Op, there isn't a single parent here who can say they haven't shouted and regretted it.
You are not alone.
The repair you do is vital and makes a difference. It's not at all like an abuser saying they'll punch you and just say sorry after. How ridiculous. You're not placating her so she doesn't leave like someone would be in that scenario. You're suing you regret it and will take steps not to do it again, and that it's not her fault but mummy is going to work on it with all her might. Completely different.
You already know this isn't you and you want to stop, but I also would think you've tried and in the heat of the moment let yourself down (we all do). Are there triggers, such as fear of how she'll turn out or wanting to show how desperately serious her actions are, or worry that you'll be late if she doesn't cooperate.... often we can get caught by the same patterns and identifying them can help.
It's really true that if you practice doing something that goes against how you feel - something like run to the loo and literally force yourself to count to 50 or repeat a mantra to yourself to help yourself calm down and be who you want to be - then it will become an easier habit over time. We can train ourselves.
Change often comes slowly though and you might notice you only shouted once in a week and then a fortnight and then a month and then a season... until you can't remember the last time you shouted because you've got other ways now. You want to do this, that's half the battle, so you just need practice now.
Be kind to yourself. Remember that if your cup of overwhelmingly flowing over you'll spill your emotions out in shouting so find ways to look after yourself and spill the pressure out little and often so it doesn't build so high and overwhelm. You've got this 🤗