Do you work full time with a baby? :(

[FlavouredWaterTastesGrim]

I have a 10 month old DD, I was on maternity leave until she was 6 months and then I went back for 1 day a week. I knew it would only be temporary working part time but I have loved it.

Finances now mean that I need to go back to work full time and I've secured a new job, with great prospects, better pay but obviously more hours and 1 day a week will be travelling.

I'm so nervous at the prospect of the big jump. I'm scared I'll miss DD so much it hurts and I feel guilty for leaving her. How will I get the housework done? How will I do all the washing? How will I make time for DD? :(

Any reassurance or tips will be welcome. Please don't judge, I know she's tiny but if I don't go back to work full time then finances are going to be really tight. I don't want her to miss out on swimming lessons and baby groups etc.

She won't miss out on baby groups OP as she'll be doing thing in childcare and if you are worried about swimming, could you find a weekend class?

Is getting a cleaner an option too?

I don’t think 10m is tiny - they’re nearly 1!! I went back full time and it was great. My child loves nursery and playing with the other children. We got a cleaner and that’s helped loads. It’s also a bit easier for us as i have a husband so we share all chores etc (we both work full time). You can always go swimming at the weekend if that’s what you’re interested in?

I went back full time after my son was 13 months. We have a cleaner 3 hours a week. Washing is done in the evening. Spend as much time as I can with him in the evenings and weekends. We're pretty slack on housework so it doesn't take up a lot of time.

10 months isn't tiny OP - sorry to sound harsh, but the standard is 9 months maternity leave - anything more is extended maternity at a cost of annual leave or any other mechanism that allows you to stay off an additional 3 months.
It wouldn't be fair to your husband/partner to put all the financial burden on him if you can't afford to work very part-time..

Your daughter will be ABSOLUTELY fine, as will your son. You just learn to muddle along in a routine.

How tight is tight? Will dd be going to nursery? People have different ideas. I started a new job when dd1 was 11 months but refused full time. Personally I preferred to live more frugally and be at home more with the dc. I also have anxiety and wanted to reduce the constant merry go round of illness you get from nurseries and the stress of having to be off a lot with a new employer. It’s a personal decision though and no rights or wrongs.

You'll both be fine :) My son started full time childcare at nine months when my husband and I went back to work (we did shared parental leave before that). Son has a blast with his childminder and little friends and my husband and I feel fulfilled in our roles at work. I feel like it makes me enjoy the time I do spend with my son more.

We tend to spread the housework across the weekend (Saturday downstairs Sunday upstairs). Washing is done on weekday evenings.

DSs started full time with our CM at that age. She still has them for wrap around a decade later. More adults who love your DC is a good thing in my view.

10 months isn't tiny at all. Do you have a partner/husband? If so then be sure that he does his fair share so all the washing etc isn't left for you to manage.

My son is 4 months and I went back full time when he was 3 months. I love our new routine and find that the time we do spend together now is even more special, it truly is quality over quantity.

Don't feel guilty. Working will be so good for both you and her.

How will I get the housework done? How will I do all the washing?

Are you a single parent? If not then this should be shared.

Many of us have done it/are doing it OP.
It's just part of the sacrifice. Is it going to be easy? No
Make the best of the time you do spend with her. If you can afford to outsource any kind of help at all, then I would suggest you do. Hiring a cleaner was one of the best thing I ever did.

Yes, I have done with both of mine because I didn’t have the foresight to marry a high earner 😂

It was hard to begin with but I’m so happy that’s how it had to be now they are older. (4&8). My DH is a truly equal parent on all levels. He’s also an equal in terms of housework, cooking, ‘life admin 🤮’ etc… We are a total anomaly in my friendship group who are mainly all married to men who are incompetent around the kids and house and who’s salaries are so integral to family life for them to possibly share the load. This makes it difficult for the women to return to work at all.

I have also been able to progress in my career, and DH in his while still spending loads of time with our DC and being able to afford holidays, clubs etc…

I have 2 tips.

Ignore the women who think it’s their life’s mission to return Britain to the 1950s because ‘you’ll never get this time back’. So many women are financially vulnerable and struggling to return to the workplace because of this narrative.

Tell your husband in no uncertain terms that you will share EVERYTHING. And get him and you applying for flexible working ASAP.

Good luck :-)

I went back when my baby was 6 weeks - it was completely do-able though the expressing of milk was a bit tricky but once I got into the swing was fine. If you can afford it, a cleaner is very much worth it as it means that housework is minimised. If not, just shove on some washing before work, do stuff at the weekend but maybe don't hold yourself to the highest standards.

I went back when DS was 8/9 months old.
At the time I was in a job where I’d have to leave before he woke up, sometimes in after he was in bed depending on the shift and sometimes didn’t see him for a couple of days.
It was absolutely awful but if you’re just going to a standard, working in the day job, you’ll be fine, as bad as you might feel now!
Nursery will do lots with them to develop their skills and they’ll enjoy the social aspects.
Make the most of evenings to do your cleaning - we set up a schedule so over the course of the week we’d do a couple of jobs per night so it didn’t eat too much into ‘our’ time but kept things ticking over.

We could get all the washing done over a few days across the weekend (I miss those days now we have our second baby!)
Make your time really special so plan walks or outings for the weekend. You’ll feel it more than your baby, at their age, they don’t need a lot - baby groups aren’t a necessity to develop your child if the parents and childcare are doing enough with them either.
DS was growing up in Covid lockdown times and didn’t have any of that. He’s a very happy and sociable little man.

Be kind to yourself. It’s a big change but you can do it!

I started back at 6 months part time for a few weeks and was full time when she turned 7 months. Loads of people do it, if you need to you need to and you just have to get on with it. It's hard work but it's totally do-able. Get as organised as possible and don't over commit to things outside of work. I do chores while she naps/in the evening and always try to be one meal ahead (ie prep lunch before she gets up, prep tea during lunchtime nap). Weekday meals are quick and easy things eg beans on toast, pasta with veg, sausages potatoes and veg. I also make time for myself ie to go for a run, and do a yoga class once a week - this stuff keeps me sane! The first 6 months were really hard but it has got easier.

Agree what are your circumstances OP? Do you have family or support?

Do you have a partner? If so do they work full time out of the house? If they're at home they can do half the housework.

Put a wash on in the evening when you get home and hang it out before bed. It'll be dry by the time you get home the next day (assuming you don't have a tumble drier a heated airer will help).

My son started nursery at 11 months and loved it from the start.

Many have done this full time. It's actually easier then primary age. DC swims on sundays and have done clubs on saturdays. I have found that most clubs have saturday options so it's easier to find a sunday swim school and fit other things around that. For other clubs I mean ballet, gymnastics, football, stagecoach etc. As PP said, she won't miss out on baby groups because a nursery is basically full time baby groups.

The most difficult time with clubs is actually early primary. For example, Rainbows group meet very early but you will have 4 days at home so you can work around that. Once they are older, the clubs meet much later. This is assuming you can find after school clubs. Some school have good after school activities so they can do a sport and then after school club

Thank you so much for the reassurance. I'm quite an anxious person if I'm not super organised and running behind/chasing my tail makes me anxious and easily stressed.

DD will be with a childminder (who is actually also a close family friend) and DH will pick her up at 2pm. I will be home at 5.30ish, apart from one night, which may be slightly later at 6.30.

I have an ironing lady to collect/drop off ironing, I had a look at cleaners but got disrupted actually looking. DH does help around the house but he doesn't actually "clean" he just tidies and he is out the house from 5am.

I think I've worked up in my head worrying about home life, I'm a first time mum and it's been a huge shock to the system! I am actually nervous about the bugs they catch at childcare! I hope she doesn't get too many in the first few months of starting a new role!

How will I get the housework done? How will I do all the washing?

You and your DH share these tasks between you

I went back to work full time when my oldest was 13 months.

The main thing is your DH has to pull his weight. Split drop offs and pick ups. This meant we both had 2 days a week we could stay late if required.

You split sick days. No one's job is more important and you make sure to take it in turns.

Split the chores. If one of you can wfh one day a week do it. I used to do the washing that day and do the food shop between dropping DS at nursery and starting work.

Hire as much help as you can. We had a cleaner.

We both did as many chores as we could between DS' bed time and ours in order to keep weekends free.

The first 2 weeks will be manic, as you develop a new routine. Just give yourself time to adjust and try not be too hard on yourself. It'll work out! ❤️

Babies love to have their mums with them for the majority of time so if you can hold off.

Mums need and want to work to earn money and regain some independence, so OP, do what's best for you and your family.

Have you ever heard of the mantra happy mum=happy baby?

If mothers are not happy or fulfilled then they will not be the best version of themselves for their child and ultimately, the best parent they can possibly be.

Actually, in the UK we are entitled to 12 months maternity leave as standard. 9 months are paid, the remaining 3 are not, so many people do go back at 9 months, but you don't have to take annual leave to extend to 12 months, you just need a way to fund the remaining 3 unpaid months!!