Leaving 3 year old alone

[Sillytum]

My SO left our 3 year old in the flat alone while he nipped out to shop. He had her on video call so could see her and he said it was just 5 minutes. I’m really upset and he doesn’t think there’s a problem. Am I over reacting?

I’m all for giving children freedom and independence at the right time (earlier than most), but 3 isn’t it.

Why on Earth didn’t he just take the child with him? 3 year olds are unpredictable and completely vulnerable. It’s just such a stupid thing to do.

Eek. That makes me feel queasy just thinking about it. I’d be livid.

He’s a dangerous idiot.

Far too young at this age to be left unsupervised.

This is so sad. Not acceptable on any level. You need to leave this man to keep this child safe.

Unsafe.
Start keeping evidence of this behaviour. You may need it in future.

For now just have him agree it was unsafe and not to do it again?

If he won't consider calling social services. That's extreme. I may just gather evidence for now but I'm very cynical and just think this won't end well.

If he went to court this one incident would not be enough to stop direct contact. Leaving would possibly increase the chance of the child being harmed.

Have the conversation about this via message so you have evidence.

Nope. I was fairly liberal with mine (especially the oldest) at that age. Fine to play in a separate room, run around the park while I sat in the middle or chased after his sister, but I've only just started leaving him alone at home now he's 10.

3 is peak troublesome age. Big enough to wander around and want to do everything on their own but too young to have any sense of danger. You really can barely take your eyes off them at that age!

SO = significant other so this is your boyfriend, or the child's father? Does he live with you?

The reasoning doesn't make sense, if the shop is that close then take the kid. If it's too far then take the kid. Maybe if I literally lived above a shop and wanted to go to the shop then I'd leave a sensible 3yo behind. But even then, why not take them?

There are plenty of horrible accidents and deaths that can happen in less than five minutes, it doesn't take a genius to think of some!

Horrifying. As others have pointed out, it's not only the risk of 3yr old getting into bother that's an issue, but if something had happened to hold him up, delay him getting back, or injure/kill him leaving the 3yr old alone at home. Completely, utterly, unthinkably unreasonable of him. I can only imagine your exasperation and turmoil trying to get this through to him. I agree with others, have your HV speak to him, and keep demonstrating how serious this is and how much it's troubled you. Like a PP said this makes me feel queasy to think about. Accidents can happen in milliseconds.

Even the title of that post terrified me. No no no and what else is he lax with.???

The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.

Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car.
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

• children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
• children under 16 should not be left alone overnight
• babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.

from gov.uk

I will leave my almost 10yr old for 10 mins. My 12yr old for an hour ish. But never together as they can’t be trusted to behave together with no one to referee. At 3 - I’d be murderous if my DH left either one of them!

This is similar to the bloke who went to the pub and watched his kid on an alexa video monitor. He was sentenced for it.
It’s neglect

He's an idiot.

You're not overreacting.

I would not leave her in his care ever... more so because he can't even understand the error of his ways after they've been explained to him.

What if he had had an accident when he was out? Fell, knocked out? Run over, heart attack etc? Who would know there was a 3 year old at home alone?? Absolute madness

OK so he REALLY doesn't get it's wrong. That's awful. And presumably she want asleep? Not that's OK but I think it's less awful in theory.

And if you leave and he wants shared custody, he won't even tell you.

This is why it's very important to get evidence of this now. Otherwise that would be it, you would have to hand her over and know this was happening btu never when. Courts don't restrict access on hearsay.

This is a strange argument. What if had been run over when he had DD with him? She’d either be run over too or witness something truly horrific.

Having said that, I would of course have take her with me.

This

The easiest way to get through this one is to pack his bags and ask him kindly to leave because he doesn't understand the risks to his child's life and safety.

Also if anything did happen you would be up for questioning and a possible safeguarding as a complicit in the action he took.

Safeguard your child and yourself.

He's an absolute dipshit.

People would witness it and help the child is the point. Otherwise the child could be alone for hours and very likely die.