Husband gets so angry with our son

[slightlybonkersmum]

Our 5 year old boy is generally a really good boy. He is very mummy clingy and always wants me to put him to bed. I went out tonight and came home thinking my husband would have put him to bed but they were still up when I got back at 830pm. When my husband went to take him to bed my son got upset demanding he wanted mummy. My husband got so angry screaming at him far to loudly and even yelled at him that if he didn't get into bed, he would feel the back of his hand.
I was angry and this has now ended up with me fighting with my husband and telling him if he ever does that again it's over.
Have I been over the top.

Vile bully. Put your son first.

No, you've not been over the top.

Your innocent little boy is only 5 and you protected him.

His dad's approach was tyrannical and actions like that screw up kids lives.

I have a 5 year old son too. He has a great relationship with his dad but is definitely a mummy's boy. 5 is still little. I don't get angry when my 7 year old favours her dad or the baby does. I roll my eyes but I recognise it's a phase.

You know your dh better than I do. He may have threatened to hit your child but he didn't actually do it. Does he think you are too soft on him and he needs to balance it out or is there more to it? Your child will cling to you if he is scared. Do you think you can address his behaviour and get him to want to work on it? If he perceives that there is nothing wrong with his behaviour, then op I would be concerned.

It’s is absolutely unacceptable when a grown up man threads a little child who is defenceless. How a society ever accepted it’s ok to shout, or slap children. Imagine he behaves towards his wife or co- worker like that. He would be immediately reported and have legal action against him. You are right to intervene, under no circumstances a father or mother or anyone can threat or raise his hand on a child.

Just looking for any advice or anyone in a similar situation.

Have been with my partner 14 years, not married, our relationship was good at the start but due to an early infideltity on my part, has been strained after although we did counselling etc, I don't feel he has ever able to fully trust me again

Despite the underlying tensions, there was enough love there for us to go on and have two amazing children.

Our eldest (daughter) was diagnosed with ASD a few years ago and we have lived under severe amount of strain and pressure since.

As a result our relationship has massively deteriorated to the point where daily life is hard without tension, fighting, disagreement, shouting and arguing.

My OH has recently been diagnosed with complex PTSD relating to his own troubled childhood, he is essentially triggered by our daughters behaviour, causing him to blow up, sometimes quite aggressively in front of the kids

A few weeks ago he smashed our toaster in the kitchen in front of the kids and I thought that was the final straw. He says I am cold and unsupportive but I just can't cope with the amount of pressure I am living under, worrying about his emotional needs, my own and our children, who will always be my number one priority.

We have agreed to separate and I can see this as the only solution for us all to have a happy life but I feel so conflicted about it, it feels like we are giving up but we don't love each other anymore and I want a better life for our kids. My daughter will be a teenager soon and I'm so conscious how much she will be affected by living in this toxic environment if we continue as we are.

Does this sound like the right reason to separate?

@Wornoutmomma79 I think you would get more responses if you started a new thread, but I wanted to say that sounds really hard and definitely the right reason to separate.