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Original poster

End of breastfeeding

52 replies

Daisyduked · 14/04/2023 19:58

I think I just need a hand hold please. I've exclusively breastfed my DC2 for 19 months and tonight is the night we have stopped. I know its a grieving process and developmentally they are ready for it. But I am wrapped with guilt as they are crying upstairs while DH puts them to sleep. It's the end of a beautiful journey but DH said it was time 6 months ago. Just some kind words would be really appreciated. I'm very grateful for the opportunity to feed them for this long that some dont get, just sad at the ending of it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Makewayforsummer · 14/04/2023 19:59

Do you want to stop or are you just stopping because DH says it’s time to stop?

grafittiartist · 14/04/2023 20:00

I cried! So sad isn't it. Doesn't last forever, but I still wasn't ready to stop.

Tinyant · 14/04/2023 20:00

DH said it was time?

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Pinkflipflop85 · 14/04/2023 20:01

Why does DH get to decide that it's time?

Did you actually want to stop?

Original poster

Daisyduked · 14/04/2023 21:35

So no obviously it wasnt my idea but it's what he wants and to keep the peace and do what's right for the majority of my family I feel its the right thing and the right time to do it. But yes I feel very very sad and would love some hand holding

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/04/2023 21:39

Hand hold Op- just remember young children always fight a routine change, you’re making a decision that’s best for your family as a whole.

tbtf · 14/04/2023 21:40

Nah I'm not going to hold your hand and say this is ok. You're in charge of your own breasts and you must be able to feed for as long as you want.

FinallyFoundIt · 14/04/2023 21:43

Tbh I think you're going to get more DH bashing than you are handholding.

I appreciate that you feel you are making the best choice for your family overall, but it sounds like your DH is being an arse. Mine was the same, and I ended up stopping so we could ttc again as my periods hadn't come back - which I did want, but he wanted me to stop much earlier and the pressure was AWFUL. I wish I'd put him in his place than been more peaceable about it.

Does yours even know the NHS / WHO advice to feed until 2? Mine didn't, and even when I told him again and again he didn't think it should apply to us. Still resent him for it.

Sausagerolex · 14/04/2023 21:44

Your DH doesn’t sound supportive at all. He sounds controlling.

I bf all mine until natural weaning. It meant they just gradually stopped so there was never a sense of a last time. I have nothing but positive memories.

Your baby doesn’t understand that your DH has unilaterally decided that their source of comfort is be taken away because it doesn’t suit other people. It Must be so upsetting for you and DC. Is there no way just to reduce down day feeds?

Tbh I’d have had serious questions about my relationship if my DH had ‘decided’ that for me.

WaltzingWaters · 14/04/2023 21:51

Hand hold for you OP. My baby is 12 months and I always thought I’d stop at that point, but I definitely don’t feel ready yet. But recently those teeth have been making it so sore. (He’s not biting but for some reason the past few weeks just hurt like crazy). I don’t know how much more I can take but I also really hate the idea of stopping. So a handhold for you, I know how hard it must feel.

also, if you’re not ready, don’t let you DH make the decision for you.

Pinkflipflop85 · 14/04/2023 21:54

DH once asked if I'd thought about stopping feeding dd.

I said I absolutely was not stopping. He said OK. End of conversation.

I can't believe you've let your DH make this decision with no regard for you or your child.

littlese · 14/04/2023 22:27

My DH is making the same noises as well about wanting me to stop BF DC2 but DC2 has just turned 3, so quite a bit older. I've just been ignoring DH and said we will sort it after we've cracked potty training!

LillyBugg · 14/04/2023 22:30

All the bashing...what happened to be kind?

I stopped feeding my 2yo at my DH request OP so I get it. Part of me feels like I still regret it. But then DS did sleep through once I stopped and now I see from the other side that my mental health was in the gutter and once I was sleeping properly (it took months) actually it was probably the right thing to do. I guess I'm sad that the choice wasn't made by me or my DS. Even if it turned out to be the right choice.

You will be okay. Have a cry. It's okay to cry.

YouveGotAFastCar · 14/04/2023 22:30

Eh. My DS is 16 months. DH asked me at around 11 months if I’d stop at around a year. He asked again a few weeks ago if I’d thought about stopping yet, and if it still had value for DS.

We’ll feed until one of us (DS or I) want to stop. Ideally him. Not until DH doesn’t. I’ll listen to his opinions but it’s not his body and his say is not equal to mine, here.

If you want to go comfort your child, please do x

Wenfy · 14/04/2023 22:37

My son is 3.5 and DH has been telling me it’s ‘time’ since he was 6 mths old. I ignored him and use my son as a guide. He should not get to decide when you stop breastfeeding

CurlewKate · 14/04/2023 22:44

@Daisyduked Why does he want you to stop?

ferntwist · 14/04/2023 22:44

You shouldn’t be coerced into stopping such a wonderful thing!

Emmamoo89 · 14/04/2023 22:44

Its your decision not your husbands!

Essie274 · 14/04/2023 22:45

OP I can't imagine how hard this is for you and your little one. I sobbed and felt guilt the last time I breastfed my eldest at 22mo even though he was gradually weaning himself (dropped down to feeding every 2/3/4 days) and I was suffering aversion due to pregnancy.

Have you just gone cold turkey tonight? Weaning really isn't something you can just 'do' overnight. That is going to be very difficult for your DC, and potentially quite dangerous for you re mastitis (and emotionally). Your DH really shouldn't have any say in how long you breastfeed for. 19 months is a fantastic achievement and if you felt ready to be done, then you'd have my full support, but I just feel incredibly sad for you both that this decision is being made by someone else. Lots of love to you, OP, I'm really sorry that this is your situation.

Emmamoo89 · 14/04/2023 22:45

Honesty if my partner came to me and asked me to stop breastfeeding he'd get told to f off.

Emmamoo89 · 14/04/2023 22:46

Honestly*

MoonSea · 14/04/2023 22:50

I fully support you to stop breastfeeding if you want to or if your son wants to.
Not to "keep the peace".

PortiasBiscuit · 14/04/2023 22:52

Most children have two parents, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that they both get a say in how that child is fed.

Opine · 14/04/2023 22:55

Why would any man want his child to suffer like that? My DC is a bit older and we’re still going strong. They’ll wean when they’re ready just like my others.
They would be traumatised if I just refused & DH would never want that.

Im definitely holding your hand because this is nightmarish. I hope you’re ok.

PrimrosesandPears · 14/04/2023 23:00

If you want to carry on, carry on. I’m another who wouldn’t let my husband make this decision. It is for you and your DC to decide when to stop.

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