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Original poster

Husband gets so angry with our son

56 replies

slightlybonkersmum · 31/03/2023 21:26

Our 5 year old boy is generally a really good boy. He is very mummy clingy and always wants me to put him to bed. I went out tonight and came home thinking my husband would have put him to bed but they were still up when I got back at 830pm. When my husband went to take him to bed my son got upset demanding he wanted mummy. My husband got so angry screaming at him far to loudly and even yelled at him that if he didn't get into bed, he would feel the back of his hand.
I was angry and this has now ended up with me fighting with my husband and telling him if he ever does that again it's over.
Have I been over the top.

OP posts:
Xrays · 31/03/2023 23:16

You need to leave. He’s abusing your son.

Copperoliverbear · 31/03/2023 23:33

You are 100% right he's an idiot

zeddybrek · 31/03/2023 23:35

That is abuse and is traumatic for your poor son. Ask him why is he behaving so out of control with a small child. He needs help or you should leave him. But please don't subject your child to this awful behaviour. My DH went through a phase of losing his rag with our DS when he was the same age. It's a challenging age but still, no excuses. He is the grown up and capable of learning to manage a stressful situation better. I filed for divorce. DH read a lot of books, watched a lot of parenting videos etc promised to change and he surprised me. They get along so well now. But, I don't think he would have taken me seriously had I not filed for divorce.

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Copperoliverbear · 31/03/2023 23:35

If he doesn't stop doing it ask him to leave, your son doesn't need to be brought up in an environment like that x

Nat6999 · 31/03/2023 23:36

If a man did that to my child he would be the other side of the front door with the door firmly locked & a selection of bin bags.

Mycatisfatafatcat · 31/03/2023 23:39

No. You’re under the top, I would leave my husband for that. Vile fucking bully

Mycatisfatafatcat · 31/03/2023 23:41

My DH went through a phase of losing his rag with our DS when he was the same age. It's a challenging age but still, no excuses. He is the grown up and capable of learning to manage a stressful situation better. I filed for divorce. DH read a lot of books, watched a lot of parenting videos etc promised to change and he surprised me. They get along so well now. But, I don't think he would have taken me seriously had I not filed for divorce

I mean, come the fuck on, no-one should only respect (not abuse) their child because they’ve been threatened with divorce. Sounds a vile human and always will be

usernamechanged1 · 31/03/2023 23:44

The OP is in a tough spot here.

She could leave, fine. But if she did that, she’d probably also have to hand that poor kid over to her husband some nights each week where he would be alone with him.

caringcarer · 31/03/2023 23:58

It is no wonder your little boy is so clingy for you. He is probably terrified of his bully father. When your little boy goes back to school how would you feel if he told his teacher his father screams at him repeatedly while he cries and cries and he threatens him with physical abuse? Because one day your son will let it out and you could get in trouble for concealing the abuse. Think carefully, at what point will you take your child away from his abuser?

MumOf2workOptions · 01/04/2023 00:01

NiceParkingSpotRitaThanksJanet · 31/03/2023 22:21

If my partner did this he would be gone.

Exactly
Me too

Get rid

Wasywasydoodah · 01/04/2023 00:08

People can change. Sometimes they do this stuff out of frustration and not having the skills to handle it. Will he do a parenting course? Triple P is good, but there are others. While he’s working on it, you shouldn’t leave DS with him. Also, dad ought to apologise. If he’s unwilling to learn, or thinks he was right to do what he did, then you have more of a problem.

Greenshake · 01/04/2023 00:30

usernamechanged1 · 31/03/2023 23:44

The OP is in a tough spot here.

She could leave, fine. But if she did that, she’d probably also have to hand that poor kid over to her husband some nights each week where he would be alone with him.

That’s why the threats to assault the child should be properly documented.

GayforMoleman · 01/04/2023 00:57

Record him and use that recording to make this stop. Absolute fucking cunt.

Original poster
slightlybonkersmum · 01/04/2023 11:47

Thank you all for your advice. Please know my husband has never laid a finger on anyone, and I doubt he ever would. But he does get angry far too easily.
He is at work today but I have messged him telling him his behaviour last night was totally unacceptable and he needs to think about what he is going to do moving forward about it before I can make a decision about what I will do.

OP posts:
Greenshake · 01/04/2023 12:04

Keep us posted OP 💐

Tina8800 · 01/04/2023 12:15

Why you don't take turn in putting him to bed? My daughter always wants his dad before bedtime but we take turns. Of course they have preferences, but you are the parent, you decide not the child. Your husband clearly dealt with the situation very poorly, but you can't expect a child to not be upset when you get them away from such a strict rutine.
Your husband clearly not conformable to put him to bed and doesn't know how to handle the difficult situations when your boy acts out. Sorry to say this, but I don't think it's only on him.

monsteramunch · 01/04/2023 13:50

Tina8800 · 01/04/2023 12:15

Why you don't take turn in putting him to bed? My daughter always wants his dad before bedtime but we take turns. Of course they have preferences, but you are the parent, you decide not the child. Your husband clearly dealt with the situation very poorly, but you can't expect a child to not be upset when you get them away from such a strict rutine.
Your husband clearly not conformable to put him to bed and doesn't know how to handle the difficult situations when your boy acts out. Sorry to say this, but I don't think it's only on him.

Her partner shouts at their son and threatens to hit him. While the poor little thing, in OP's words, cries and cries and cries. Frightened and anxious. The last thing that child needs is to be put in that position regularly as his dad clearly doesn't care enough to parent healthily because this wasn't a one off.

Lookingfornewdirection · 01/04/2023 14:02

OP, I’ve been in your sons position my whole childhood. And I resent my mum for it big time. Reading these threads honestly make me feel bitter because it seems so clear to everyone that a mum should protect their child and make that kind of thing stop. But my mum didn’t. Glad to read you’re at least planning to take actions.

Tina8800 · 01/04/2023 14:42

@monsteramunch Of course the child is acting out if he is not used to have his dad for a nightime rutine.
He is 5 years old. I'm guessing (and hoping) OP would not live him alone with an abusing dad or be in a relationship with one.
Yes, the husband lost his sh** which isn't right but when the mum screams at the child that's considered ok but when the dad does he is an agressive person and the wife must live him?
How I understand the post that it was a one time only thing which in my opinion comes from the issue that neither the son or the dad knows how to handle bedtime rutine without the mum.

monsteramunch · 01/04/2023 14:49

Tina8800 · 01/04/2023 14:42

@monsteramunch Of course the child is acting out if he is not used to have his dad for a nightime rutine.
He is 5 years old. I'm guessing (and hoping) OP would not live him alone with an abusing dad or be in a relationship with one.
Yes, the husband lost his sh** which isn't right but when the mum screams at the child that's considered ok but when the dad does he is an agressive person and the wife must live him?
How I understand the post that it was a one time only thing which in my opinion comes from the issue that neither the son or the dad knows how to handle bedtime rutine without the mum.

Why on earth do you think I think it's acceptable for a mum to scream and shout at their child versus a dad doing so?

I've said no such thing, it's unacceptable and abusive regardless of the sex of the parent.

Trying to make this an 'anti men' thing is barking up the wrong tree.

Screaming and shouting at a child, who is continuing to cry and cry, and threatening to assault them, is completely unacceptable and abusive whether it's done by a mum or a dad.

monsteramunch · 01/04/2023 14:50

@Tina8800

How I understand the post that it was a one time only thing

OP says clearly that it isn't a one time only thing:

"No not the first time he has screamed and shouted at our son. My son just cried and cried and cried."

Tina8800 · 01/04/2023 15:43

There is a difference between some parent are shouting to a child when they angry (I know many of them) and between an abusive parent.
No, it's not right to shout to them but don't tell me you never raised your voice to your child, becouse I won't belive you.
I hate when mothers in this forum pretends they always calm, never get angry and judging who does.
If the husband is agressive and abusive all the time why the hell would you leave your child with them expecting to put them into bed? Im sorry but this doesn't make sense.

monsteramunch · 01/04/2023 16:35

@Tina8800

You seem really angry and you're accusing me of saying things I haven't said again.

Raising your voice is different to screaming and threatening to assault your child.

In my opinion, the latter (screaming at a child and threatening to assault them - as OP describes) is absolutely abusive behaviour.

You obviously don't agree and that's fine, each to their own.

I'll leave it there.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 01/04/2023 16:55

Your DH is a bully, leave now before he's traumatised for life
He's only 5 poor little lad, no wonder he's clingy

Whiskeypowers · 01/04/2023 17:07

This is very upsetting to read. Your husband is abusing your child. End of.

the ONLY choice you have is to leave. A five year old will know he has nobody if his mother sees his dad do that to him and they stay under the same roof

i hope for his sake you are strong enough to do what it takes. He only has you.