Contact napping. Please help 😢

[drV]

7 week old baby. Used to sleep in her crib for the first 4 weeks of life, no issues. But since 3 weeks, she just hates her crib absolutely. Doesn't want to sleep anywhere other than my arms/ DH's chest 😭

DH is a in highly responsible job; any error in decision making will cost us everything (we both are medical doctors and can't afford to be sleepless at nights if we have to do our jobs properly). So it's just me with the baby most of the time😭

Above paragraph can explain my current situation. Desperately sleep deprived. I have tried

Swaddling
Pacifier
Putting her down while still drowsy
Giving her warm bath at around 8pm every night
Dream feed at night

Nothing is working😭 as soon as she touches the crib mattress, her eyes fly open and starts wailing😢 and the desperate cycle repeats over and over again!

Will she ever grow out of contact napping or is it only going to get worse? Please help a desperately sleepless mama.. even a word of hope is comforting at the moment🙏😭

This is so hard- just wanted to send support.

Mine is 16 weeks now and he never slept on his own at all ( would scream) so we held him in shifts until he was about 10 weeks.

She definitely will grow out if it - she’s still so little but in the meantime is there anyone who can hold her at your house during the day for a couple of hours so you can sleep?

Also- in my desperation (late night googling) we had 3 sessions of cranial osteopathy which was game changing- he was much happier but also according to the osteo his neck and back were uncomfortable that’s why he refused to sleep on his back in a crib.

xx

With DS1 he contact napped in the day and accepted the cot at night.

DS2 (currently 6mo) completely rejected the cot at night, so I’ve been co-sleeping with him and DH sleeps in the spare room. It’s the only way I get enough sleep to function. If you will consider co-sleeping, please check out the safety guidelines first.
It will get better, tiny babies just want the warmth and reassurance of their parents. 💐

I have a 15 week old who doesn’t want to nap full stop, but when he’s been awake around 1.5 hours and seems tired I put him in his moses basket, turn on the white noise machine (we have a Lumi one) and hold his arms down at his sides. He cries and thrashes for a bit which some might not be comfortable with, but he does go to sleep like this every time and it actually doesn’t take long. You could also use a patting technique, one example is rolling baby onto their side, one hand in chest and the other patting their bum firmly, still with white noise. My friend paid a sleep consultant who taught her this and it has worked wonders. Worth a try maybe?

@Cantcookhavetocook can't actually believe you do that to your baby. Awful.

Sympathies OP. However your expectations are complete unrealistic. She is 7 weeks old. Read up on fourth trimester. Do you breastfeed? If so look up safe sleep 7 and consider Co sleeping

We have a Snoo crib which swaddles baby and rocks her to sleep. My baby is like yours and will open her eyes the instant someone puts her down, apart from in the Snoo where she falls asleep quite happily, instantly. The downside is it is quite expensive and they can only stay in it for the first six months so not a permanent or ideal solution but is allowing husband and I to sleep.

PS - forgot to mention about co sleeping - tried it, baby sleeps for 30 mins max and crying ensues.

@Newmumtobetwentytwentytwo thank you for your help, I will definitely look into cranial osteopath option🙏

@QueenLagertha @wibblewobbleball thank you both, I do understand the importance of Fourth trimester.

Sorry if I sounded unrealistic - I am recovering from an emergency c section, a horrendous intraoperative and postpartum bleed, absolutely no family support (both of our families live overseas). DH looks after the baby during evening; whenever she isn't cluster feeding (she is ebf). If hoping to get a bare minimum sleep is wrong; I don't know how to survive.

I will definitely look further into how to make co sleeping more feasible. Thank you for your inputs.

Hang in there - it will get better - you’re doing great - what a lot to deal with xx

@QueenLagertha wtf? Holding his arms is no different than swaddling him and it gives him the contact he wants as well as giving him freedom to move after he is asleep, and he would cry down if I was trying to get him to sleep by rocking him, pushing him in the pram, carrying him in the sling or any other way of getting him to sleep- trust me I’ve tried. Jog on!!

Horrendous. I’m sorry! They do get better. Are you able to feed lying down and tired enough to sleep that way? My friend had a baby who would only sleep latched on for the first few weeks. My son will cosleep but only if I’m firmly cradling his bottom and he’s on his side – not recommended but safer than zero sleep. He’s improving and has done some shifts in the next to me cot recently.

You need to find any way to get some sleep now to recover and you can undo any “bad” baby sleep habits later.

I really don’t agree with the constant advice on mumsnet to co-sleep. There’s the safety aspect but also everyone losing sleep in the long run when you have to share a bed with a restless older baby/ toddler. I do think it’s possible to get babies to sleep in their own beds with a bit of perseverance. You don’t have to be scared of them having a bit of a cry, they are apparently (according to aforementioned sleep consultant) sometimes just a bit noisy when they’re settling. Obviously if the cry is escalating and they seem to be in pain or distressed then you have to intervene, but a bit of complaining about going to sleep (which is definitely what my baby does, so too my first baby) is nothing to panic about.

Is your baby hungry?

@LapinR0se i don't think so; she latches well, no tongue tie or such issues. Also having loads of wet and dirty nappies/day and gaining weight well.

She does have reflux but is being treated already. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be working and have requested a review with the GP. It's just the matter of waiting times😬 despite doing everything we can, she is fussy; sometimes more than usual. Hence posted here thinking experienced parents might be able to give different perspectives. Being first time parents is extremely disconcerting at times!

my baby was on max dose nexium for 10 months so I get the pain of the whole thing.

she also had mild CMPA so we ended up putting her on a hydrolysed formula called Althéra. she was like a different baby within 48 hrs.

try offering yours a top-up of any formula and see if she’s more settled. If she is, then there’s hunger involved.

It will get easier. I think that the first 6 weeks with a new born are incredibly tough.
In the meantime you need some sleep! I found I couldn't sleep if I could hear the baby elsewhere in the house, any cry however slight would wake me.
As you have no family help and DH at work, could you hire someone to simply take baby out in a pram for an hour or two so you can sleep? They could mind them at home if the weather is too grim.
If you contact nurseries quite often their staff will do babysitting on the side and you know baby is with someone who is trained in childcare. If you could sort this sort of arrangement a couple of times a week it might just give you enough rest not to feel quite so exhausted.

@Cantcookhavetocook This sounds like the outdated advice in the 80s when my mother was told by health visitors that it’s good to let the baby cry itself to sleep “to clear its lungs”.

It’s no coincidence that millennials are the generation mired in MH issues - we were sleep trained/left to cry en masse.

@bussteward thank you; its a bit comforting to read your words. We are still learning to make the lying down feeding work.. it's a bit difficult compared to traditional way and also scared of accidental co sleeping.. but if it is a way to save my sanity, it has to be tried!

@7Worfs my baby doesn’t ‘cry itself to sleep’, he cries when he is tired and throughout any process of getting to sleep, and I enable him to sleep (safely, in his own bed) by putting white noise on and holding his arms (gently, not like a vice) so he doesn’t flail them around and keep himself awake. I honestly think he finds it comforting to have contact with me in this way. In terms of restriction it is also no different to swaddling, which is advised pretty much everywhere you look for advice on helping young babies sleep. I think some people are actually quite blinkered and stubborn when it comes to babies crying. They cry, it’s how they communicate!

My baby was like this.

what worked was:

next2me crib - she would wriggle so she was right next to me wherever i placed her,
PLUS swaddle
PLUS white noise

only way we ever got sleep x

Back in our home country, it's a norm to co sleep. The conditions are favourable towards co sleeping as mattresses are hard/firm, too hot for a duvet. As all those are hard to come by here in the UK, I am extremely scared of co sleeping; constantly worried if the baby is slipping or sliding around in the bed. It's as good as not sleeping😂

It's just my sleepless mind trying to desperately find some solution; however small to fetch me a couple hours of decent sleep a day!

@Beamur i was not aware there are such arrangements; I will try finding anything alike around where we live! Thank you😊

You can buy different types of mattresses in the Uk, it’s not like everybody sleeps on squishy ones, many families cosleep, and have suitable mattresses!

Could you hire a sleep consultant or a night nanny?

Also, could DD be windy?

Poor you, it sounds utterly horrific. If you haven’t already, get a sling so at least you get your arms back during the day.

Yes, cosleeping in winter is tough! I’m currently sleeping in joggers and fleecy socks and a hoodie with flaps cut out for feeding, blanket tucked firmly around my waist. Next to me crib so if he rolls away he won’t fall out of bed. Unlikely he’ll go anywhere though: babies like to stay close to their warm milky mummies.

Seven weeks is still so tiny, for them and for you: you do eventually get used to the wild sniffly noises and flaily arms they do when they sleep, and they eventually stop doing them.

I found if I got one good stretch of sleep I could cope with the hourly wake-ups I had with DD, so DP would hold her in the evening and I’d go to bed at 7 or 8pm, then he’d put her down when he came to bed and the games would begin.

Sometimes with babies and children the best way to get through a stressful stage is to give them more of what they want, even if that seems impossible or counterintuitive. My DD was like this and getting a sling ( not a baby carrier) and NEVER putting her down awake during the day was a game changer. It was a stage that only lasted a few weeks but was she got older if she went through a tricky stage it was something we could go back to and became a good way for DH to settle her after a night waking when we knew she wasn't hungry. We got very adept at putting her down in the sling and then sliding it out from under her!
She's always been a very high energy person and is completely driven as an adult