Does anyone else find maternity leave a bit of a headfuck?

[Februaryschild2023]

I just wondered about this... I'm 5 weeks pp with my second. It not PND, as had that with my first, and I feel quite content, if tired.

But I wondered if anyone else finds maternity leave a weird time- not just in terms of sleeplessness and hard work with the baby, but I really struggle with the loss of routine from my job/ the lack of normal 'touchpoints' I guess, and the normal momentum in my life. I'm happy with my baby and bonding fine but I do struggle with this unstructured time and suddenly been flung out of the loop of normal life.

It got me thinking, it is a strange thing to expect women to go from working out of the house, and all the routine and interaction that entails, to then being at home with a non speaking baby, and no routine, and then expect them to take to it completely fine. And then at the end of it, go back to work life nothings happened. It's so weird!

Does anyone else struggle with this? Everyone I've met seems to adapt really quickly to being at home and out of their usual work routine, but Im finding it disorientating...

I got myself a PlayStation 1 and just regressed back to being a teenager, slept in late, stayed up late, didn't change out of pyjamas. I think I was born to do it to be honest. Baby got in the way a bit, still couldn't complete tombraider 2

Yes, very much so. I didn't mind so much the first 2-3 months when I was still recovering physically (and mentally!) and basically just mooched around and sat on the sofa a lot, interspersed with walks. But I had to create myself a kind of weekly routine once sleep improved, otherwise I'd have gone completely loopy. I remember thinking it was like I'd gone from my old job, which I enjoyed and was good at, and had been dropped into a completely new job with no training, which I didn't particularly enjoy but couldn't leave.

I did a couple of regular baby classes with my NCT group (so a few of us would sign up for each term and go weekly), I had a regular day I went into town, a day I did batch cooking, a day I always saw my parents. It helped it feel more normal. I loved some aspects of it - days when the baby was content, the house was clean and tidy and I was happy to be at home were great. But mostly it felt like I had no idea what I was doing, no free time and an increasing responsibility for stuff that we used to share (i.e. laundry, cooking etc).

With hindsight I should probably have gone back to work earlier, but babies get more interesting (for me) at around 8 months and I begrudged going back when I'd just started to enjoy it more!

Absolute legend 😆

I think that point you’re at now is one of the hardest bits. On about week 3 I felt like I was exhausted and all I was doing was changing nappy after nappy and making bottle after bottle. There was no routine and every day just rolled into the next. I started going to a couple of classes and just messaging friends to meet up for a coffee. Even going to free things like bookbug at the library helped break the day up. I found that when you had to be up, dressed and out the house for a set time it helped make you feel like you’d done something in your day. Also by the time you come home they’re always ready for a nap and you can sit and have a well deserved cup of tea! I’d then schedule in a walk every day at the time he’d be due a sleep and I’d put a podcast on. I really enjoyed that time too and felt like it broke my day up. In the really early days I found myself counting down the hours until my husband would come back from work just so I could hand him over!

There’s lots of buggy walking clubs etc you could join too and things like food shopping on a certain day. I’d say you just have to make your own routine, as dull as it might sound! I found when my partner got home I actually had something to talk about if we’d been out and about rather than just having sat there all day

Glad I'm not the only one to feel like this... It's kind of hard to articulate.
Will try and create a bit of a routine for myself with baby classes and the like. It just feels like a massive change, even though I was prepared for it, like I've fallen off the face of the world...

I know this is an old thread but I wanted to comment so others know they aren't alone in feeling this way.

You've perfectly put into words how I'm feeling on my 2nd mat leave. On my 1st, I took 1 year off & my husband took an extended leave of around 11m. We were very fortunate, I know. I never felt lonely. I kept busy as I was studying for my master's degree & completed an internship during the unpaid part of my leave.
Now I'm on my 2nd mat leave, it's totally different. My husband could only take 2.5 weeks this time, we have a 3 year old & my recovery from the birth took longer. The novelty has worn off for family & friends the 2nd time around & whilst I've enjoyed our time as a family of 4, it would be nice to see & hear from more people. My 3 year old's nursery has probably been more excited than some of our friends and family!

Well it's definitely not what I expected it to be I'm not sure it could be much worse I have a baby that fights sleep and won't fall asleep in buggy or car I'm basically stuck in the house 24/7 as her wake windows are only one hour . I thought I'd be out for long walks and getting coffees and going shopping ... I can't remember literally can't remember the last time I actually had time to blow dry and straighten my hair . Every week I tell myself next week will Be easier ... hasn't happened yet . I was so looking forward to ML and now all I can think how easy going to work was every day !!

Yes it's like the twilight zone

I loved it! Would have loved to have been able to not go back.