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Original poster

AIBU to want a weekend away?

26 replies

Hunterrose · 08/05/2023 09:34

DH and I have a 18mo DD together. He loves his hobby (football) and is away at least twice a week in the evening playing etc. I always support this. He always says i need to get a hobby - so recently have joined a running club. Ive really enjoyed having one evening a week myself doing something for me. He always seems a bit moody the evening of my club. The club is entering a race far away from our home which would involve me staying for 2 nights. He is working that weekend but the place is quite close to my parents and they would be willing to babysit. I was really excited about the event, however he has had a total hissy fit about it and is adamant DD shouldnt be away from him for that long. Im so upset i want to go and he is making me feel really selfish, and says everyone would agree that it is excessive. AIBU?

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LittleBearPad · 08/05/2023 09:36

YANBU.

It seems a no brainer. He’ll be working that weekend anyway.

DustyLee123 · 08/05/2023 09:37

Tell him to get lost. Many parents work away and don’t see kids for days/weeks/months at a time.

Notamum12345577 · 08/05/2023 09:38

Hunterrose · 08/05/2023 09:34

DH and I have a 18mo DD together. He loves his hobby (football) and is away at least twice a week in the evening playing etc. I always support this. He always says i need to get a hobby - so recently have joined a running club. Ive really enjoyed having one evening a week myself doing something for me. He always seems a bit moody the evening of my club. The club is entering a race far away from our home which would involve me staying for 2 nights. He is working that weekend but the place is quite close to my parents and they would be willing to babysit. I was really excited about the event, however he has had a total hissy fit about it and is adamant DD shouldnt be away from him for that long. Im so upset i want to go and he is making me feel really selfish, and says everyone would agree that it is excessive. AIBU?

Give him the choice. He can book the weekend off and have child with him while you go, or he accepts you go with child.

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KatnissNeverdone · 08/05/2023 09:39

If he doesn't want to be away from her for that long tell him to book it off work and he can look after her instead.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 08/05/2023 09:40

Wtf!! Tell him to do one.

That, or remember your place is at home cooking and cleaning to facilitate him.

I would certainly not be watching the kids as expected going forward when he goes to football

BendingSpoons · 08/05/2023 09:44

He's sabotaging you. You are perfectly reasonable to go. As PP said, he can:

  • Accept
  • Book off work and look after her
  • Book off work and come with you

There is no sensible reason for you to miss out.

tribpot · 08/05/2023 09:49

He's free to arrange childcare so that DD can stay at home and he can see her in the mornings and evenings? I would have thought if he asked nicely his parents or yours might come to stay to facilitate this?

But he has to find an alternative solution; you are going to do that race, and you've already considered childcare. Ball's in his court now.

GoodChat · 08/05/2023 09:52

Tell him he can arrange childcare if he wants her near him.

HappyAsASandboy · 08/05/2023 10:18

He has three choices here - he either books the weekend off work and cares for DD himself, he arranges to stay at your parents with DD so he can see her around work, or his doesn't see DD for two nights. His choice; give him a deadline to confirm by that allows you to set things up with your parents in good time.

You not going isn't a choice he has.

Also consider that this very likely has more to do with wanting to stop you going away than it does him missing DD. Two nights is not very long at all to be without an 18 month old!

TheMoops · 08/05/2023 10:30

Not excessive at all!

It just sounds like he doesn't want you to go.

TheaBrandt · 08/05/2023 10:34

How does he keep a straight face saying that? The hypocrisy is astounding. I would stop being so fucking understanding about the football too if that’s the way he wants to play it. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander and all that..

Original poster
Hunterrose · 08/05/2023 10:36

Thanks all, i really didnt think I was being unreasonable. He is gping to take time off work and get his parents to help, but is still in a stinking mood about it and going on about how hard it will be eyeroll. He is obviously trying to guilt me into not going.

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Original poster
Hunterrose · 08/05/2023 10:37

HappyAsASandboy · 08/05/2023 10:18

He has three choices here - he either books the weekend off work and cares for DD himself, he arranges to stay at your parents with DD so he can see her around work, or his doesn't see DD for two nights. His choice; give him a deadline to confirm by that allows you to set things up with your parents in good time.

You not going isn't a choice he has.

Also consider that this very likely has more to do with wanting to stop you going away than it does him missing DD. Two nights is not very long at all to be without an 18 month old!

We have been away from her before for 2 nights at a wedding when she was only 6mo, he didnt have an issue then! 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
tribpot · 08/05/2023 10:38

Why is it going to be so hard for three adults to look after one toddler?! Why does he need to take time off work if his parents are coming down?! Bloody hell, what a performance.

kernowpicklepie · 08/05/2023 10:39

As a PP said, he's sabotaging you.
The reason he was fine when she was 6 months is because I assume you were at the wedding together.
If you're away on you're own then clearly that yes what he's annoyed about, not the fact he won't see DD for 2 days.

I'd keep an eye on that as it could get worse

LittleBearPad · 08/05/2023 10:42

Why does he need his parents help to look after his daughter. How pathetic.

Ignore his tantrums and consider carefully whether you want to be married to such a child.

DollyTrolly · 08/05/2023 10:42

We have been away from her before for 2 nights at a wedding when she was only 6mo, he didnt have an issue then! 🤷‍♀️

It's not the nights away. He tried to guilt you into not going by using that as an excuse.

Now It's the fact it will be more work for him.

LittleBearPad · 08/05/2023 10:43

Hunterrose · 08/05/2023 10:37

We have been away from her before for 2 nights at a wedding when she was only 6mo, he didnt have an issue then! 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Yes but that’s because he was going there too.

This has nothing to do with seeing your daughter and everything to do with putting you in your place.

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 08/05/2023 10:43

Work out how many waking hours he would miss then point out how many he misses for his hobbies a week...

mewkins · 08/05/2023 10:44

He doesn't like you having an interest where you socialise with other people is my guess. Is he usually jealous?

Original poster
Hunterrose · 08/05/2023 10:50

He has many flaws (lol) but 100% not jealous, never has been. But over the years has become a lot more bossy, always seems to have an issue with anything out of his plans. Think probably a bit of OCD, cant deal with change well etc. Im not sure i can deal with it anymore anyway, its making me miserable. And that is NOT my personality.

OP posts:
tribpot · 08/05/2023 10:52

Did this get worse when DD came along?

Original poster
Hunterrose · 08/05/2023 10:54

tribpot · 08/05/2023 10:52

Did this get worse when DD came along?

Yes absolutely. I have always been pretty independant and headstrong, but now he can use her to stop me doing what i want 😔

OP posts:
McGoadyFromFuckingGoadyville · 08/05/2023 10:58

He doesn't care about DD being away. He doesn't like you doing something for yourself, out the house. He's controlling.

mewkins · 08/05/2023 11:51

He realises that you having this hobby and making new friends will take you away from him more and doesn't like that he's losing his grip.