Baby in own room

[Cluelessfirstimer]

What ages did people put baby in their own room? The reason I'm asking...

DS is 10 months. Still in with us. OH is pestering that he should be in his own room now. Other family members p**ing me off with comments about it too. MIL keeps saying the longer you leave it the more aware he will be and the harder it gets. I'm delaying his independence apparently and waking him up.

The reason I'm hesitatant - 4/7 nights he sleeps through 7-5/6. 2 nights he wakes maybe once. Usually scrambling to find his dummy. Quick hand in the cot to help him grab it sorts it out and off we all quickly go back to sleep. 1/7 he may have a shit night. Teething, cold etc.

It's quite selfish but am I really depriving him or doing something stupidly wrong leaving him in with us?! We don't co sleep.

I'm rambling now. What I'm looking for is just ages you put them in their own room. Did you regret doing it too soon/too late? And why

We did it from day 1. I don't think there was the recommendation back then to have them in with you for six months. Anyway we used a baby monitor and I exclusively breast fed but didn't have an issue having to get up as they were good sleepers and I had a good routine with them so it was fairly predictable.
But do whatever you feel comfortable with, but it is your husband's room too. Everyone else can mind their own.

Slightly different as we do cosleep but we did so with the cot attached to our bed. At 15 months we put DS in his own room at bedtime, we still feed to sleep and had no issues with him going into his own room.

He is now 18months and if he wakes before we go to bed then I settle him back into his bed, but if he wakes once we’ve gone to sleep then I just bring him in wit us and he stays the rest of the night in our bed. He usually ends up in our bed at some point between 1-3am.

Obviously, temperament has to be considered, but you are not harming his independence at all. In fact, many would say the opposite. My DS is an incredibly social and confident toddler and he is in our room most of the night, so don’t worry about that. There will of course be babies who have been in their own room since 6 months that are confident, and room sharing children who aren’t confident - it’s not the one determining factor.

Essentially, if putting him in his own room at this point would mean less sleep for you, then don’t do it. One thing that I have enjoyed though is having our bedroom back in the evenings, so that’s a nice positive to moving them too.

Honestly do what's best for you! Your MIL needs to keep her nose out. I know people who tell their family that baby sleeps well in their own room when they actually co sleep or share a room but they can't be bothered putting up with the nagging and 'advice' from family members!

We had to put our daughter in her own room at 4.5 months because she outgrew the moses basket and we couldn't fit anything else like a next to me or anything in our tiny bedroom so had no choice but to put her in her cot in her own room. She was totally fine but I absolutely sobbed the first night as I felt bereft. It did improve her sleep a tad but she's not a great sleeper still to this day!

Bit different because I have twins, but they shared a next to me crib until 8 weeks when they went in to their own (shared) room in separate beds.

They went in to their own room because they’d outgrown the next to me crib, were keeping each other awake wriggling/using the other one as a kick post to move, and the four of us were keeping each other awake. It’s not remotely within guidelines, but it was the best choice for us at the time - they started to sleep for way longer stretches and within a couple of weeks were sleeping through the night with one dream feed. They had their own mattress monitor.

I don’t think I was necessarily ready for it but it had to be done and the kids were fine.

4.5 months. She sleeps 7-7 sometimes needs the dummy at 5ish takes 30 seconds to walk across the landing. I hate having my kids in my room 🤣

Dd was 6 months and ds was 8 months
I wouldn't have done it before 6 months due to SIDs guidelines.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with

2.5 and about 2. But we Co slept

Mine both stayed in our room until just before they turned two. Husband would have had them in their own rooms sooner but I was the one up with them in the night.
Now they are both in their own rooms and I miss them sometimes, though also lovely to have our end back to ourselves.
Do what's right for you, you are absolutely not harming him or doing anything wrong.
It's non of your MIL's business, it's between you and your husband. As someone else said, just tell her he's in his own room to stop her annoying you.
With mine it was just the easiest and best option for us.

@Cluelessfirstimer Our family had very similar opinions to yours OP. Ignore them and do what works for your family. I moved DSs cot into his own room when he was about 1. I probably would have kept him in my room longer if it wasn’t for our own circumstances tbh...I wasn’t in any hurry for him to leave my side 😅 We knew we were moving house within a few months and didn’t have room for his cot in our new room so started getting him used to his own room before we moved so it wasn’t too much all at once 😊

At 7 weeks. It coincided with DH starting a new job which meant shift work. Plus the fact that we were cramped in one room and had s 4 bed house.
We moved DS into the room closest to ours and kept both doors open (and the cats locked in the kitchen).

6 months for both mine.
We were keeping each other awake and they both slept better

Around 7 months. We were disturbing her and she was disturbing us! Nights aren’t all perfect now, but we all sleep better overall.

12 months. And I wish now we had done it a bit sooner because she then started sleeping through better. But I struggled so much with hearing her if I was in a deep sleep that it made sense to me to have her close by so I could reach her.

Both of mine stayed in with me until they were 2. My first woke multiple times and I was damned if I was going into another room to settle him. My daughter slept through from around 18 months but I didn't have it in me to put her in her own bed. I did it just after she turned 2 and no issues at all. We moved our son when we moved house 😅

We co-slept for first couple of months, then she started sleeping in the next to me cot and around 5 months, we got her a proper cot and put her in the room next door. Around that time we started giving formula at night and she started sleeping through the night and pretty much has since and she's 18 months now. Apart from bad bouts of teething. At around 10pm we pop in another cup of milk and she feeds herself. Previously she would feed herself to sleep with a bottle of formula.

DC1 went into his own room at 6.5 months, DC2 at 7 months. This is when they outgrew their next2me cots. I don't regret it (didn't have a choice as couldn't fit their big cots in our bedroom). Both slept well in their own rooms from the start, DC2 actually slept better.

Do whatever works. I do think having their own space and peace can help sleep, and vice versa

7 months but I moved with her for a couple of months (was still breastfeeding). I moved out when it seemed like my presence was starting to disturb her at night.

DS went in at about 7 months - We were convinced by a few people that perhaps we were disturbing him, and he'd sleep better in his own room. Lies. It just meant I slept worse, as I had to walk around more to get to him.

He's 15 months now, and does two-thirds of the night in his room, and a third in ours most nights. Works fine for us all.

7 weeks here- albeit 20 yrs ago when guidelines were different! He was a big baby and outgrew his Moses basket next to me very quickly - he would wake up crying because he was scrunched up. Our house only has 3 bedrooms- he was 3 strides away and we left all doors open at night so heard him if he needed anything. He slept loads better stretched out in his big cot (was 3 before he went into a toddler bed) and reliably slept 7/7 from 10 months unless ill/teething.
We have a king size bed but none of us ever got a good sleep with 3 of us in it.

I moved DS1 at 2.5, which was fine. I was a single parent and nobody had an opinion, so I just waited until it was more annoying to have him in the bed than to not. Since he could walk and I put him straight in a single bed I did about 2 nights of going back and forth and then cried on MN about it and someone said "Why don't you get him to come to you?" and I did and it was happily ever after.

DS2 was 1, at DH's request after he went on and on and on about it from about 6 months onwards, and then I spent a bloody year and a half going back and forth to the room until I got strict with myself and stopped bringing him back in, then he slept through (after about 3 months of this)

DS3 I waited until 16 months but this time I didn't do the back and forth forever, I just did the no bringing him back through straight away, 3 months later he is doing much better at staying in his own room and has done one night with only a single wake up which is probably the best any of them have ever slept at this age.

Yes I know this is the wimpiest sleep training ever, it works for me though.

I maintain that it makes absolutely zero difference "having the bedroom back", it does seem to be really important to DH though. I thought it was a sex thing but not really. He just really likes being able to put the light on and stuff. I don't understand. But I was ready to put in the work at 16m with DS3, because I was getting fed up of night feeds.

Personally my motto is now if it ain't broke, don't fix it, and don't try to fix it unless you're actually committed to fixing it. It was so much more frustrating to go back and forth for over a year and that was stupid.

I think if you move him then you need to take turns with DH going back to put the dummy back in, but honestly I'd start strewing the cot with extra dummies and see if you can coach DS to get the dummy himself by guiding his hand to it rather than giving it straight to him, in the hope that he will eventually be able to re-dummy himself in the night and not need your input.

Our DS 3years old is still in our room. I don't believe in putting him in his own room just yet, he's too little. Maybe when he's about 5ish we'll transition him to his own room, when hes ready. I don't worry about this, I shared a bedroom with my parents till around that age when I was little and I have happy memories of it.

Just FYI countries such as Sweden, Egypt, and Japan value a child-rearing model beliefs that co-sleeping is developmentally beneficial to children. Sweden is an established Western country where co-sleeping is the cultural norm. Contrary to UK and American beliefs, the Swedish believe that an infant’s autonomy and security are enhanced by co-sleeping rather than constrained by it. Co-sleeping occurs over many years in Swedish families and is perceived as a normal family activity. One study found that 72% of the families in their sample co-slept with their children (Welles‐Nystrom, 2005). The most common form of co-sleeping was the infant or child sleeping in their own bed and then coming into their parents’ bed upon their first wake. Some Swedish parents in the study expressed their beliefs about co-sleeping saying, “the child is a natural being who needs a safe environment in which to develop”, “co-sleeping is thought of as normal”, they genuinely enjoy co-sleeping, “the child is considered an individual with certain rights” these rights include the right of access to the safety and comfort of the parent’s body at any time (Welles‐Nystrom, 2005, p. 357). Swedish parents enjoy co-sleeping and are comfortable advocating for it as a good developmental practice and allowing the child to have the security, safety, and comfort of their parents throughout the night if that is what they need. Swedish parents are confident that the practice of co-sleeping will help their children be more secure and independent in the future.

I love our DS being with us, he's no bother on a night. He has his own double bed in our bedroom and we don't have to worry about checking in on him to make sure he's breathing, or when he being poorly or if he wakes up as we are right there to help him. Its also real cute the odd times we catch him talking in his sleep. Toddlers are so funny. If he does wake in the night, he'll call out for me and I get out of bed, pick him up and put him in our bed to snuggle. We usually go back to sleep pronto with little to no fuss. Instead of having him in another room crying out for us and not able to get hold of us, I would find that heartbreaking. I also love the mornings, he's wakes up so happy and will climb out of his bed and usually taps my hand to wake me. I do feel so blessed, I'm 43 so hes probably going to be our only child. Enjoy them when there little, they grow up too fast! xxx

We moved our son back in his own room around 10/11 months old. He started nursery at 6 months and caught a new illness every week so I started cosleeping. I thought being able to comfort him quickly and stick the dummy back in without having to get up was working but when he woke 13 times in one night I realised it wasn’t so we worked on getting him back in his cot in his room and now he wakes 1-2 times a night and sometimes even sleeps the whole night through. I can’t actually believe it.
so I think, if keeping him in the room with you is working, don’t worry about it. He will sleep in his own room eventually but if you’re all not getting enough sleep then I would recommend making some changes and getting him into a different room. Whatever is best for your family is the right choice.

Yeeted him into his own room the day he turned 6 months. I wanted my room back so badly!

No regrets because that was MY decision. No one told me or bullied me into it. Do what works for you and your child.

Thanks all. It's really interesting to hear different takes on this and what worked for different people.

OH mostly Says about him being in his own room because that's what "the books say" or what people have told him. Otherwise he isn't that bothered. Agree MIL needs to keep her nose out!

Its working for us - again last night he slept 7-6.50 without a peep. I did notice him wake once, look that I was in the bed then close his eyes again.

Think for now we will keep him in with us while we are all still getting restful sleep