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Parenting

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Original poster

ASD genetic link/ bad parenting

78 replies

Scapegoatffs · 19/03/2023 20:20

Has anyone come up against this kind of issue and if so what did you do? If you haven’t but have any advice please help !

I have more than one dc with ASD . I’m on the spectrum myself (but haven’t disclosed this to any professionals as don’t want to). We have been getting called in for multiple meetings at school and have been offered ‘early help’ which we declined as don’t feel it is needed plus we don’t need any more appts / dc and me don’t do well with people coming round etc basically it’ll cause more stress and won’t help that much.

I did a Subject access request as we’ve had so many meetings and contact. In some notes I read that my parenting is in question , it’s basically been put forward that do my dc actually have ASD (and one also has adhd) or is it in fact my parenting and / or learned behaviour.
Clearly there’s a genetic link - I’m actually angry that it’s being insinuated that my parenting is causing the dc to just appear to have ASD when actually they have been diagnosed and it’s obviously genetic but I feel as if I’m going to be blamed. It’s also not been taken well that we declined this ‘early help’. We have everything in place that needs to be so it seems pointless.

Im very annoyed that this has been put forward about me as there’s nothing wrong with my parenting but I’m not sure how to raise this now I’ve read it and how to address it b cause I want to set the record straight

OP posts:

Toomuchtoolong · 19/03/2023 23:12

I really feel for you op, I have one DS and a toddler and honestly the school mornings are a nightmare than give me great anxiety and stress - so I absolutely can understand how mornings may go for you. I’m shocked school isn’t more accommodating, clearly there’s very genuine difficulties here- do your boys have personal education plans and if so is the morning transition captured on this. I think as other suggest maybe sharing your own experiences may help however regardless if your have asd or not most of not all people would find mornings like yours stressful! You are doing a great job, happy Mother’s Day!

Equalbutdifferent · 19/03/2023 23:37

Keha · 19/03/2023 22:49

OP I'm sure you are a great parent doing the best job you can. I work in social care. I would say that it is reasonably normal for professionals to be encouraged to think about other possibilities, query if there could be more than one answer, question the first answer etc. It's quite possible to have a person with autism who also has other things going on. I work with adults and see really complex situations relating to their disability but also their family situation, expectations of parents etc. I don't know what they've written obviously. If it is just queries, "could explore this", "have we considered x" then I'd try and not take it too much to heart. In your family everything may just come down to an asd diagnosis but in the next it might not. If you feel they've actually made a decision or picked a course of action based purely on something you think is incorrect, I hope you can challenge it.

How do you feel about the problem of institutionalised parent blame @Keha? See for instance Cerebra's 2021 research report?

What is currently 'normal' is not necessarily what is appropriate, proportionate, reasonable or fair. See also institutionalised racism in service delivery...

There is inherent discrimination in the assumption that encountering features of autism must also invite consideration of poor parenting as an alternative explanation...

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 30/05/2023 13:56

ilovewispas · 19/03/2023 21:25

You need to leave half an hour earlier. Wake your son from an earlier sleep cycle. He will get tired earlier and you also put him to bed earlier.

I say this with huge sympathy as mum of a son with ASD.

I possibly have it too, undiagnosed though.

It isn't reasonable for them to accept you being up to 30 mins late or late regularly as that is also unsettling for your children and the rest of the class.

Depends on the child. Getting DS up earlier never meant he went to sleep earlier, it just meant he was more tired and more prone to having a meltdown.

I'm hoping we get some help with his sleeping at some point, because atm DS goes to sleep at 1am.

He goes into school for an hour in the afternoon, 1.30-2.40, and it pretty much takes an hour and a half/two hours to get him ready to go and get him there, and only 20 minutes of that is the drive.

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