Struggling with two kids

[Mumzstruggling]

Having two kids was always going to be hard but I didn't think it would be this hard.

Looking after my first seemed easier as it was just her to look after and I felt more relaxed in myself.

After having my second I feel like I have days where I don't even know who I am anymore. Everyone wants a piece of me and I just want some peace.

Luckily my eldest is at nursery four days a week so I only have them both at home with me on Fridays but I am definitely starting to not like Fridays.
When one kid is done with needing me for something the other does or it's both at the same time.

My youngest is so inconsistent with naps, just my luck that the day both of them are home my 3 month old doesn't want to nap so I'm having to keep putting him back to sleep which leads to him ending up in the bouncer just so he can get some shut eye but that means I have to sit there bouncing.
In all this I feel bad for my older daughter as she doesn't get any time with her mum and when I am free from doing something with the youngest I just want a break. It's a vicious cycle.

My husband definitely helps where he can but it's not the same as I'm the one still doing this all day long, every day. It's a routine that seems so draining.

I feel like I'm not enjoying this newborn stage as much as I wanted to and as much as I did with my first one.

I'm hoping it gets better soon because I'm losing myself in this and I'm worried I won't be able to come back from it.

I had about the same age gap between my two. DS was just short of 2.5 when DD was born. It was deeply challenging, DS is autistic, DD had latching issues (it too 12 weeks to get breastfeeding established), and due to a severe cockup on the part of our solicitor, we'd only moved house 2 weeks prior to having DD, into a home with no kitchen and a boiled which needed moving.

I used to fantasise about just walking out on my life and fleeing the country on a regular basis. I was exhausted, in pain, and nothing I did was ever enough. I remember feeling such contentment once, because one child was asleep upstairs, the other was downstairs, so I shut the baby gate sat on the stairs and ate a bowl or weetabix with nobody putting their hands in it, nobody touching me, nobody waiting until I out food in my mouth to ask me a question, then repeating said question on a loop until I swallowed and answered them.

The newborn days are tough, even more so when you have another little one to juggle as well. Do you have a gym with a creche that you could put the baby into for an hour to go and sit in the sauna/go for a swim/ actually go to the gym if that's your thing while your eldest is in nursery? Do you go to any baby groups with the nice kinds of Mams where you can stick the babies to roll around a mat and gurgle at one another while you grab a quick cuppa and compare stress levels?

I absolutely promise it does get easier. My eldest turned 7 in March, and my youngest is 4. They both tidy up after themselves (mostly), they get themselves drinks and snacks, so the constant demands are much less. Every age is hard in its own way, but the older they get, the less the physical demands are so overwhelming. You just need to find your rythmn as a mam of two. You'll get there, but be kind to yourself, take help where it's offered, and carve out sanity time wherever you can, even if it's just a bowl of weetabix on the stairs.

So very many typos in that! Apologies!

I feel like I could have written this myself. I’m in the exact same situation but I also run my own business and work from home.

it’s so hard isn’t it… really draining and you feel so guilty for not enjoying it. I get so irritated by all the constant sounds too. I just want to sit by myself in silence.

my eldest (3) is very chatty - it’s like the donkey from shriek when he follows him home and just KEEPS TALKING. My youngest (10 months) is so inconsistent with naps and also very clingy. No routine is the hardest.

sending you lots of love. I really do feel for you x

I am single mum no support and I am struggling with one child living with me, you have a husband and chose to have another child. I wish I had the help with his dad but there is saying it takes a village to raise a child, just takes time to adjust to things now u have chosen to have another baby

@WJC1981 that's not a helpful comment now that she has 2, is it?

It’s not for everyone but have you tried a sling? I would have the baby in the sling to nap or hangout then go to playgrounds and do normal stuff with the toddler, so baby worked around toddler more than toddler worked around baby, if that makes sense.

The other thing I did was mentally cross off every day until the baby got older (eg ‘baby is 3 months 1 week 1 day old, just 3 weeks 5 days till 4 months or whatever) - this time in your life is hard. Stick it out, it will get easier.

How dare you invalidate someone else's feelings. It's hard being a parent, it's irrelevant how many children or if your in a couple or single. Working or sahp. It's all fucking hard!

I never stated that I think u need to read my comment again before making assumptions, you are not helping the op trying to debate on here

It's actually relevant if parents are together or not, it helps having support network not stating that you can't struggle even if u do but does make life a little bit easier as you have the support network, everyone needs support

I really struggled too. I remember a friend with the same age gap as me (18 months) said ‘ it gets better when the youngest is 3), as my youngest was then 6 months old, I saw a horrible 2,5 year abyss opening up in front of me!

But….. the days will get better gradually. You are in the worst but. It gets better little by little and each small step makes things easier. I remember when my oldest child get herself into the car seat and didn’t need lifting in. That was such a relief. It’s small things like that that improve. Just don’t have number 3!

@Happyinmyowncompany ok. I have reread your comment. It’s still just as unhelpful as it was the first time and judging by the other comments of PPs I’m not the only one to think that. Sorry that you’re going through a shit time but it doesn’t mean that OP has no right to say that going from 1 to 2 is a hard transition.

Yet again you are being unhelpful by giving your assumptions

@Moonshine160 I stated I am struggling raising a child on my own , not going through a shit time , don't quote me again and I will no longer quote you after this. Seem to still not understand my comment so are now making assumptions and twisting my words.
"doesn’t mean that OP has no right to say that going from 1 to 2 is a hard transition." I didn't even state that in my comment

How on earth is this helpful? It's not a competition who has it worse.

How on earth is your comment helpful!? Yet again another person making assumptions, do you just like do create unnecessary debates? I am sharing my experience and I haven't stated anything negative towards the OP.. Wtf is your problem?

@Happyinmyowncompany imagine sharing with your friend how low you're feeling. Imagine they reply with your first sentence. Do you not see how incredibly unhelpful that is?

But I point it out not for your benefit, but for OP who might read your comment and feel even worse than she did in the first place.

It's not for you to point out, it's for the OP to it is her post, I don't see how OP would benefit from people like you making negative assumptions on someone else's comment... Do you see how unhelpful you being? Like mentioned OP is feeling down.

@Mumzstruggling My comment wasn't intended to put you down even more, I was just stating that you have a husband who supports you(positive thinking) and it takes time to adjust as your baby is still small and you have a toddler .

It's definitely hard.

Get out of the house if you can - stay and plays are a godsend. Tire out your eldest in the morning. Young one naps in sling. Telly for short periods to give you a bit of a break.

It is seemingly endless but then you adjust and the idea of just having one child seems crazily easy to the point of being boring!

Have half an hour with your eldest a day while dh has the baby. Have five mins to yourself a day while dh has both. Do something like read a poem, listen to a song, have a nice shower etc.

You have one child. Op is home all day alone with two. I'm sure you both have challenges, this thread is specifically about op's challenges

It is very hard OP.

There's an 18 month gap between our DC and I found it incredibly difficult.

I also had a DH at home, and we had paid help for 12 weeks after youngest was born.

The mental load of going from one to two was really shocking.

Your feelings are valid.

IME it does get better. DC are now three and five and are mostly more manageable, I still have days where I find it very difficult but it's an improvement of 90% from the early days, where I felt I was drowning

I have one child living with me with additional needs with no support FYI. But this post isn't about me I was trying to share my experience with the poster just like everyone else has.