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Original poster

End of breastfeeding

52 replies

Daisyduked · 14/04/2023 19:58

I think I just need a hand hold please. I've exclusively breastfed my DC2 for 19 months and tonight is the night we have stopped. I know its a grieving process and developmentally they are ready for it. But I am wrapped with guilt as they are crying upstairs while DH puts them to sleep. It's the end of a beautiful journey but DH said it was time 6 months ago. Just some kind words would be really appreciated. I'm very grateful for the opportunity to feed them for this long that some dont get, just sad at the ending of it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Bingpt · 14/04/2023 23:09

I just stopped last week too. He was ready and understood (age 4!),still asked a couple of times since. I let him for about 5 seconds then stopped and he was happy with that.
You, are sad and the baby is sad. Then keep going. If you can set boundaries, would that help?
Only at bedtime in a particular place. Once a day. That type of frequency.

CurlewKate · 15/04/2023 09:15

@PortiasBiscuit "Most children have two parents, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that they both get a say in how that child is fed."

A say, possibly. But this isn't a say-it's a veto!

PinkFizz1 · 15/04/2023 10:13

PortiasBiscuit · 14/04/2023 22:52

Most children have two parents, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that they both get a say in how that child is fed.

Until DH can lactate he gets no say in when the child stops breastfeeding. It’s as simple as that really.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

MoonSea · 15/04/2023 10:30

PortiasBiscuit · 14/04/2023 22:52

Most children have two parents, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that they both get a say in how that child is fed.

Breastfeeding isn't just about food ... it's a relationship between two people, it's comfort, it's a way of parenting.

Ending breastfeeding is very different than a discussion about for example whether a child should eat chocolate.

MoonSea · 15/04/2023 10:32

Op what are your DH's concerns about breastfeeding? Maybe there's a way to address them (if any are reasonable ones) without stopping if you and your son want to continue?

Isthisexpected · 15/04/2023 10:33

It's absolutely disgusting that a man has ended your breastfeeding journey.

The only two people who get to decide this should be the mother and the child.

To just suddenly stop is cruel and completely against the advice of lactation consultants.

PuttingDownRoots · 15/04/2023 10:35

I found it a lot easier to stop by having DH take her to his parents for a couple of days. I wasn't there, so obviously no milk, and she settled down easily. That broke the association. She was 2 then. And finally started sleeping through not long after!

Flittingaboutagain · 15/04/2023 10:35

Kathryn Stagg will tell your husband to do one!

SpookyMom · 15/04/2023 10:48

Going through the same thing at 20 months. It dried up yesterday. Discovered this after she had a bad nightmare and tried to comfort feed her. Worst timing ever! 😭 She was already upset and then she just sobbed into my chest. We where looking to stop soon but the timing was just awful. I have no words. Just solidarity. I felt like my body was rejecting her and I felt sooo guilty.

LT2 · 15/04/2023 11:21

Is this serious? If my DH ever tries to tell me (which he wouldn't) when to stop breastfeeding my 15 month old... well I would tell him where to go. It's not up to him. He needs to respect you more and appreciate what you've done for the last 19 months.

NameChangeFor2023 · 15/04/2023 12:10

PortiasBiscuit · 14/04/2023 22:52

Most children have two parents, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that they both get a say in how that child is fed.

Just want to give you a little comfort that I know what you mean and I agree.

Not saying others are wrong, I just feel the same as you. Xx

Aerosarethebest · 15/04/2023 12:17

Your husband’s an arse. Sorry you’re being pushed into this before you or or child are ready.
You’ll both be fine. But honestly this is lore about your husband feeling uncomfortable with a breastfeeding toddler than about any made reasons why a 19 month old shouldn’t still be breastfeeding.

Aerosarethebest · 15/04/2023 12:20

You also might feel a bit depressed in the next few weeks - it’s a hormonal thing than happens when you stop feeding. All the oxytocin that was being released when you were feeding suddenly isn’t. The hormone balance improves over time and you’ll feel better - it’s a bit like the baby blues you can get just after birth.

Tusktusk · 15/04/2023 12:22

Yes fathers can have a ‘say’ but what are his reasons? In what way is the breastfeeding now ‘bad’ for the child?

19 months is good going OP but babies never naturally wean at 19 months. Both mine naturally weaned at 3 years old - which from what I understand is the usual age for natural term breastfeeding.

Having said all that, have a hand hold. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 15/04/2023 12:26

MoonSea · 15/04/2023 10:30

Breastfeeding isn't just about food ... it's a relationship between two people, it's comfort, it's a way of parenting.

Ending breastfeeding is very different than a discussion about for example whether a child should eat chocolate.

Show quote history

I was going to say exactly this.

Why are these men against breastfeeding? Genuinely curious as to the reasons they give for their orders.

Cgfd3234 · 15/04/2023 12:26

It is your choice! I breastfed my son until he was 6 (night feeds only for the last few years). I had quite a few ‘it’s time to stop now’ from dh which I ignored. I do get teased sometimes about feeding for so long by my family, ‘bitty’ and the like but it’s like water off a ducks back as I know I did what was right for my son and myself. After all, If we weren’t meant to feed for extended periods of time our breasts wouldn’t continue to make milk, would they!

pbdr · 15/04/2023 12:28

This is a very sad ending to a breastfeeding relationship. Nobody but your or your child should be dictating that you stop. If you're not ready to stop yourself then go and nurse and comfort your little one, and tell your husband to keep his beak out.

If my husband tried to tell me to stop breastfeeding my 18 month old I'd tell him to bugger off, I wouldn't go along with it and listen to my girl wailing in misery just to appease him.

Cgfd3234 · 15/04/2023 12:30

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 15/04/2023 12:26

I was going to say exactly this.

Why are these men against breastfeeding? Genuinely curious as to the reasons they give for their orders.

Show quote history

For me it was because my son would be in our bed for night feeds and dh wanted his bed back!

bakewellbride · 15/04/2023 14:39

@Tusktusk "
19 months is good going OP but babies never naturally wean at 19 months. "

I'm sorry but what do you mean by that? Babies choose to stop breastfeeding at lots of different ages. My dd absolutely adored breastfeeding and only ever had breastmilk and then completely out of the blue stopped breastfeeding age 1. It blindsided me as I wanted to go until 18 months but it was her choice entirely.

bakewellbride · 15/04/2023 14:40

Op I would agree with lots of other posters on this thread and say bf for as long as YOU want to, it's up to you and not dh.

Marylou62 · 15/04/2023 15:15

I'm usually just a lurker here but this has upset me so much..Nobody has a right to stop you feeding your baby.. nobody.
If you don't want to stop, go to her and feed her..
I know no-one who's DP/DH has made this decision..and as a nanny/housekeeper/Mum of 3 that's a lot of people..
I'm sorry you're being put in this position.

Marylou62 · 15/04/2023 15:18

Oh.. and I meant to say.. I fed my last until nearly 3 and fondly remember the last feeds..
You wont have a fond memory.. just being made to stop..x

Flittingaboutagain · 15/04/2023 15:53

SpookyMom

I'm sorry you're going through this. My milk was there one morning and gone by the evening. I have a thread about how upset we both were. I wasn't looking to stop and thankfully it came back but it was bloody awful for a while. Be kind to yourself. The hormone drop can be brutal.

Redebs · 15/04/2023 16:16

Two issues

First is that you need to be the one deciding the timing, not your husband.

Secondly is dealing with the feelings when it comes to the time to stop. It's a massive transition for you to be no longer producing nourishment directly for your baby. It's bound to be emotional. Of course it's a step towards independence and self-reliance for your baby and so it's wonderful too. It's what we as parents are working towards.

Maybe a few photos of last feeds might be nice for you to look back on? Or treat yourself to a piece of jewellery or special plant? It's a wonderful thing you gave your baby. Congratulations x

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 15/04/2023 17:10

I get that. My DP is making a lot of noises about sleep training for the same reason!

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