Nursery not listening to me

[eastofeden86]

My DD is 11 months and started nursery recently. She’s getting settled there, I like the staff and while there are more babies in the baby room than I was told there would be (20 instead of 12), I’m mostly happy with it.

The problem is around naps. The nursery said that while DD is on 2 naps at home and getting used to nursery they’ll follow our nap schedule to help her settle in. And they’re just not really! At home DD has a 45 min nap at 10am and a 1.5 hour nap around 2pm. Nursery KEEP putting her down for her second nap over an hour early saying she’s tired and getting cranky, but then she’ll only sleep 40 mins because she hasn’t had enough awake time. I’ve asked them every single day to please keep her awake longer between naps, but it’s not happening. I think she’s probably bored or overstimulated and needs a bit of quiet time rather than being packed off for a nap.

It bothers me because she’s then awake for 5 or more hours in the afternoon, gets overtired and cranky and isn’t sleeping as well at night.

Am I being a d*ck about this? Or should I keep on at them?

Most babies sleep pretty much straight after lunch so if they’re dimming the lights and doing quiet time after they eat so that all the others can sleep, she’s probably just falling asleep because the environment is conducive to it. I wouldn’t necessarily say they’re going as far as ignoring you, although I’m sure it benefits them if she sleeps when the others do. When mine were in nurseries as babies we didn’t get to be quite that specific about naps, it was more that the morning nap was ‘on request’ and they’d put them all down after lunch. You may just have to accept you can’t control it to that extent and hope she’ll adjust to a longer nap soon, which may involve dropping the morning nap.

I don’t think you can get too bothered about it to be honest. They’re there at the time and have to do what they think is best.

She will be really tired out after nursery regardless of the nap timings, it’s just a much more stimulating environment than home. I find my DS is happy but quiet at nursery, no trouble. And then it all comes out when he gets home - very hyper/ over emotional and tired.

I think kids naturally fall into a routine at nursery that can be different to the one you have at home. So even if they nap later they may not nap for the same length of time.
I was quite happy to follow nurseries lead on this but if you feel strongly about it you need to speak to the manager.

Ask to see their nap policy

Thanks for replying. I know I’m getting a bit obsessive about it (they have this app that pings when she sleeps and gets up - I need to turn it off!). Think I just miss my baby and want her home with me

15mo does roughly that at home at the weekends - first nap c10 and then an afternoon one c2. At nursery she has one nap usually around 12/1 - that's when they make the room dark so all the kids can nap together. By 2 most of them are awake and making noise again so it would be hard to put her down

My 3 all fell into different routines in nursery. It’s just not that same environment as at home.

You can't control this, you're going to just have to go with the flow. It's another bump in the road in parenting that we all deal with. Its natural to want to control everything with PFBs though so you're not being unreasonable, you just have to get used to relinquishing control over your baby when you hand them over to someone else to look after

My DS was on two naps a day when he started nursery but he just wouldn't go down for them if the other kids were still up and playing. We just let them shift him to their lunchtime nap schedule, and eventually changed his routine at home to match.

They might get a longer nap out of her in the afternoon if they skip the morning nap at nursery.

Make peace with it is my advice, my little one started at 10 months at the end of January and nursery immediately went to 1 nap (11.45-1.30/2) even though we had only just transitioned to 2 naps at home and we still do 2 naps, he is like a baby zombie coming home and bed time is 6.15/30 but I was stressing myself out over it and realistically they are going to do what suits the majority of the room, not just one baby. If they were tired they would nap is what I think!

It does get easier OP. When my DS started nursery I was always checking for updates and wondering what he was doing.

Maybe try a slightly earlier bedtime on nursery days if she’s overtired.

Just get them to do one nap with all the other babies after lunch and she'll probably sleep for a couple of hours then. Trying to maintain a two nap schedule at nursery isn't realistic.

She might be ready to drop to one nap. Nursery is a completely different environment to home and they do get more tired.

DD started nursery at 11 months and very quickly dropped to one two hour nap a day after lunch.

They do try and follow the nap schedule but realistically they will never be able to closely follow.

You need to let them find their own rhythm at nursery which is often different to home. Definitely one to let go.

When you say there are 20 babies though, how many staff?? That’s huge. We only had 6-8 in our baby room. I’m not sure I’d be thrilled with that.

I think this is something you need to let go because the whole environment and structure is different at nursery and, as a result, naps often need to change accordingly.

Yep my two started nursery age 1 and both almost immediately went to one long nap after lunch.

How many days a week is she in nursery OP? If it's more than half the week, you may find you end up fitting in with her nursery nap schedule rather than the other way round!

My DS has always had a very different nap schedule at nursery than at home to no ill effect really. They'll be trying to get all the babies to nap at roughly the same time I'm sure for many reasons so I think you just have to roll with it. As DS has got older, I've asked that they try not to let go him sleep too long (when he does nap) but other than that, it is what it is.

I’ve given up on the nap thing with our childminders. They’ve got about 10 babies (with assistants) and my DD is the youngest at 9months. She still needs 2 naps but has always been suspicious of sleep. We’d gotten her into a good routine but the day she’s at the childminder it’s a mess! Yesterday she refused her morning nap with them, so they put her down at lunch. She slept for a solid hour but then they put her down again an HOUR later. Of course she didn’t need it right then but my guess is that she’s upset/unsettled/overstimulated and she’s just a pain so that’s why. I hate the idea they’re not actually paying attention to her cues but I also accept that they have to respond to the other kids’ needs too. It’s irked me but I don’t think it’s one I can win! Plus, it doesn’t really affect how well she sleeps that night or her nap routine otherwise. If she was there more than once a week and it was screwing up my life I’d have questions 😂👀

Thanks everyone. I definitely don’t want the nursery to think of me as troublesome, so maybe I’ll just observe without commenting for a few more weeks. Then once she’s a year perhaps it’ll be time to go to 1 nap (feels early but might be easier). She’s going 4 days a week so their routine will inevitably become our routine I think.

@AlltheFs LOADS of staff. 7 or 8. And the baby room gets split into two groups to make it more manageable. Still bigger than I wanted but we’re in London so it’s what we could afford/get a place at. Childcare is like gold dust around us.

If she's there more than she's home it makes sense for you to adjust to them

It just sounds like the morning nap is no longer needed! My little one dropped his second nap and has one a day anytime between 11-12 at home for 1.5-2 hours but at the childminder (twice a week) he tends to nap a bit later but there’s more going on there! It’s not a massive issue and he sleeps really great on a night.

This is why I prefer a childminder at this sort of age. It shouldn't be about what suits the group, but about the needs of your individual baby. I accept that I'm in the minority here, but individualised childcare was/is very important to me when so young.

Would they cut her morning nap shorter? I don't know if it sounds like she's ready for one nap just yet, but perhaps a power nap in the morning may help her sleep longer at that earlier lunch time nap

Managing naps for 20 babies and lunch breaks for 7 staff is a huge logistical issue so it's just not going to be possible to meet every parent's requests.

I imagine they need the majority of babies to be asleep by 1 so the carers can actually eat!