Contact napping. Please help 😢

[drV]

7 week old baby. Used to sleep in her crib for the first 4 weeks of life, no issues. But since 3 weeks, she just hates her crib absolutely. Doesn't want to sleep anywhere other than my arms/ DH's chest 😭

DH is a in highly responsible job; any error in decision making will cost us everything (we both are medical doctors and can't afford to be sleepless at nights if we have to do our jobs properly). So it's just me with the baby most of the time😭

Above paragraph can explain my current situation. Desperately sleep deprived. I have tried

Swaddling
Pacifier
Putting her down while still drowsy
Giving her warm bath at around 8pm every night
Dream feed at night

Nothing is working😭 as soon as she touches the crib mattress, her eyes fly open and starts wailing😢 and the desperate cycle repeats over and over again!

Will she ever grow out of contact napping or is it only going to get worse? Please help a desperately sleepless mama.. even a word of hope is comforting at the moment🙏😭

@7Worfs

That is rubbish about millennials being left to cry more than any other generation. Quite the opposite - I am a millennial, mum was a Penelope leach devotee, hasn't stopped me having MH issues (in fact, many of my issues were not helped by my mum's inability to let go). Older generations would have been left to cry a lot more often - both my grandmothers used to leave baby at the bottom of the garden and let them cry, because they had a far greater domestic burden and bigger families. This is ridiculous and unfounded.

On Radio 4 yesterday they said, from a recent survey that 90% of parents co-sleep at some point.

With my two I co-slept with them and they were bf. Woke several times a night. During the day I had them in slings a lot for the first 2-3 months. They would not go down in a cot or Moses basket.

It saved my sanity.

My DD was exactly the same!
It just seemed like a never ending cycle - after a difficult birth I became very unwell, stopped EBF as I just couldn't physically or mentally keep up (later found out she has tongue tie too) and ended up an inpatient twice in the first 10w.
DP was incredible during this time and I honestly don't know what I'd have done without him, don't be afraid to lean on your DP, I understand you've said he was a difficult job etc, but if you need help with something; ask him!
DD is now 13w and sleeping in her cot every night, also naps in there too during the day - when you lay baby down, take off the top your wearing & place it somewhere safely in there with them - it'll smell like you. This helped me very much.
Talk to your baby when they're awake, and try softly/quietly telling baby 'it's okay' etc when they're struggling to settle in the cot (use a much more relaxed tone than you would usually) not much else worked for me, swaddling, bathing in the evening, dream feeding etc.
It genuinely does get easier! When people told me that in the beginning I wanted to scream because I'd heard it sooooo many times; but it's true. And if truth be told, I miss the contact napping now, the closeness and warmth with my baby.
Hang in there, you got this.

Absolutely this!

My other top tip! Minimise everything else you do. Simplify cooking, get a cleaner if you don't have one (and can afford it) basically cut down your chores to the bone for now.
If the baby is asleep. You sleep, or at least rest - lie down in a dark room, get a cosy blanket. Do not spend that time cleaning or tidying. It can wait for DH to come home. In a few weeks time you will have more routine and confidence and will be a bit more healed. Don't underestimate how much your body has been through. Rest as much as you can.
If you don't want to co sleep at night. Co sleeping for nap time is quite nice. Comforting for baby and less faff in terms of covers etc as you can just have warm clothes on and a light blanket if needed.

No. Older generations co-slept out of necessity and families were much bigger, there was always someone around to mind the babies, including older siblings.

Your personal experience is not the universal experience on a population level.

I am gen x and in the 60s babies were put in the garden to sleep and only fed every 4 hours (2 hours for first few weeks). Also, weaned at 6 weeks.

My mum's favourite saying was "don't make a rod for your own back".

My mum, although I know she loves me, is cold. I have grown up finding intimacy hard as my core belief is that no-one is there for me.

Therefore I carried my babies around and co-slept. Both, now adults, have had their issues as teens but are now happy and healthy with secure attachment styles.

@crossstitchingnana there is a huge spectrum here and a person who allows a bit of grizzling while their baby tries to get to sleep is not necessarily going to be a ‘cold’ parent. I am certainly not cold and have an amazing relationship with my 3yo who always wants me yet is confident and sociable, with the speech and language skills of a 4-5 year old (according to her nursery). There are lots of other factors involved too, it’s just silly to put everything negative down to being allowed to cry at sleep times. My kids are not abandoned in the bottom of the garden, they were/are allowed to cry down a bit (we’re not talking screaming here, just protesting) in the process of getting to sleep because they both were/are very alert and resistant to sleep.

My little girl (almost 6months) is the same. I’m in exactly same situation as you my Husband also works in a medical profession so I do all feeds, naps etc majority of the time.

I just get on with it now and let her nap on me or in the pram as I can spend 45 mins trying to get her to nap in the crib where as she would have just slept and be up again if I let her nap on me. It won’t be forever , yeah I can’t get anything done but it’s just a phase. Seems very very common!

Hi drV. I have a newborn myself and navigating the same troubles you are with being sleep deprived. What I've learnt to accept is that every single child is different. Mine at 7 weeks slept well with being swaddled and nice and warm, stopped the arms flying about. I also have something called ' Ewan the dream sheep' which he loves. It can play a melody to white noise and a few other settings. I find when he stirs at night if I pop it on it can resettle him and there's a setting that it turns on automatically if it hears a sound.
It doesn't work every single time but I have found it helpful. Although at the minute he has regressed with the sleep and I'm knackered!
It's not nice being sleep deprived, it's awful so I can completely empathise.

@Cantcookhavetocook I want to stick up for you here and agree with you because you seem to be getting a hard time for trying to help the OP with some advice.
My 4 month old always cries just before he drops off to sleep. Both independently and when held for a contact nap. It's how I know he's about to drop off to sleep. I don't think @Cantcookhavetocook was suggesting cry it out! Its a 30 second cry of 'i don't want to sleep' before realising actually he is tired.

Good morning @drV how was your night?

Lots of people have given some good tips, take the best bits and see what works for you.

Please call your health visitor - this is what they're trained to do; they have great tips and knowledge on sleep for mum and baby, and also can inform you of what is expected over the next few months.

Babies go through many mini growth spurts and sleep regressions within the first 6 months, however it does get much easier around 3 months (10-14 weeks) when the parotid glands kick in, neutralising stomach acid therefore reducing signs of reflux (usually you notice baby salivate and brings hands to mouth!). You may also notice baby becomes grizzly in the evenings; roll with the cluster feedings; you can't overfeed a EBF baby (different if expressed BM), and if baby doesn't want it; baby will let you know :) she may start to cry a lot in the evening (some people call it colic, (colic is a symptom not a diagnosis) this too will pass. You will both find something that will settle this (babies prefer motion of walking up and down as it's evolutionary built into them to stay high & moving (some people call this the avert predators instinct!) and don't underestimate a overheated baby! Sometimes, we have it too warm - delayer and layer back up after baby has settled if necessary.

I do advocate slings/baby wearing and being nap trapped (perhaps make sure you have a flask of tea/food (your nutrition is important!) near the sofa incase you need it) as you can get on with your day with the slings, however also rest like you're supposed to, if you're nap trapped (great reason to sit down, you're burning lots of calories).
I also advocate safe co-sleep (check out lullaby trust website and look up tips for correct 'C' shaped sleeping). However; always do what is best for you and your family. You can always transition baby they are a little older. If you lay baby down in Moses basket, lower (stealth mode!) baby with feet touching mattress first, then bottom, then head, and like another mum mentioned, put something smelling of you in the basket that you can slip out after.

Hope this helps. Take care & enjoy :)

I put the moses basket inside the cot so baby felt a bit cosier, tilted slightly to help any reflux/wind. Feet first into the cot to avoid the sensation of falling and you could try warming the area slightly first or put something that smells of you in there. White noise has always helped us, shes 2.5 now and i still use it! 7 week is very little so it will change! i never wanted to co-sleep, still dont, so i do everything but that and that is my choice, you should do whatever feels right to you!

Let's just file this under 'poster thinks that boomers and Xers were raised in the Victorian era.'

OP - I had a refluxy baby and sleep was a challenge. What is the baby sleeping in - can you raise the head of the crib on blocks?

Agree that the Next2Me is brilliant for babies like this, and for DS1 a white noise thing (we had a sleep sheep) can be brilliant too.

Put a hot water bottle on the crib mattress before you put her down so the cold doesn't startle her

Hold her for 20 minutes whilst she's asleep and then place her down bum first and head second

This is completely normal and will pass, the above definitely helped us though

Hi all, thank you everyone so much for your advice, literally tried every one of it 😅 turns out she probably wasn't liking her crib, it was a standalone from mamas and papas; she felt abandoned in the crib I guess... We shifted it to downstairs to try and see if it works for daytime naps, but no..

so we bought a new next to me which opens on one side and attaches to our bed.. since then, she is sleeping a bit better, on her own... Still needs to be held while falling asleep, I have learnt to put her in next to me once she goes into deep sleep...

As it is open on my left side, I can stretch my left arm and pat her if she needs reassuring.. so something is working🤞🏼 hope it keeps working...

Since this, I am getting some sleep which has improved my mood and physical health considerably!

Wonderful news. Those cribs are fantastic. I loved being able to just reach out and check my baby was breathing!

Another one here wanting to defend @Cantcookhavetocook. She is holding her DC to sleep, in an effort to calm him or her, she is not leaving her DC to cry it out. My baby also grizzles as she falls asleep, whether she's in my arms or not.

There is a lot of righteousness on this forum.