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Original poster

DD says another child urinated on her at preschool

36 replies

Pandamother · 27/03/2023 00:50

What do I about this - should I contact Ofsted? I am horrified that this could have happened to my little daughter.

DD is no longer at the setting, we pulled her out a while back as she became very unhappy after moving to the preschool room. It was clear that the setting was experiencing some issues and I was not confident she was recieving adequate care.

My daughter has suspected autism and although she is very bright, she has some communication issues around expressing when she upset/ when something has happened etc. It makes her vulnerable and that was another reason we pulled her out. So it took a while for her to open up about some of things that had made her unhappy at preschool. She has previously mentioned a mean child that pushed her.

Now she has told me that another child deliberately urinated on her at preschool. She was so upset when she talked about it that I am inclined to believe her, but also incredulous that this could really have happened when staff are supposed to be looking after her.

OP posts:
MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 27/03/2023 00:57

Staff do not police the toilets if they are being used by toilet trained children. Small children do all kinds of ridiculous things and it's entirely possible one was peeing everywhere. However, your level of outrage is quite OTT and as she's no longer there, it's pointless getting so stressed about it.

snitzelvoncrumb · 27/03/2023 00:59

This does happen in that age group. There are too many kids to supervise every corner of the room.

HeddaGarbled · 27/03/2023 01:00

You’d probably have noticed the urine on her clothes, wouldn’t you?

TwinsAndTiramisu · 27/03/2023 01:12

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 27/03/2023 00:57

Staff do not police the toilets if they are being used by toilet trained children. Small children do all kinds of ridiculous things and it's entirely possible one was peeing everywhere. However, your level of outrage is quite OTT and as she's no longer there, it's pointless getting so stressed about it.

This

Toffeebythesea · 27/03/2023 01:22

You sound extremely dramatic.

Original poster
Pandamother · 27/03/2023 01:24

She said it happened outside in the play area, where the children sit and eat their snack (so not in the toilet).

I would not have noticed it on her clothes. When she started in the preschool room, she regressed in her toilet training and started having multiple wee accidents, coming home with a bag of urine soaked clothes every day.

She said the other child urinated in her mouth. I don't it is overreacting at all to be concerned about this.

OP posts:
BlackBarbies · 27/03/2023 01:27

Oh great a wee troll

Original poster
Pandamother · 27/03/2023 01:37

I'm not a troll - I've name changed but am a long time poster. MNHQ would be able to check that I have a history of posting about my DD leaving preschool because she was unhappy/ I had concerns.

It's not the best time to post, admittedly. I was just sat here worrying about this instead of going to bed, so decided to seek reassurance.

I will go to bed now and check back tomorrow.

OP posts:
Barleysugar86 · 27/03/2023 01:37

Her mouth? No... can't imagine the logistics of this to make it possible at all, and how could she communicate this was done and deliberately if she has communication issues? I couldn't get much sense out of mine about anything in their day until they were at school.

BaseballCrazy · 27/03/2023 01:56
Hmm
JDHC · 27/03/2023 05:41
Biscuit
ScentOfAMemory · 27/03/2023 05:56

Your daughter, able to explain all of this with such eloquent detail including her gut feeling that the child who did it did it on purpose, is remarkable for someone just moved (your own words) to the preschool room and not toilet trained herself and with (your own words) communication issues.

Also interesting that at the time nothing was noticed by yourself, your child, or the staff. Because a child urinating into another child's mouth would, let's face it, take a certain amount of unusual movements from both children.

At that age, children are still working out the boundaries between lies and truth, and from a child development point of view, the boundaries can often overlap. If there is any truth to what happened then I'd vouch your child either got her own urine on herself in some way and it's upset her leading her to think it's "dirty" etc etc.

If the story is not true (and all children lie, it's part of their hardwiring at that age) I'd be concerned that such a small child was coming out with what sounds, effectively, like she was sexually abused. It was urine. It was her mouth. But urinating in your victim's mouth is a well-known act of domination and abuse.

I'd be careful of that Pandora's box before contacting anybody.

But then, I'm firmly in the "your daughter got it wrong" box myself.

sjxoxo · 27/03/2023 06:00

I agree you sound very dramatic.. If she’s no longer at the nursery I think forget it.
Im not sure what you’d expect them to do in this situation where you’re no longer present and time had lapsed etc.

garlictwist · 27/03/2023 06:32

If your child was 15 and this happened at school I'd say you have definite cause for concern. At nursery? Not so much. Kids of that age do all sorts of rubbish.

Sindonym · 27/03/2023 06:46

No-one urinated in her mouth. Clearly.

Matildapower · 27/03/2023 06:47

Perv troll

Takeitonthechin · 27/03/2023 06:49

Why on earth would you involve ofsted,seriously get a grip op!

YukoandHiro · 27/03/2023 06:51

Urinated in her mouth? There's literally no way any child has the anatomy to achieve that. And if it happened the teacher would have told you about it.

You need to look at what's really going on which is probably that your DD hates the setting and wants you to not send her hence white lies

MirandaWest · 27/03/2023 06:55

How long ago did you move her to a different pre school and how long ago did the weeing incident take place?

Drumminganimal · 27/03/2023 06:58

If this is definitely what she said, it could have happened outside of the nursery setting and this needs to be investigated.

QuillBill · 27/03/2023 07:07

Here we go...

itsgettingweird · 27/03/2023 07:11

When you wake up this morning ask yourself ......

Do I really believe a small preschooler urinated into the mouth of another in a public area with high staff ratios - and no one noticed?

There's your answer.

Original poster
Pandamother · 27/03/2023 10:11

itsgettingweird · 27/03/2023 07:11

When you wake up this morning ask yourself ......

Do I really believe a small preschooler urinated into the mouth of another in a public area with high staff ratios - and no one noticed?

There's your answer.

I do find it really incredibly hard to believe. But I am her mummy and it is my job to consider the possibility that she is telling the truth.

If you were a parent of one of the children still attending, would you want me to ignore this because my child is not there anymore?

What is playing on my mind is:

That perhaps ratios were not being adhered to or staff were not adequately supervising children.

That staff did notice and didn't tell me. I could believe this given some other things that happened shortly before I pulled her out.

Either is a safeguarding issue for Ofsted? As I mentioned in my OP, there were very clearly some issues at the preschool at the time. I haven't mentioned them all as it would be very identifying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pandamother · 27/03/2023 10:30

ScentOfAMemory · 27/03/2023 05:56

Your daughter, able to explain all of this with such eloquent detail including her gut feeling that the child who did it did it on purpose, is remarkable for someone just moved (your own words) to the preschool room and not toilet trained herself and with (your own words) communication issues.

Also interesting that at the time nothing was noticed by yourself, your child, or the staff. Because a child urinating into another child's mouth would, let's face it, take a certain amount of unusual movements from both children.

At that age, children are still working out the boundaries between lies and truth, and from a child development point of view, the boundaries can often overlap. If there is any truth to what happened then I'd vouch your child either got her own urine on herself in some way and it's upset her leading her to think it's "dirty" etc etc.

If the story is not true (and all children lie, it's part of their hardwiring at that age) I'd be concerned that such a small child was coming out with what sounds, effectively, like she was sexually abused. It was urine. It was her mouth. But urinating in your victim's mouth is a well-known act of domination and abuse.

I'd be careful of that Pandora's box before contacting anybody.

But then, I'm firmly in the "your daughter got it wrong" box myself.

This is probably the most sensible reply.

Yes, she has recently started to lie about things like having brushed her teeth etc so she is developmentally capable of lying. And yes, children do confuse reality.

I believe there was some kind of incident with another child that really upset her. Perhaps the child told her they were going to wee in her mouth and maybe even mimed doing this.

So, her communication issues are that she often does not communicate or complain about things that have happened to her - she doesn't tell us if she is ill or in pain, it doesn't occur to her to tell us. She has the language capabilities but does not use them - this is the main reason for her referral for autism assessment.

Yes, I am wary of opening a Pandora's box by taking this further.

She was potty trained when she started preschool but regressed. This in itself was a concern that something had happened at preschool. But also not uncommon with autistic children who struggle with interoception.

OP posts:
Hobnobswantshernameback · 27/03/2023 10:31

I am boggling at the logistics of this
How honestly do you think this could have actually happened?
And why has your child only now some significant time later recalled this event and told you about it in great detail?