Nursery not listening to me

[eastofeden86]

My DD is 11 months and started nursery recently. She’s getting settled there, I like the staff and while there are more babies in the baby room than I was told there would be (20 instead of 12), I’m mostly happy with it.

The problem is around naps. The nursery said that while DD is on 2 naps at home and getting used to nursery they’ll follow our nap schedule to help her settle in. And they’re just not really! At home DD has a 45 min nap at 10am and a 1.5 hour nap around 2pm. Nursery KEEP putting her down for her second nap over an hour early saying she’s tired and getting cranky, but then she’ll only sleep 40 mins because she hasn’t had enough awake time. I’ve asked them every single day to please keep her awake longer between naps, but it’s not happening. I think she’s probably bored or overstimulated and needs a bit of quiet time rather than being packed off for a nap.

It bothers me because she’s then awake for 5 or more hours in the afternoon, gets overtired and cranky and isn’t sleeping as well at night.

Am I being a d*ck about this? Or should I keep on at them?

So they don’t respect your wishes and they lied about how many babies they’ll be looking after? Less staff to baby ratio = your child has to fit into their routine rather than it being child led or child centred. I wouldn’t be happy

This.

This stressed me out to start with too OP, and our daughter started at 7 months. It does get easier. After a few months I gave up caring what she did at nursery and just let them go with what they felt was best for her on the day. They are having a different experience at nursery to a day with you so it stands to reason their sleep routine might have to be different too. It has been a lot better for us since she dropped to one nap. My advice would be to try and move your expectations as quickly as possible to a point where you are comfortable with them deciding what works best for her on the day, and just accept that the sleep situation is going to be up and down for quite some time yet. And turn the app off! No one needs that going off all day when you're trying to work!

My daughter struggled at first as they all had a lunchtime nap 12-2 but they were then struggling to fit in a morning nap as she wasn't tired by then. In the end then stopped doing the morning nap, she needed early bedtimes on nursery days but she adjusted.
She went 4 days a week and stayed on 2 naps at home, on a Saturday always had a long nap to catch up. It took a few weeks to settle into a rhythm but it was fine. She did this routine for about 2-3 months then started to refuse 2 naps at home too.

I would turn off notifications and try not to check the app too often. I had the same issue and it’s mostly because the babies have all had they’re lunch and they can’t be keeping each baby up at different awake periods when they also need to clear up, get stuff ready etc. I found it really frustrating because he would wake up super early and be knackered when he got home.
He also got moved to one nap at 12 months and I won’t lie, it’s still hell atm. He gets so overtired that most nights he is asleep by 6pm if not 5:30pm because he is a screaming mess only for him to be up 5-6am and repeat the whole process. It’s hard but I also know he will be heavily resisting the two naps at nursery because he’s so nosy and difficult to get to nap. I’ve made peace with it and accepted until he’s old enough to tolerate the one nap better, sleep is going to be a bit rough. His nursery are amazing though. I really can’t complain. I just think naps at nursery are a very different ball game to at home so try to be flexible with that.

Yeah I'd turn that off.

The babies will all be having one nap after lunch. Sounds like your baby would be moving to this soon anyway. I would just go with it I’m afraid. The only way to have an individual schedule is to have a nanny on your own home.

The only odd thing is that they were not really honest with you about it.

To be honest nurseries need to have a similar pattern for the whole room, especially if they are dimming the lights etc. you need to try to trust them

I've used both, with different pros and cons, but a childminder wouldn't necessarily be able to fit an individual nap routine either - in some ways it's harder when it's just one person. A nap at 2 is tricky if, like most childminders, you're doing a school run and 10 would only be possible on the go too if they want to take the children out.

I think the only form of childcare where it's going to be possible for everything to be centered around the routine of the child is a nanny, really.

There's really nothing you can do about that except prepare to put your little one to bed earlier when you get home.

This stage will pass quickly and they have to incorporate stuff like staff lunch breaks and whatnot over nap time. They're not going to be able to keep to every little request like that.

I think this is incorrect. I had a childminder for my eldest two children. She was wonderful for many reasons but she was even less able to have the kids on an individualised nap schedule. They were a little group who all needed to be cared for by 1 person and needed to nap together. They also had activities in the morning like playgroups which meant napping in the morning was very difficult.

We adjusted our routine to match nursery - he was there four days a week so more than he was at home, like yours. He'd nap longer at home, but otherwise we did naps and meals at the same sort of time. We officially dropped the morning nap at 13 months but it was off and on for probably a month before that. He slept 2-2.5 hours in the afternoon until he was 3!

Definitely turn the app notifications off! Ours let us ring to check how he was doing - probably annoying for them but they never minded at all, I always got a cheerful report on what he was up to (and yes I chose to believe it). I stopped calling after a few weeks.

They may have had 12 babies when you signed up but now have 20? They're not going to turn them away! So long as ratios are being stuck to it's fine.

With a childminder, even if they have school runs (mine didn't), they can try for pushchair or sling naps.

Admittedly I didn't have mine in with her when they had 2 naps, but she did have one during a period of serious illness where very tailored childcare was needed, and sometimes additional naps. A nursery would not have been able to cope.

I think you need to let it go OP. We had a nap routine before DS went to nursery and now it is completely out the window and there's not really much you can do, we just go with the flow now.

She probably is tired earlier for her second nap there as there is so much going on. Completely different environment to at home. If she's tired they can't force her to stay awake if she is miserable.

My only concern is the number of babies - how many staff do they have? Are they within ratio?

Part of the issue is that childcarers are unlikely to try to stop a child from sleeping if they are tired - a parent might want a nursery to try to keep to a particular nap schedule, but if a baby appears to be falling asleep it's unreasonable for that staff member to try to force them to stay awake. At home with your own baby, you know them best, you might be able to jolly a sleepy baby along until their actual nap time. But a nursery worker is going to look at the baby falling asleep in their lunch and say: we really need to put this baby down, we can't force them to stay awake.

It's not unheard of for parents to ask a nursery to not let a child nap too late, thinking it will help the child to sleep better that night. But if that means a child isn't getting a god nap, combined with the more simulating busy nursery environment, it's a recipe for being overtired and grouchy.

Another vote for mostly leaving it to go with the nursery flow, and just feedback if it really doesn't seem to be working.

We always try to follow the home schedule but we also have to follow the cues the babies are giving. Nursery is busy and loud and the activity can mean babies get tired at different times to at home. There are fixed routines in ways there aren't at home such as snack time, lunch times, outside times and babies learn these and the flow of the day but they can impact when they get tired too and a noisy environment (compared to home) might mean they get naps disturbed more easily.

Keep talking about your concerns and then hopefully you can learn what is going on and the staff experiences on her needs in that environment.

Hi @eastofeden86 i haven’t read the replies so sorry if I’m repeating. I’m sure they’re not putting her down early on purpose but what’s likely is that she’s getting tired because a) nursery is knackering, b) most babies sleep after lunch (more like 12:45ish) so when they do quiet time/dim the lights she comes across as tired too so they put her down.

they also might be preparing her to go on to a 1 nap schedule, which means having a longer nap at lunch so 2pm is too late. Nurseries do try and keep to the baby’s schedule but ultimately they have the whole day to think about so will want them all doing the same thing at some point.

tough one. I’m inclined to leave to. It won’t be long before she’s used to it.