Do you work full time with a baby? :(

[FlavouredWaterTastesGrim]

I have a 10 month old DD, I was on maternity leave until she was 6 months and then I went back for 1 day a week. I knew it would only be temporary working part time but I have loved it.

Finances now mean that I need to go back to work full time and I've secured a new job, with great prospects, better pay but obviously more hours and 1 day a week will be travelling.

I'm so nervous at the prospect of the big jump. I'm scared I'll miss DD so much it hurts and I feel guilty for leaving her. How will I get the housework done? How will I do all the washing? How will I make time for DD? :(

Any reassurance or tips will be welcome. Please don't judge, I know she's tiny but if I don't go back to work full time then finances are going to be really tight. I don't want her to miss out on swimming lessons and baby groups etc.

OP doesn't sound all that happy about it, though, so....not sure why you felt this was helpful.

I went back when my little one was 5.5 months old. Honestly, it was the best thing I did!

It will be fine. Childminders are amazing and they do the same activities that baby groups do; messy play, music, they often go to local toddler groups. We did swimming lessons first thing on Saturday mornings. Lower your standards a bit with the house; it won't get as dirty as you'll all be out for more time. Your husband needs to take on some cleaning not just tidying up. It's great he csn have the baby weekday afternoons. You'll get used to being away from your baby more; you'll still see them each day, all the weekend, holidays etc. You'll be a great role model for your baby as they grow up seeing you having a career, working hard and contributing financially to the family.

@linewithoutahook - it sounds more to me like the OP is battling the inevitable 'mum guilt' rather than not being happy about having to work. They are two very different things, IMO.

She will be sick constantly, probably for the first 3-6 months, so I would try and go into it expecting that rather than fighting it. Juggling work around the sickness is a nightmare but it will get better with time. If you've got the financial resource definitely get a cleaner and you could also stock the freezer with decent ready meals eg Cook or something similar. We also have two dogs in addition to our now 19 month old. The daily struggle is real but it has got easier the longer I've been back at work. We don't have a cleaner or any outside help due to financial restraints. Accept that the first 6 months are basically just trying to survive not thrive and don't expect too much of yourself at work - just get by to start with.

I went back when DD was 5 months - no issue as she had a wonderful childminder and I was not cut out to be a SAHM. I think she was better off there as she did all the playgroups etc that I didn't really want to do.

13 now and we are very close and I don't think she has been disadvantaged at all - if anything it is the other way as she is social, friendly and happy.

I work full time and have 2 children my work is flexible start/finish which helps but in terms of how it's juggled we let a lot of housework slide other then minimum hoover, sides and bleach and have a cleaner once a fortnight.
Washing is put on in the evenings or on a timer so it's ready for evening hangout if winter.

Weekday meals is either batch cook, slow cooker or ninja foodie as all of these allow me to spend time playing etc rather than in the kitchen.
We make the most of our weekends doing fun stuff. It can be difficult to get mine out of nursery they love it.

You do manage and make the most of the time you do have I never miss bath time for instance and really enjoy it.

Thank you all so much. It's actually my choice to go back to work, I love my job and I think it may leave me very vulnerable without a career and relying on my other half (he would absolutely financially support me and has done before) but me going back to work and bringing a good salary in, will give us a much better standard of living for all of us.

I'll get some freezer meals stocked up, look at cleaners and fill dates in the calendar tonight so each week I know what's coming up.

Oh and stock up on neurofen and calpol 😂

If he can pick Dd up from childminder at 2pm then why can’t he do the laundry, prepare and cook dinner etc? If neither of you work weekends then you can both use some of that time to clean the house. Also, does everyone on Mumsnet have a cleaner and ‘ironing lady’?

This is true and I missed it before.

If your DH finished at 2 then he is 'on duty' until you get back. He can do things like the food shop or washing / cleaning in that time.

I'm guessing as he finishes early he starts early, it's not unreasonable then for him to be 'off duty' when you get home.

It's also not unreasonable to leave your child with the childminder for an extra hour or two to facilitate you both getting the house done.

I agree with @GelPens1 about your DH helping out with the household chores. I don't have an ironing lady but I do have a cleaner. It's a great help to DH and I who both works full time and don't want to spend the weekend cleaning. We prefer to use the weekend for family time, taking DS to his hobby etc, because to be honest we don't do much family time during the week.

DH is useless with housework - it is what it is and I've accepted that. He does other things and all the DIY/car admin/pays for everything on both cars. He does all the gardening so it's probably equal to be fair, I should give credit where it's due.

I don't have a cleaner but I'll happily pay £15 for a bag of ironing because I detest it. It is the most boring mind numbing job ever.

Listen whatever jobs you can outsource the better x

Sounds like you have a great set up.
Bugs and illnesses are usually much less at a childminder than a nursery as it is cleaner and fewer children.
Your DD will have a great time - a couple of other children to play with, toddler groups in the morning, a nap and then home with Daddy at 2. Ideal.

Even if your DH is rubbish with housework, you should make food shopping and cooking dinner his responsibility.
The find a cleaner for a couple of hours a week/fortnight to do the bulk eg the kitchen and bathrooms. Then it's just tidying up and running the hoover round every day - very manageable.

Honestly what are you ironing?

I haven't picked up an iron in years nothing I own needs ironing and if my DH wants a shirt ironed then he can do it himself as he's a grown man!

Very unhelpful-mums need money for food and heating. It’s perfectly heathy for a 1 year old to go to child care

OP, I went back to work full time when my son was 12 months old. I was VERY lucky in that I had both sets of grandparents begging to look after him so I didn't have the problem of child care (and obviously that's a massive thing).

My husband was full time in a good job so I could have gone back part time. I chose full time with my good wage because, for us personally, we wanted to be able to do all the travelling and trips and activities we wanted with him without having to worry about affording it.

It was fine, household jobs were done when the time allowed and no one died if the stairs didn't get hoovered on the same day each week, we ate good meals and god forbid, sometimes we had ready meals!! Lower your expectations of what you can achieve at home, so long as it's warm and relatively clean & tidy then jobs a good 'un!

Your baby will be absolutely fine and so will you!

The key to this working is having an equal partner who picks up their share of household tasks and the mental load.
Your baby will be just fine honestly. You need brain capacity to be able to work properly and not have your brain being taken up by household tasks and thinking about the next size up of baby clothes you have to put in baby’s drawer. Share the load with a supportive partner and it will be just fine

I worked full-time when DS1 was six months old until he was 2. I was also pregnant with DS2 for half that time. When DS2 was six months I had to do 3 months training full time. You just suck it up and get on with it cos you have no other choice. It gets easier as you get used to it and they get older.

DIY and gardening are not everyday activities. Food shopping, meal planning, meal prepping, cooking, cleaning and laundry are everyday household tasks (the latter two probably aren’t). Your husband is home at 2pm so he needs to start doing all the food shopping, meal prep and cooking if he doesn’t want to do any cleaning. He also needs to do his own ironing!

As it stands, your husband just picks the baby up from the childminder and then chills at home all afternoon and all evening. Meanwhile, you get home in the evening and still do all the everyday household tasks. You need to tell your husband to step up. You’re basically just his mum.

I think you’ll find that your husband is actually better at cleaning then he lets on. Plus can’t learn unless he’s allowed to do it.

Thats not an equal division of Labour.

I went back full time, it will honestly be fine.

Your baby will get many of the experiences other babies have to go to a baby group for from being at the childminders. My dc loved their childminder and were very happy there.

You have weekends for things like swimming, but honestly activities like that aren't essential for babies.

Re the housework, just make sure your partner (if you have one) is doing half.

My dc are 10 and 11 now, and I am so pleased I continued with my career. It is hard, but worth it I think.

If your dp is "useless" at housework, he needs more practice. Letting him opt out is unfair for you and will also model something really unhelpful to your baby as they grow up.

Our house rules are stuff that needs a penis are dh's job, stuff that needs a vagina is mine and everything else is shared. Unless his penis stops him using a dish cloth he needs to learn and fast

😂😂