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Original poster

Would this upset you if this happened to your child?

69 replies

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 29/04/2023 09:13

My 8 year old son is bright and I’ve been told this by all his teachers. Unfortunately he can be difficult sometimes because he doesn’t always follow instructions and doesn’t listen. His teacher has raised this with us and we are trying to deal with it.

His school awards star of the week and if a child earns this award it is announced at assembly including the reason why and they are given a certificate and a sticker. My son was given star of the week yesterday and it was announced to all the kids in assembly that he was star of the week for being ‘much more focused’. He told us this made him feel embarrassed.

I know his teacher meant well and was trying to recognise an improvement in his behaviour but I feel a bit upset by this - deep down I think I’m worried for him because he is very bright but unless he changes his approach to school and his behaviour then he is going to waste the opportunity he has to do really well.

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DcatAnnie · 29/04/2023 10:30

I would try not to worry about what his class makes think. DS10 usual can’t remember who got the student of the week if it wasn’t him let alone what for. This would not worry me at all and I would be pleased he had received a reward. I would Display the award (with his permission) and be positive about it.

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:32

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 10:28

Annoyed at what? Maybe you should have focused your ire on the behaviour that needed improving??
How self obsessed can you get; imagining the other school mums remember it twenty years later 😂. Unless this was a joke post?

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they do remember it, it is still refered to

BridgetsBigPants · 29/04/2023 10:32

aSofaNearYou · 29/04/2023 10:23

Your sons self esteem has taken a hit here and lots of people seem to think that's ok? I think you need to work with him to get to the root of the issue here and why he feels that way about himself.

Because it's ok to be criticised sometimes - we don't have to never tell kids their behaviour isn't meeting the required standard because it might make them feel bad. He needs to learn to improve on these things.

Nobody's saying don't talk to him about why he's embarrassed, but I think it's ridiculous to imply nobody should ever mention to him that he isn't listening enough.

This exactly. It is okay for kids to be told that there are things they need to improve on. It is also great that your son has worked hard and improved at something he struggled with.

My son has always been embarrassed getting certificates or awards. One of the things he needs to work on is his confidence. It's not a big deal.

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ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 10:34

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:32

they do remember it, it is still refered to

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I'm sure you like to believe you and your child are that exalted, but I'm not buying it for a second.

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:34

Outgrabe · 29/04/2023 10:27

Because implicit in the award was that he hadn’t always behaved well? Were you under the impression no one else had noticed his bad behaviour before an improvement was rewarded?

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it certainly publicised his problems to people who had no idea about them

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:36

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 10:34

I'm sure you like to believe you and your child are that exalted, but I'm not buying it for a second.

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o yeah, he recently got a masters degree, and one neighbour congratulated him and said it wasn't what youd expect from someone who only ever got star of the week for improved behaviour. and others have referredto it over the years

but you beleive what you like, your problem, not mine

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 10:37

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:34

it certainly publicised his problems to people who had no idea about them

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They'll have seen the undesirable behaviour, and then seen that he was improving 🤷🏻‍♀️
You are so odd 🤔

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 10:37

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:36

o yeah, he recently got a masters degree, and one neighbour congratulated him and said it wasn't what youd expect from someone who only ever got star of the week for improved behaviour. and others have referredto it over the years

but you beleive what you like, your problem, not mine

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Your neighbours remember this as well? Well, I never.

CrimpleneAttraction · 29/04/2023 10:37

it certainly publicised his problems to people who had no idea about them

Is he a celeb or famous in your area in some way?

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:38

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 10:37

They'll have seen the undesirable behaviour, and then seen that he was improving 🤷🏻‍♀️
You are so odd 🤔

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no, the weekly news letter went to every parent in the whole school. Lots of people even in his own class would not have seen the naughty behaviour, certainly not people in other classes

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:39

It was one of the reasons I removed him from the school

WandaWonder · 29/04/2023 10:41

No I could not imagine any reason to be upset at all with this

Beenhereageskeepchangingname · 29/04/2023 10:42

Sometimes , the arguments for paying teachers more make themselves.

what a post . I don’t know if I should add a laughing or a crying emoji 🤦‍♀️

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 10:42

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:39

It was one of the reasons I removed him from the school

And they still remember, twenty years later... Of course they do.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 29/04/2023 10:53

Nope I couldn't get upset about a teacher telling the truth 🤷‍♀️

FlamingoCroquet · 29/04/2023 10:54

I understand the issue, OP, because my son was like this too - bright (teachers told me) but with difficulties with attention and extremely easily distracted. He still struggles with this now, and he's about to take A levels. Without going into details of diagnoses etc, it's just the way his brain works, and he has low self-esteem because of it.
I understand why your DS would be upset, because it's announcing with a certificate and sticker to the whole school that he normally has problems but has got a bit better.

Tilliemolly · 29/04/2023 10:55

Schools are toxic, teachers have agendas, kids are cruel, parents are clicky, its all about control and conformity, listen to your son carefully and take on board what he says, then act accordingly, this is coming from experience

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 11:03

Tilliemolly · 29/04/2023 10:55

Schools are toxic, teachers have agendas, kids are cruel, parents are clicky, its all about control and conformity, listen to your son carefully and take on board what he says, then act accordingly, this is coming from experience

Wow. You've got issues...

aSofaNearYou · 29/04/2023 11:09

I understand why your DS would be upset, because it's announcing with a certificate and sticker to the whole school that he normally has problems but has got a bit better.

But this is what happens to kids who are less academically gifted all the time. I understand that it stings more when you are used to being considered bright and being complimented on it a lot (I was the same) but honestly recognising what kids need to improve on is surely what education is for.

ReadersD1gest · 29/04/2023 11:13

aSofaNearYou · 29/04/2023 11:09

I understand why your DS would be upset, because it's announcing with a certificate and sticker to the whole school that he normally has problems but has got a bit better.

But this is what happens to kids who are less academically gifted all the time. I understand that it stings more when you are used to being considered bright and being complimented on it a lot (I was the same) but honestly recognising what kids need to improve on is surely what education is for.

Well, exactly.
A motivational award is always given for some sort of improvement, surely? They are no awards for being the prettiest, or the most interesting child in the class Confused.
Nor should there be.

Saschka · 29/04/2023 11:20

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:36

o yeah, he recently got a masters degree, and one neighbour congratulated him and said it wasn't what youd expect from someone who only ever got star of the week for improved behaviour. and others have referredto it over the years

but you beleive what you like, your problem, not mine

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Sounds like they remember it because you still go on about it a lot? And they are ribbing you.

A neighbour would not even have seen the school newsletter, let alone read it in enough depth to notice that a child unrelated to them had star of the week, and then remember it twenty years later.

wyntersuhn · 29/04/2023 11:27

The school set a behaviour goal for your son, he met it and was rewarded for it. What's the problem? Are you sure he felt 'embarrassed' or was he 'overwhelmed' by standing up in front of the whole school to accept the award? Honestly, I think you talk to him about how he's been more focussed and that is a positive step towards achieving good results at school. I doubt any of the kids will remember what he got the award for.

Stephhh87 · 29/04/2023 11:29

His brightness, struggling to focus, and sensitivity to the situation (where most would be ok) actually reminds me a lot of a dear friends son (also 8) who was recently diagnosed with ADD (I can’t remember if that was exact term but basically they said like ADHD but not the hyperactivity part. He just struggles to focus and it was holding him back with reading and writing. The teachers however were really impressed at the same time with his knowledge and understanding, even if things they don’t even teach him.

he is very self conscious and sensitive about what others think. but very bright and very thoughtful and with a diagnosis in place he gets the support he needs.
hope your boy can see it as a positive and be less worried about it l. Good luck

willWillSmithsmith · 29/04/2023 11:30

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 10:32

they do remember it, it is still refered to

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Is that because you bring it up?

Willmafrockfit · 29/04/2023 11:35

i cannot see it is anything to be upset about.
they could have given him an award for being Kind