"He's such an easy baby!"

[Purplebluetiles]

Hey everyone,

This seems like a really first world problem even as I'm typing it but it's making me lose my mind. My partners mum is constantly telling people that our baby is good as gold, she doesn't even know he's there, we're so lucky with him etc. I don't really like the term 'easy' or 'cross' baby anyway-I feel like it kinda gives way to a narrative that people with 'easy' babies have no right to feel tired or worn out.. The thing is this is getting me down because while he will sleep and is content some of the time, he has bad colic and is quite upset and difficult to settle the rest of the time. I'm not complaining as I'm so lucky to have him and love him to bits, but it makes me feel as though maybe he is really really easy and I'm a bad mum for finding it difficult at times 😓 I do all the nights by myself as my partner has to be up so early for work, and it's making me feel as though I don't have to work hard with him even though the reality is I nearly wet myself twice today because I didn't get a chance to go to the bathroom! 😓

Unless she lives with you she is being ridiculous.. Bet she blames the good genes from her side too!

Bless you: I too had an "easy" baby - it doesn't make it any less intense! Being a mum really isn't for wimps.

It is possible she's just only seeing him at his good times - is/was he collicky mostly in the evenings and she is always seeing him when he's fresh and peaceful? She may be remembering how rough she felt at a similar stage, but only seeing his "easy" moments.

Just ignore her, people always have something to say. Even easy babies can be hard work and exhausting.
Also pop your baby somewhere safe and use the bathroom, it is ok for him to grumble for a couple of minutes while you have a wee.

Just knowingly laugh every time she says it. Then when she asks why you're laughing tell her.

I have an easy baby, I am permanently frazzled and exhausted. I'm grateful they're easy but it doesn't make me less tired - baby is now 20months.

Oh god that sounds so annoying!

My grandma always gushes about how she "didn't hear a peep!" from DS when we stay with her and tells everyone (multiple times a day) about how well he is sleeping... Meanwhile we've been up half the night with a furious baby refusing to sleep in his travel cot. I know she means well but it makes me feel so cross.

There's no such thing as an easy baby. They're all hard work (although some are harder than others).

How old is your baby?

Your partner should be doing some of the night wakings, or taking the earlier evening shift so you can get to bed early, or giving you a lie in on a day when he doesn't work.

And as long as baby is somewhere safe you can have a wee!

Yes this is extremely frustrating. I have a friend who has repeatedly made comments about how my DD was an easy baby. She is now 2.5yrs and was definitely NOT easy!!! It’s particularly frustrating because she wasn’t even around DD that much as a baby so how would she know? Similarly with your partner’s mum, how would she know? Only the primary caregivers have a full picture of how things are. And as others have said, even easy babies aren’t easy!

as an aside, please put your baby down to have a wee! It is absolutely fine for them to cry for a short while so you can take care of yourself.

Well as a mum of two including a premmie it is annoying when people whose babies and toddlers sleep in stretches of four plus hours moan about being tired to those of us who have never known longer than two from birth and/or are dealing with health conditions associated with prematurity. But that doesn't mean I would say it or go round telling people they had easy babies because it's none of my business!

I agree with @Flittingaboutagain. I had what I call an easy baby, slept through from 7 weeks, always been chilled out and easy going, sleeps and eats like a dream. He's the same as a toddler. I also had an easy birth.

But, my friend and my SIL who had babies not long after me, had difficult births and have had tough first years with very little sleep and lots of stress.

I don't think my experience, although still tiring, is comparable at all.

Ps not saying at all that your experience is like mine btw, it sounds tough and tiring and I hope you can take a loo break when you need! I just meant, some of us do have it easier and I'm OK if people think that.

My second was soooo much easier than my first for the first 6 months. Turned out he was just kidding and became a tornado instead. Still hasn't calmed down and is in school now. I always found it odd that everyone would ask if they were good. A baby can't be deliberately bad.

@Bunnyhascovidnoteggs accurate! Every cute thing he does is apparently exactly the same as what my partner did.

@DragonbornMum it's definitely all relative! I always think just because some people have it easier in certain ways doesn't mean you can't talk about it.

@TinyTeacher this is for sure part of it, if she sees him when he's cross she just says he's out of sorts 😅

@Thesearmsofmine thank you 💕 you're so right 😊

@redbigbananafeet I'm going to try that!

@Bagsundermyeyestoday I really think we need to normalise mums being able to speak about having a tough time without feeling like we can't because other people have it worse.

@FrizzledFrazzle oh my gosh this is exactly it! They see a snapshot of a way way bigger picture! So frustrating 😅

@mynameiscalypso 100% agree, the narrative is damaging for sure

@Seeline he's 3 months 😊 oof I know, he's just so exhausted but if he could take him for a while in the evening it would def help!

@Alitlebitsleepy I don't understand why people make these kind of comments when nobody knows what it's really like for someone. I've seen my niece act good as gold out and about when I know for sure she's no angel at home 🤭

@Flittingaboutagain I understand where you're coming from, that must have been so difficult but I do think it's all relative. I went through quite a few things growing up but I'd never dismiss someone's complaining about their childhood just because they had a better childhood than mine.

@Isledelaray there's definitely no denying some people have a tougher time with babies, I completely agree with you 😊but I also believe a person with an easy baby could have severe depression or anxiety, making it an extremely tough time for them also. There's so many factors to it all. Thank you, I'm def going to try and make more time for me lol

@TheIsleOfTheLost you just never really know do you! I find it odd too! They're just tiny little babies 😌

Thanks everyone for your replies 💕 it's beginning to get really difficult as she really oversteps with him for example, registering him for health insurance without asking me and pressuring me to set up his bank account etc. Don't get me wrong I would do these things regardless but she's so involved and her micromanaging of me being a mother is really getting me down.

The micromanaging isn't on, easy baby or not, baby is yours not hers!

All babies are easy to anyone who can hand them back to their parents 😅
Started crying? Won't nap? Had a poonami leakage? Hand them back. How easy!

I have an easy baby, he has slept through from 7 weeks, only cries when hungry or tired. He’s a smiley little chap. He still wore my in laws out when they looked after him one morning! They were surprised how much work he generated and they took their hats off to me. Babies are hard work, even the ‘easy’ ones!

I had an 'easy' baby according to various well meaning relatives (no colic, decent stretches of sleep etc) and was on my knees with postnatal depression for the first six months. Made me feel terrible for not being able to cope/bond with such an angel child!

Conversely my second is a terrible sleeper, but the newborn stage feels a hundred times easier.

There's no such thing as an easy baby- motherhood is the biggest challenge for a thousand reasons, not just because of your baby's temperament (plus my 'easy' newborn turned into the wildest toddler!)

I'm really sure she doesn't mean to be awful or to make you feel bad. Is she normally a supportive Mil

Yeah its not helpful when ppl compare babies anyway or for her to label him.
I have heard of babies sleeping through the night from the get go, thats exceptional, anything else (colic included) is just normal.. feeling exhausted is the norm!

If he is so ‘easy’ maybe she can come round and babysit so you can go to bed early/have a nap and leave her to it.

My little girl is mainly very smiley and chilled out and she's slept through the night since a month old but it is still very tiring and near impossible to properly relax at least until she's being looked after by my partner so then I know I can properly chill out and not worry about every little thing I.e is she too cold/hot, when did I last change her, pre-empting when to make the next bottle so she doesn't have to wait long, constantly back and forth if I leave her asleep on the floor even if shes on a flat surface on her back with plenty of space around her, needing to do housework constantly, wash & sterilise bottles, shop for more nappies and formula etc. And irrational anxiety abiut scenarios that either do not exist or may never exist. The routine never stops and it's exhausting just having the weight of the responsibility for another little life. No in truth no baby is 'easy'

I found it infuriating,
I was hugely struggling with postnatal OCD and comments like that were so incredibly unhelpful.
Why suggest someone's baby is easy? All it can possibly do is make them feel terrible that they are still feeling so exhausted, run down and struggling.

I had this with my MIL. Such gaslighting isn't it! Her perspective as a grandparent will be completely different to yours, just ignore it