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Original poster

Would this upset you if this happened to your child?

69 replies

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 29/04/2023 09:13

My 8 year old son is bright and I’ve been told this by all his teachers. Unfortunately he can be difficult sometimes because he doesn’t always follow instructions and doesn’t listen. His teacher has raised this with us and we are trying to deal with it.

His school awards star of the week and if a child earns this award it is announced at assembly including the reason why and they are given a certificate and a sticker. My son was given star of the week yesterday and it was announced to all the kids in assembly that he was star of the week for being ‘much more focused’. He told us this made him feel embarrassed.

I know his teacher meant well and was trying to recognise an improvement in his behaviour but I feel a bit upset by this - deep down I think I’m worried for him because he is very bright but unless he changes his approach to school and his behaviour then he is going to waste the opportunity he has to do really well.

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Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 11:37

Saschka · 29/04/2023 11:20

Sounds like they remember it because you still go on about it a lot? And they are ribbing you.

A neighbour would not even have seen the school newsletter, let alone read it in enough depth to notice that a child unrelated to them had star of the week, and then remember it twenty years later.

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everybody with a child in the school saw the newsletter

SandLResources · 29/04/2023 11:40

Where's the lady on that other thread who said she hasn't belly laughed in ages and was looking for recommendations? 😂

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 11:40

willWillSmithsmith · 29/04/2023 11:30

Is that because you bring it up?

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I dont bring it up, but they may remember it because he was so devastated at the time - and I took him out of the school shortly after - which a lot of people who saw the newletter agreed I should do

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PuttingDownRoots · 29/04/2023 11:46

He's got Star of the Week for something he did well. He's being noticed for a pistove thing..

SallyWD · 29/04/2023 11:53

It wouildbt upset me. The teacher is right to acknowledge the improvement. I'd try abd reassure him that there's no need to be embarrassed.

GOW56 · 29/04/2023 11:58

I wouldn't find it upsetting and I think it's pretty standard practice in schools. He was given an award for improving something he finds difficult. Surely that's a positive.
I have been to awards ceremonies where kids are given awards for trying hard, listening, improving behavior etc.
Did your son say why it embarrassed him?

EllandRd · 29/04/2023 11:59

Why on Earth would you be upset? Seriously?

Madamecastafiore · 29/04/2023 12:01

Take him out and give him a treat today for reaching his target and getting star of the week. Tell him how proud you and the school are of him. Don't mention him being embarrassed just back up the award he has from the school and he'll feel so good about himself.

rainbowstardrops · 29/04/2023 12:02

Nope, I wouldn't be upset at all - I'd be proud that they were focussing on improving their behaviour!
It's no different to a child who struggles with maths or English, trying really hard and the teacher recognising their effort. It's normal!
Are you sure he wasn't embarrassed 'just' because he had to go to the front of assembly to receive his certificate or something similar? Lots of children get embarrassed by the attention of everyone looking at them.

DameKatyDenisesClagnuts · 29/04/2023 12:06

It's the wording that's upsetting

If he'd been told his award was for 'great focus' then I assume that would have been okay.

Saying 'much better focus' or whatever, tells him and his peers that he was previously unfocused

lljkk · 29/04/2023 12:07

No it would not upset me.

My dad loves to tell with mirth, the story about how he & his brother got "best behaviour" awards at age 11. They knew full well they weren't the best behaved, but their behaviour had been diabolical not long before. Everyone knew this was context why they got the award, there was no shame in it.

DameKatyDenisesClagnuts · 29/04/2023 12:09

Willmafrockfit · 29/04/2023 11:35

i cannot see it is anything to be upset about.
they could have given him an award for being Kind

Kind= fine

But if they'd said 'kinder' - that's the equivalent of what was said in the OP scenario

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 12:50

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 11:40

I dont bring it up, but they may remember it because he was so devastated at the time - and I took him out of the school shortly after - which a lot of people who saw the newletter agreed I should do

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I took him out of the school shortly after - which a lot of people who saw the newletter agreed I should do
😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

JeanieJo · 29/04/2023 12:53

It’s a backhanded compliment, it’s not nice. He is self conscious about his lack of focus, which presumably (a) he can’t help and (b) gets told off for, so I can see why he doesn’t like it. Would be better if he got an award for something that he genuinely does well.

Outgrabe · 29/04/2023 13:25

DameKatyDenisesClagnuts · 29/04/2023 12:06

It's the wording that's upsetting

If he'd been told his award was for 'great focus' then I assume that would have been okay.

Saying 'much better focus' or whatever, tells him and his peers that he was previously unfocused

But this was obvious to his peers! Do you honestly think his classmates have somehow not noticed previous bad behaviour/‘poor focus’? Or that it was news to the child himself?

aSofaNearYou · 29/04/2023 13:26

JeanieJo · 29/04/2023 12:53

It’s a backhanded compliment, it’s not nice. He is self conscious about his lack of focus, which presumably (a) he can’t help and (b) gets told off for, so I can see why he doesn’t like it. Would be better if he got an award for something that he genuinely does well.

Why would you presume he can't help his lack of focus? Lots of children lack focus and can help it, that's the point of discipline.

drpet49 · 29/04/2023 13:49

aSofaNearYou · 29/04/2023 09:47

I know his teacher meant well and was trying to recognise an improvement in his behaviour but I feel a bit upset by this - deep down I think I’m worried for him because he is very bright but unless he changes his approach to school and his behaviour then he is going to waste the opportunity he has to do really well.

Yet you're objecting to him being made aware that he doesn't generally focus enough. No I wouldn't be upset about it, it sounds like this is exactly what he needs and if you want him to be shielded from this reality, then he will end up as you have said above.

This. I do wonder how some kids will function as an adult.

Tilliemolly · 29/04/2023 14:54

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 11:03

Wow. You've got issues...

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that is rude ReadersD1gest, all I can say back is it tells me all about you from your user name, I feel well grounded and ok with what i say.

Tilliemolly · 30/04/2023 11:03

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 11:03

Wow. You've got issues...

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No issues thankyou, just experience and going through life with my eyes wide open, not just a sheep, which sounds like you.

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