Struggling with two kids

[Mumzstruggling]

Having two kids was always going to be hard but I didn't think it would be this hard.

Looking after my first seemed easier as it was just her to look after and I felt more relaxed in myself.

After having my second I feel like I have days where I don't even know who I am anymore. Everyone wants a piece of me and I just want some peace.

Luckily my eldest is at nursery four days a week so I only have them both at home with me on Fridays but I am definitely starting to not like Fridays.
When one kid is done with needing me for something the other does or it's both at the same time.

My youngest is so inconsistent with naps, just my luck that the day both of them are home my 3 month old doesn't want to nap so I'm having to keep putting him back to sleep which leads to him ending up in the bouncer just so he can get some shut eye but that means I have to sit there bouncing.
In all this I feel bad for my older daughter as she doesn't get any time with her mum and when I am free from doing something with the youngest I just want a break. It's a vicious cycle.

My husband definitely helps where he can but it's not the same as I'm the one still doing this all day long, every day. It's a routine that seems so draining.

I feel like I'm not enjoying this newborn stage as much as I wanted to and as much as I did with my first one.

I'm hoping it gets better soon because I'm losing myself in this and I'm worried I won't be able to come back from it.

I have just been there! I completely understand, it is relentless! It DOES get easier but you're in the thick of it right now. As the baby gets older each month the pressure will ease a little. I found my 6m things started to get into more of a routine and my 9m it was second nature. DS is 11m and DD is 3y and now everything is very much normal and manageable. Naps are the hardest thing when looking after a toddler as well. I would recommend getting a sling and letting your baby nap on you. When I was trying to get the baby to sleep I would let my toddler have little treats to keep her occupied like set her up surrounded with towels so she could give her toys a bubble bath or stickers or colouring in books that only came out when baby needed to be put to sleep. It's hard and I found lowering my expectations helped. My motto for many months was "everyone's fed, nobody's dead" and if I achieved that then it was a good day. Keeping going, you are very strong to do this and it gets easier!

Can you find any drop off classes for your eldest, so she is occupied and tired out when she is back with you? Or even use nursery for an extra day? I had a slightly larger gap, and kept my eldest in nursery 5 days so there wasn't much time I had to give both of them my attention. At weekends DH would help out. I don't think I had to deal with both dcs on my own until the youngest was 18m, which made it far easier as she could walk, sign, feed herself etc. We also had activities like football and art classes nearby where my eldest was supervised by staff and I could focus on the little one. The key is looking for things that the eldest is able to do without your help.