Son and 2 mates just came in looking off their head

As a Mum, I wouldn't like this either as I'd feel uncomfortable about having people in my house I didn't know. Especially in the middle of the night.

However.......

I'm trying to dial my mind back 30 years to when I crashed over at someone's house last minute (which wasn't often!). Your son sounds like a good lad - I assume he has a good relationship with you and maybe his friends came back because they were a bit too worse for wear and he was looking out for them and making sure they were ok. He probably thought 'my Mum's cool, she won't mind'. Let him sleep it off and I'm sure you'll get a full explanation later. I expect it was a one-off in the circumstances.

I'd be relieved my boy was home and safe tbh. Hope it all goes well with the chat OP.

She's a random girl to the OP. It's disrespectful to bring someone back to her house and hide them away rather than introducing them.

Deep breaths op, this sounds like a tough parenting moment. It is still your home so you are allowed to have some expectations and rules. He is also your child so you are allowed to worry about him. However, he will be viewing himself as an adult and won"t take kindly to anything he percieves as being dictated to.

Have a careful think about what it is you actually want to say to him once he's sober. Do you want to discuss the drugs? The rocking up at 6 am and walking you up? The bringing girls back. Think carefully about what rules you want in place moving forward. At 18 you are going to struggle with banning certain behaviours such as drugs but you can have conversations about drug safety. Personally I would prefer to be woken at 6 am than 2 am so I don't think the time he has come home would bother me. I'm not sure that he's bought the girl home at 6 am for sex after a night out clubbing, I imagine they just want somewhere to chill out and wait for the drugs to wear off. At least he is somewhere safe. Good luck!

I remember years ago my mum having words with my brother for bringing girls home from nights out.
I can see where you are coming from OP it's not nice on the one hand it's a relief they are home safe but I get it if my children in years to come started to do that I too wouldn't be happy and there would be words but words would be had when they were sober and we could sit down and talk about it.

I think that's the best thing wait until he's woken up she's left and have a discussion.

I am really struggling to see the issue here they are 2 consenting adults. It was 6:30 not 4:30 and even if it were....as long as it's not every night. I have a an 18yo DS for reference.

I'd be more concerned about the drugs than the girl.

Sounds like he is on coke pretty much every weekend? I'm not naive or against drugs tbh but this just seems excessive and he must be wasting alot of money too.

OP doesn't want strangers in her house, especially drugged up ones and ones her son hardly knows.

I wouldn't have this either OP. How bloody disrespectful of him to bring some random home and at the crack of dawn too!!

I suspect its pills rather than coke hes taken.

Have a word with him when he's back to normal and just tell him ONS are not allowed in your home.

Up his rent OP.

@loop2u I'd be putting a stop to his driving lessons if he's a regular drug user Op. Jesus Christ.

Fair enough.

If the drugs and disrespect continue, I would look at charging him something for sure.

Ah mumsnet, where once your child is 18 you aren't allowed to show any interest in their lives or admit that sometimes 18 year old do stupid annoying things.

I'd be irritated too OP and worried about the drugs but I'd leave it till later. I don't think I'd be that worried about him having a girl back but I'd want to ask her if her mum knew where she was, although if she's a Mumsnetter she probably doesn't give a shit. You aren't a bed and breakfast seaside landlady!

Is he going to university or is he planning on living with you for a long time? Naturally you still view him as a child but he will see himself as an adult capable of making his own choices. It’s a recipe for issues. If you’re old enough to stay out till 6am, off your tits and pulling girls you’re old enough to pay rent and have your own place.

This is time to tread carefully OP. There was a thread this week from a mother worrying about how to stay close to her son into adulthood.
Recognising that this is a normal rite of passage is a good start. Then, wait for them to sober up and have a chat about it. With him, after the girl has gone.
The dynamics change as our children move into adulthood. It's up to the adults to help them navigate it and learn that if they want to be treated like adults they need to behave as such.
I didn't contribute to the last thread but if i had, I'd have pointed out that we're raising young men, and the focus needs to be on the future, while having an eye on current safety.
I think the first time this happens, it's a huge shock, and often parents feel the need to fight fire with fire, when actually what works is to focus on safety and good relationships.

I agree with pp who said you could take it as an opportunity to discuss consent and vulnerability regarding his relationships with girls, too (I'm sure you already have, but it feels like just a thing that you need to cover, until reality strikes and they come home in these circumstances)

Suggest you yell through door/text to check if her parents know where she is.

I've been here and out the other side. Tolerated a bit of stuff i wasn't comfortable with, kept communicating and my boys knew they were loved and important to me. And also that my feelings needed to be considered. Had the odd bumpy moment but have good relationships with them now in their late 20s/30s - and with their partners too.
Best of luck @loop2u This is the stuff you don't ponder on when you're thinking about having babies!

@Hebehouse 👏👏👏

I don’t mind the time. Mine often reappear at that time. Although maybe not while they were still at school. I don’t mind drunkenness tbh. Or a girl. I would be pissed off with drugs but luckily neither of mine seem into that (I know where I am with too much alcohol). I would much prefer they were home in a state than not home in a state though.

Decide what your boundaries are & how much or a safety margin you want to give and discuss when he has slept.

But that is just not true anymore, in most areas of the country it is impossible for teens/young adults to rent, even a house share near me is £800 a month.

That's not to say that this can continue but it is a very tough few years of parenting.

Op I'd also suggest paying rent, but this does then change the whole dynamic.

Sometimes I think I live in a parallel universe.

My DS (19) wouldn't DREAM of bringing back a one night stand while he is living here. That so many posters think it's okay to do is gobsmacking. And while on drugs?!

OP I know this isn't AIBU but YANBU.

This OP

Driving over the limit on drugs is an offence and most people are surprised how long after taking them they stay in your system.

I would stop enabling this straight away and tell him that if he takes another lesson before passing a home drugs test you have no choice but to call the police and report him so they can get him off the roads.

Ahhh bless you that's equally a rite of passage. Let things settle. He'll be embarrassed and ashamed when he's sobered up. And then you can talk and move forward. It was put to me that teenagers become objectionable in order to assist their mother's to let go. What's important is what happens next! Often you build more mature relationships off the back of these awful moments. Hugs to you!