Saving me or the baby.

[Whathefisgoingon]

I'm pregnant with our second, it’s very early days but DP and I got talking. I asked him what he would do if things turned bad during labour and only one of us could be saved. He said he would save the baby because it’s a “new life.”

I was pretty shocked. Obviously any situation like that would be tragic, but we have a 3 year old to think about and I feel the obvious choice would be to save his mum first. Am I wrong? How do you feel about this?

I appreciate it’s a very personal choice. If we didn’t have our son, I would choose to save the baby.

You can't tell people how to feel. And this is quite a nasty post.

We discussed this prior to the birth of our children as my wish was that if there was a problem they should save the baby, my husband did not agree. We didn't argue about it as the chances of this situation arising are very unlikely in the UK. Ironically both my and my son were very very unwell but it was not an either or situation. People have different views and I accept that - when it came to our subsequent children I still held the same views and my husband still held his views.

I agree. Unfortunately there is an annoying trend on MN at the moment for everyone to argue with the Op for the sake of it because they are pathetic.

I see very little kindness or empathy on MN anymore.

I think most people do realise that it wouldn't be normal to not prioritise a woman over an unborn child. Partly because you married that person. And partly because it would certainly be far worse for the family who is suddenly a single father with small child and new baby.

You clearly didn't read my post. That's exactly what I said.

The issue you stated was women could and were refused treatment when pregnant, with reference to a previous poster's comment about cancer treatment.

In terms, specifically, of cancer treatment, this was untrue. If a women presented with cancer that was aggressive and rapidly advancing, there is no question her treatment would have been prioritised over the life of her unborn baby (I have direct experience of close friend of this). As you say, the challenge was in an area of uncertainty - cancer treatment of this nature is not uncertain, if it is clear that without it the woman will die, she would have been offered it, regardless of the outcome of her unborn baby. (And equally, some cancers can be conservatively managed during pregnancy e.g. certain breast cancers. A colleague had this experience - she could receive treatment that didn't affect her baby while pregnant, and once delivered, she had the final stage of treatment, and thankfully recovered very well). This was the case prior to the 8th amendment repeal and continues to be.

The challenge, as you correctly set out, is where there is an element of doubt with regard to the outcome for the woman - this was where in certain cases treatment was withheld on a 'watch and wait' basis which had tragic outcomes for some women, Savita Halappanavar being a notable case. One of the reasons this ended up being the case was that the phrasing of the eight amendment was poor, and open to various interpretations - none of which is good for a vulnerable mother in poor health.

Most of the time "can only save one" isn't the question because no one knows if that's the ultimate outcome. It's more a case of "who would you try and save first"

So, in the car example, one is likely to save the child first as they are the most vulnerable and that would be in the hope that they can go back and save the other adult or that, by then, the other adult will have saved themselves. Unless the child is in a less precarious position and the adult happens to be most at risk. Iys all a case of circumstances and no one is "picking" anyone, they arr trying to save both.

The labour question is as others say, a choice of the medics.

I think the only twats here are all you women getting upset over someone who chooses to prioritise their child over spouse. Partners can be replaced too you know?

Normally people asking these questions are the toxic ones too, they seem to be seeking solely to sow discord in their relationship.