling to get back to sleep again was dangerous.

I'm more querying whether the activity is normal/common rather than looking for a solution - my relationship almost fell apart due to me obsessing about how to "fix" it.

That sounds terrible for both you and DC, neither of you are having a decent sleep. Can I suggest engaging a sleep specialist, sleep is restorative and so important for babies development

@Cakeandslippers @WeightoftheWorld @riotlady

Reassuring to know that DC isn't the only one, thank you. We have sleepwalking run in the family but I couldn't find anything about infants/toddlers this young and most information suggests it's developmental when it usually starts around 3-4.

We already have the t-shirt. We were advised to see the GP due to "red flags", but they inevitably weren't interested as DC is regarded as thriving.

A GP will know sod all about baby sleep. I really think you would benefit from a sleep specialist - this isn’t the norm.

When you say a sleep specialist, can I assume you mean medically trained as opposed to a "sleep consultant"? If so, this is what I was considering pushing for depending on the general consensus with how normal these things are.

Gosh I just wanted to come by and say it's not you, it can be awful if you have a bad sleeper and worse still if you think it's something you're not doing right. So much advice about putting them down and letting them fuss until they sleep, and not rushing when they cry and it makes no sense whatsoever.
Our oldest was no way a sleeper, he would always wake from naps screaming instantly and the same overnight. We got him into his own room at about 18 months and onto water instead of milk overnight, but he still woke up crying at least once a night until about 2 years old. He still wakes crying frequently at nearly 4 years old, but now he can sometimes say what's wrong (e.g. spiders on the stairs, something about dinosaurs, duvet is not at the right angle etc)

I think some children experience the world more intensely than others, which can really disrupt sleep.

Every time we asked the health visitor clinic for help with sleep they didn't really say anything useful, and we haven't had anything from a health visitor since covid started when he was 6 months old.

I hope you can sort things out for your own sanity, lack of sleep plus stress over getting it wrong is really stressful. Good luck!

I'd put him in his own room and stop bf

Bottle feed if necessary

She doesn't have to stop bf but definitely needs to be in his own room. My son was in his own room at 11 weeks. He slept so much better

Own room and start gentle sleep training. There’s a good chance he’ll sleep through by the end of the week. You’ll have 1-2 bad nights at the start but you’re used to bad nights anyway. To not even try this would be madness!

You sound exactly like my friend. Her bf baby was the same. She had to stop BF at 18m due to events outside her control which meant they were separated.

Her child weaned within a week and sleeps through the night in his own now.

Are you sure your baby is well fed?
Also accept that you are disturbing your childs sleep by room sharing.

Hm… it’s sounds like she’s still asleep during some of these disturbances. How quickly do you react? DS talks/cries out in his sleep and has always done so (he’s 22mo) but he doesn’t need resettling. As for cosleeping, DS and I coslept and for a long time we all slept better for it, eventually the opposite was true and now being in the same room is a huge distraction. I echo PP suggestions to move her and “sleep train” (whatever that looks like for you) but if you prefer to cosleep that might not be for you. FWIW DS also slept better when I stopped BF at just over 12 months because he used other comfort methods, again this wasn’t always the case, BF helped him sleep for a long time, but he grew out of it I did the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” weaning method after he self weaned from a couple of feeds.

No I meant a sleep consultant as in sleep training

Hi, my daughter is now 13 months and she was exactly the same. She was also breastfed and I was up most nights at least 5 times feeding her but not even really feeding her because she just wanted a dummy (we cosleep too). Obviously I don't wanna encourage you to stop breastfeeding but I stopped when she was 12 months and it has saved my sleep she actually sleeps through the night now. Maybe you could just try stopping breastfeeding him to sleep/ at night for now? Also I've bought a swaddle for 12 months + where you don't swaddle there arms and this has also really helped she doesn't even move anymore just sleeps in the same position all night, when she wakes I just tap her tummy and talk to her and she's back to sleep in no time

Jesus. That sounds awful. You poor thing. 15+ wakes?!

Night wean, own room, sleep train.

Would putting to bed on her own and then co sleeping when the wake ups start be an option?

My son was pretty similar. We didn't co sleep but he would go down fairly easy sleep around 3-4 hours then be up every 30-60 min all night. There was a lot of issues early doors - reflux, cmpa which didn't help. We tried everything, some things that helped - tilted cot (for digestion, ) stopping night feeds, ditching dummy. It stopped around 15 months. The he started sleeping about 10 hours! And once naps dropped 12 hours. He's eight now and sleeps around 9 hours. In your case It sounds like the sleep arrangement is disturbing him.

The other thing we did was tag team. I went to bed about 7pm, dh stayed up till 12/1 (I expressed a bottle every day) and then I did the night wakes. It meant I got a good 5 hours before I was up. Other than that I cat napped during the night and would nap in day when ds napped. I was managing 6-7 hours sleep.

Mine actually slept better when in their own room. I think no matter how careful you are at some point babies do start to be annoyed by the presence of another person, mine did anyway. I did sleep train mine , it took all of one night, and we all slept better then.

Read up about sensory processing, sounds like your little one may have specific sensory sensitivities and needs, might help you get the sensory 'diet' right. Sympathy, you won't be able to think this through yourself so sleep deprived.