DM and childcare- how would you sort this

[pumpkinspicedcaffeine]

So 2 dcs of nursery age, one funded and one not. Funding is used on 3 full days due to work and nursery availability (everywhere else was full / less days/ waaaay more expensive and no childminders). Unfortunately no scope to increase their days due to lack of availability now.

so I’ve taken a new job, old job I had compressed hrs, new job can’t do it, was on the fence, chatted to DM she encouraged me to take the new job and said she’d watch kids to make up childcare. I was hesitant because she’s no spring chicken and lives an hr away and it’s a lot. But she insisted and said she wants to. Fast forward 3 months and dm has only been up 4 times to watch kids, she’s cancelled last minute every other time. Spoke to her and said I’ll put the kids in 4 days, when the nursery has space (dh has condensed hrs and has them the other day) she got incredibly upset and begged me not to and that she wouldn’t cancel anymore. She came up the next week to watch them and has cancelled last minute every following week, this week will make it 3 weeks running, at the beginning of every week she promises she’ll be up and then the day before she watches them she cancels.

im now stuffed as there is no place at nursery on the day she used to watch them. I can’t condense or reduce my hours and we’re scrapping last minute all the time to find emergency childcare. But speaking to her about it she is saying she desperately wants to come up to watch them, and for me not to take it away from her. Right now I have no other alternative than to carry on as is knowing she’ll cancel 60% of the time but I literally don’t know what to do. They nursery don’t have places until September

someone help me think

I don’t think you’ll like my answer but I’m being honest to hopefully help you. ☺️

I understand this person has promised not to cancel but the pattern proves they will. If you had confirmed your place, you wouldn’t be without a nursery. I think you’ve tried to be a little too nice so you don’t hurt a family member’s feelings.

Moving forward, I suggest you consider your own needs and feelings rather than someone else. Having a family member upset because they can’t watch children is an easier problem to manage than not having any childcare.

use annual leave one day per week now and insist your mum covers at least a week in the summer holidays. Tell her you’re only in this position due to her unreliability and she owes you a week of childcare.

My mum can be a bit like this, she's extremely sensitive and what I've found is it's often damned if I do and damned if I don't.

As it happens she did some childcare for us, and she was generally reliable... until she wasn't. So I found a childminder to cover the two days she was doing and ended the arrangement at the very earliest opportunity (which meant muddling through for a few months). Now we have DD2 and MIL is making noises about doing childcare and I've told DH she can do half a day a week max because when she can't it will fall on me and I'm not doing it again, but I could cover .5 of a day if needed, but not two.

I would take the alternative childcare, keep on the waiting list for existing nursery, look into and look into supervised care type options (when a local student comes over but you're around to supervise). And never, never rely on your mum again, however much she cries and just be honest why cos she's going to take offence whatever you do, but one way has you completely screwed over at work, and one... Doesn't.

He’s been just shit on, he’s just got a little bit more wiggle room due to not being on probation. I’m not sure about unpaid carers leave for one day a week, I’ll have to ask him. Good idea!

In order to be able to work, you need reliable childcare, your DM is not in the slightest.

If you continue to wish that she would stick to her word, and give her these opportunities, she will continue to cancel last minute, then you won't have a job to go to anymore.

She doesn’t drink really, she loves being ill, loves it, when she’s got a headache it’s a migraine, a spec in her eye it’s a tumour, she’s always been like that

Jesus your mum is terrible. I’d be appalled.

Have you put the shout out with all of your friends, family, nct, playgroup friends? If you could get someone to cover a day you could offer a day in return on the day dh has off? Or offer an evening of babysitting, or for a weekend if they do a few days.

childcare.com

post of Facebook, next door, the village WhatsApp group. Basically ask anyone you’ve ever met but as long as you are offering something in return you should be able to negotiate some help.

Yeah obviously this current arrangement is not working. I just cannot find an alternative, this is the problem.

weve posted in neighbourhood groups after childcare and got nothing. No nurseries have space except for one for July which we just can’t afford because it’s not just the high fees, it’s the deposit and the month in advance too. They’ve got 4 days a week from September but it’s just this 6 months. We’re on the list but there’s been a huge increase apparently in demand and facilities are just turning away people left right and centre

@pumpkinspicedcaffeine

Uni or College. It doesn't matter if you have 2/3 to cover the hours you need, you're home anyway.

someone wanting a few extra hours on top of their part time job.