Do you regret having children at 40

[lillie23]

I've just been reading an article this morning about how a mother regretted having her child when she was 40. The child is now 15 and she 55, and she is saying how hard it is and she really regrets having her at that age.

I had my second at 39 and at times I do think what have I done now the oldest is a bit more independent. But is it really that bad when they become teenagers and your over 50. Trying to look for some positive stories as even some of my close family are negative about having children later on and it's so annoying.

We’re in that situation, we’re younger 52 and 55 this year, not fully retire but at least wind down. Dh was 40 when we had dc2, me 37.

This isn’t a thread about regretting having dc it’s about having them after 40, so we don’t regret having them one bit.

dc1 is 17 this year, dc2 will be 15, so we are still restricted to school holidays. it would be a different ball game now if they were say 5 years older than they are now and were 23 and 20.

Would be interesting to know how old your dc are now if you don’t feel any regrets having them later. I didn’t feel it say 10 years ago when dc were younger but we feel it now.

We’re lucky to be mortgage free this year, but don’t have the freedom that comes with it.

@nineteen71 thats actually really interesting and something I hadn’t actually considered

No, not really, but I do have a Dh who is really supportive and has always be hands on. We shared the get ups and bed times. I have a job where I am on my feet all day , secondary school teacher , so I feel quite robust! I genuinely enjoy the time with him and it energises me . After maternity leave I dropped to 4 days a week . Before school age we spent the day together . Now he is at school I do house work and school work so we have the weekends .

No it’s very interesting having a teen who can explain all the current thinking of their generation!!! It’s nice to see that growing up gay/lesbian/bi in this day and age is not a concern (at least in the city where I live)for eg. and that difference is valued. We did loads of travelling in our 20s and 30s .We are in a very secure financial position which means that our lifestyle is good ,we were well into paying off our mortgage and we haven’t had to sacrifice as much as those who are trying to raise a family in their 20s and early 30s whilst dealing with horrific housing and childcare costs.The only drawback is that I might be too old to see or appreciate time with future grandkids and that friends of our generation have died from (leaving young children)or had to deal with cancer already in their 40s/50s.

No not at all. I'm 51 and my son is 10 ( I have another who is 14 ) and whilst I'm not as fit and healthy as I would have been at 25 I adore the bones of them and they have been such a blessing.

No, it’s fine. I am 56 with a 16 DD and it’s not a problem. We have a great relationship. Having said that I would not want to be 60 with say a 10 year old, far too tiring.

I was traveling and making new friends and learning through my career, I had the time of my life.

I am not very good at multitasking and having children around that would have meant something would have had to give.

I know that my children can financially depend on me and their father which would not have been a reality if I was younger and this would have made me constantly worry about their future.

My children are so much fun and I can't wait to spend more time with them. I love my new life and am grateful for everything they do.

I had both mine in my 40s and am now single parenting at nearly 60. Yes, I find it physically and financially taxing and yes, it would have been better to have had them earlier.

But that option wasn't available to me. So the question I had to deal with was 'now or never'? I made the right choice.

Absolutely don’t regret having my DCs but I do regret having them later in life (I was 37 and 40 and DH 46 and 49) simply because I really worry we might not be around to see and help them with our grandkids.

I agree. Having multiple children spread over 20 + years is different from having first child / children children at 40 +. And anyway everyone's experiences are are so individual. Depends on health, finances, life experiences/ opportunities etc. etc.

I'm 61 and had my dd at 42. I had 20 years of flexibility and 'freedom' before that so don't feel like I'm missing out now.

I am fit and healthy so it's not as if things can't change again when dd is independent and I'll have flexibility again.

That “demon daughter” piece is awful. All there to follow the daughter around the internet for the rest of her life.

I had my daughter at 38. Now I am perimenopausal and tired. I feel like I went from terrible pregnancy insomnia to the interrupted nights of the toddler and newborn years then straight into menopausal insomnia. I feel like I haven't had a decent night's sleep for a decade.

But I don't regret having her late at all (not that it was completely by choice - we had several years of fertility treatment). I got to establish my career, have fun and travel whilst young enough to enjoy it all.

I was 39 when my 9 month old DD was born. 40 now. Looking ahead, I can see a bit of a nightmare with the clash of menopause and teenage hormones, but as with anything there's ups and downs! Though I might've liked to have had my first child in my early thirties (mostly for the breathing room on deciding whether to have a second) I hadn't met her dad then, and I wasn't in the right space emotionally or financially, so it would've been hard in a different way. My twenties were a no-go completely - I was too busy enjoying myself and babies were gross, so no regrets there at all. 😂 I wish I had a crystal ball for the future but I don't, so it will be what it will be! I like the posts from other parents that talk about their kids keeping them young though. I hope that'll be the case for me and my DP down the line. We LOVE doing all the kids' stuff because we're big kids at heart. We're hoping to have as much fun with DD as we can because that'll help counteract all the bloody hard work! 😀

I had my first at 20 and my last at 40, 5 children in total. I am a far more present mum with my last child than I was with my first. It comes down to not sweating the small stuff now that I'm older. She is now 14 and I'm 54, best decision I ever made.

Obviously my mom won't say to me if she thought I was a mistake and regrets having me so this could be a lie. But she always says that having me (whe she was 41) made her feel younger and made her keep up with the current times and how boring it would have been if it was just her and dad.

I had my oldest 2 in my very early 20s and my youngest 2 in my very late 30s. I’m early 40s now and finding that the later teen years are really hard - I’d rather have 10 toddlers! Knowing that I’ll have to do it all again in 12ish years time is a big worry

We had DD when I was 40. She's 11 now and as others have said she's the light of my life - she gives me the chance to see the world again through fresh eyes; and to be silly and fun-loving. I don't regret having her at 40 for a moment - I don't think I feel more tired or worn out than I would have if we'd had her younger. If we'd started younger, we'd maybe have squeezed another child in - but I love little family of three.

Was absolutely the best to have DC when I was 39 & 40. Of course it was hard work as all parenting is. Ten years later it was tricky with the menopause & finally with elderly parents to help care for. I think it helps to keep you young physically & mentally. Would definitely do the same again.

Hi all. I have a 3yr old DS and I'm 40yrs old. I didn't have a great experience. He was born in the pandemic and I lost my dad. A lot went on and I haven't felt the urge to have another child. My DH has accepted that and said its my body etc and we haven't spoke about it since. There's not a day that passes that I don't worry that I'm making the wrong decision. I go round in circles. I have been selling some of my DS baby bits and I felt absolutely fine about it. I don't see another baby and long for that again. The last couple of days I've been thinking of having the discussion again and considering what it would be like to give my DS a sibling. He loves babies and I don't want to regret never giving him the opportunity to have a sibling. I am so worried that I will change my mind and something bad will happen to me or the baby. I am absolutely petrified of birth/health implications. Also to add, I may be going through the perimenopause stage as my periods have changed a lot over the last few months. Blood results show my hormones are mid range.
Thanks for reading.

I don't regret to have it. I do regret not being younger to be able to have more.

I’d really like to know what steps you took….

These replies are wonderful ❤️

My DM was 40 and my DF was 45. I lost my DF when I was still young and the 40-45 year difference between us was just too much. Couldn't relate at all. The age gap was far too much. Also, all extended family died before I reached my 20s. Parents were already ageing physically. Couldn't properly play with us when we were older and wanting to play ball games with them for example.
One other thing to mention is that I have 3 serious illnesses and during a recent visit to a geneticist, he revealed that the likelihood of each of my conditions was increased from between 10x more likely to over 200x more likely, when you're born to parents over 35.
My conditions have, nothing short of destroyed my life.

I do. I feel it was a selfish decision on my part (unexpected, but happy pregnancy) I didn't think through the longer term consequences for my DC. It's not fair to have children at that age, it also means old grandparents too. I regret it very much

I had two in my 20s and one at almost 40. Definitely far more tired now but also working ft whereas with the older two I wasn't working.