Leaving 3 year old alone

[Sillytum]

My SO left our 3 year old in the flat alone while he nipped out to shop. He had her on video call so could see her and he said it was just 5 minutes. I’m really upset and he doesn’t think there’s a problem. Am I over reacting?

Absolutely not! Never in a million years should a 3 year old be left alone that's terrifying and so, so irresponsible.

Blimey, I'm one of those people who is always on MN bleating about how little independence children are given these days....

.... and I would be absolutely horrified. the problem is that if she had got up and toddled over to the tv and then pulled it down on her, he'd have known, sure, but that doesn't actually help if he's at least 5 minutes away? And let's face it, this isn't an entirely unlikely scenario. DS and I were just reminiscing the other day about his "fell over for no reason smashing the side of his eye on the coffee table" moment. He was 4. We almost called an ambulance because he must have hit an artery or something so although it was a tiny little cut, blood was literally spurting out and I couldn't get it to stop!! If he'd been alone, how much blood would he have lost in 5 minutes?!

What was so urgent that he couldn’t take five minutes to get her ready and take her with him? Had he run out of vapes?

Was your daughter crying asking where he was going?

Did he explain he was leaving her alone in the house?

Did he sneak out without her knowing?

Did he tell her he was going out and she said ok dad?

I don't understand how it could come about?

No

No chance, what was so important from the shop? Don't tell me booze or cigarettes

The real problem here is why he couldn't be arsed to take his own child to the supermarket for (presumably) 2-3 items? A full weekly shop can be tedious with a 3 year old but baffled why anyone can't manage a short 5min errand.

Was the child sleeping?

He wanted to get glue from the local art shop! So no, not urgent. It’s 3 minute walk according to google so 6 there and back - add first floor flat, main road to cross and queueing to pay.

How did it come about - daughter didn’t want to go out so he set up the two phones and daughter was happy with it (not the point).

Bloody hell , that's a bit terrifying

I have a friend who lets the 4 years old to stay in the livingroom alone while she is walking the dog (they live in a flat and she walks the dog around the building) and watching the child on a camera. I feel like it's early but weirdly it works for them. But! They had a "test" period to see how the child acts if he thinks they not there; he's only allowed in a small area which is safe and can only watch TV without moving etc. I'm not saying it's right but both parents are ok with it. In your case you are clearly upset and seems like your partner didn't even discussed this decision. You clearly told him you are not comfortable with this and he doesn't seem to understand.
First, a 3 years old is way too young for this, especially if they are awake. Did he left her in a living room? Did he make sure it was safe? What she was doing while your husband was away?Second, such a big decision can't be made without making sure the other parent also feels like its safe to do so.
Your partner might doesn't seem it as a problem -no harm was done etc. But it doesn't make it right. He needs to respect how you feel about this!

How did it come about - daughter didn’t want to go out so he set up the two phones and daughter was happy with it (not the point).

That's neglect.

It is fine until it isn't.

If he's lucky a neighbour will report him (and you) to social services who will speak to you both, if not then something like this https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/dec/17/woman-arrested-after-four-children-die-in-london-house-fire can happen.

My 4 year old since she was 2 often doesn't want to go out so I resort to bribery and then may have to carry her to the shop.

The main issue to me here is that he was open about it and told you - I know that sounds weird, but it demonstrates to me that he doesn't think there is anything wrong with leaving a three year old in the house alone, which would give me huge concerns about his ability to look after her and keep her safe.

Please don't leave your child .

Both my husband and I think that's awful of him.

Ask him to think about all the dangerous stuff she does/you stop her doing - when you're watching her, or in the flat. Ask him what would happen if she did that dangerous thing for five minutes straight

This is neglect. Have a text conversation with him stating how dangerous it it and that you will report him if he ever does it again. This way you have written evidence of his neglect and clear direction that it’s not acceptable

No no no. Just awful parenting.

You are absolutely not over reacting! This is unacceptable

This, honestly op I'm not trying to be rude but does he have some sort of learning disability or delay because it just isn't normal to think this is ok.