Sad about 3yo growing up

[Elllieuk]

I had a baby 13 days ago and seeing her next to my 3.5yo daughter has made my daughter look so old. I can’t stop crying thinking how I spent so much time wanting time alone and often being bored or stressed doing trips to the park or supermarket etc. I wish I’d made more of our time together while she was a little toddler, she’s now a preschooler and I feel like soon she’ll be all grown up and not wanting me anymore. I don’t know how to live in the present more but I feel so sad that she starts school next year and I’ll hardly see her.
I wish I could have my time with her over again and make the most of it.
The feeling is overwhelming. I don’t know how to stop feeling so sad that she’s growing up. I hoped maybe this was baby blues but that’s only meant to last a few days. It’s like I’m mourning her youth even though she’s only 3 and a half.
those with older children do they still want their mummy for years to come? I miss her crying for me I feel she’s so independent now.

I think it's really normal to feel this way at certain ages and stages, and all the more so when you've just had a baby! All those hormones, plus your little girl suddenly seems astonishingly huge and "grown up". I remember feeling that way, and it does pass (and then it comes again 😖😂). And your DD is still really so very young (says someone who's eldest is now 18 🥲).

I remember absolutely balling my eyes out over a poem called "beattie is three" when my eldest was that age.

I'll post it on here, if you think you can bear it!

Here's the link to the poem. It's incredibly poignant... Read it at your peril! (It's made me cry again)
www.poetryinternational.com/en/poets-poems/poems/poem/103-13621_BEATTIE-IS-THREE?tour=30066

Oh and congratulations on your baby btw!

Thank you, tbh I don’t think I could handle reading it atm! I’m finding it too hard and when people say it never goes away either 😖 I’m glad you said it does pass cos I’m literally crying all the time about it atm. My daughter asks me what’s wrong and it upsets me even more 😞 Is it still good with them when they’re older? They still need you and cuddles? I’m already worried the best years are passing by. Sorry to sound so dramatic, I really feel terrible right now.

I was inconsolable when my eldest started school. She's mid twenties now and we have just been on a 2 week holiday together and it was wonderful.

There have been some very difficult times between us over the years but honestly the best is yet to come when the follow their dreams and passions

I feel the exact same way. I expect it’s normal.

Ah what a beautiful bittersweet poem!

OP I have a 12yo boy who’s at grammar school now. He needs his mum very much and still likes to sit on my lap. It’s both lovely and difficult watching them grow up. Remember you are full of changing hormones rn and that’s probably having a big effect. It never really goes away but you won’t always be in floods of tears, I promise you!

I say this very gently - could it be a bit of baby blues/hormones?
3 is still very little. You have many years ahead.
They always need you - my oldest DC is 18.

Absolutely normal. I’ve felt like this at every new phase in my DC’s lives BUT you do get used to each new stage/development and that becomes the new norm - starting pre-school, infants, juniors, secondary etc.

I found the baby years were just a blur. With the first you are a new mum and it’s a big shock to the system. With the second you are usually more prepared but then of course you have another child to cope with as well.

Although I have felt nostalgic about their younger years (and still do from time to time), I love watching them grow and become more independent. They are 18 and 16 now and they are great fun. We still do lots together and they still need me almost as much but in different ways.

Bless you. It's normal in many ways, these early years are so precious and fleeting. But also a bit boring sometimes and it's ok not to find every moment special.
My DD is 16 and I can honestly say I have enjoyed every age and phase in different ways. I adored her as a toddler but I am blown away with pride in seeing her grow and develop and blossom. (I did find the Minecraft years very hard going though)
We're close and get on well and she's always needed me, just in different ways.

You've got the baby blues! Be kind to yourself, you are looking back through a haze of hormones. In a month's time you will be appreciating how well your much-loved toddle is developing!

I feel just like this at the moment! I've got 3 year old twins and we won't be having any more children. I keep getting very tearful about how grown up they're becoming and how I'll never get these special years again. I'm out in public ATM so there's no way I'm reading that poem! Haha. Gah, they're so precious aren't they.

I think it's completely normal. It's so easy to look back on those hard hard days and think you should have been more present but you did your best at the time!

Even though now you try to be present you can only be so present and however hard you try and however present you are you cannot stop time passing.

It's part of the pain of being a parent I think.

It reminds me of the song "slipping through my fingers all the time" in mamma Mia!

I often feel the opposite! My eldest is changing every day and I feel so proud and delighted every time she does or says something new. I start to take it for granted that she's turning from toddler to child, then sometimes I look at her and think "wow she's so small still", both physically and in how dependent she is on us.

@atthebottomofthehill - slipping through my fingers gets me every time 😭

Yea it's normal.
My DD is 3.5 and it's likely we won't have any more.
I get a bit sad that her speech is improving so rapidly. I used to find her versions of words were so cute but now she can say them properly I miss it!

Thing is though, I'm looking forward to her getting older too. I think each new stage brings its own magic.

You can't cherish every moment either. You're only human. I get so bored pushing her on the swing but I don't think you can really properly appreciate these moments until they've passed, if that makes sense? So it's not worth dwelling on.
Life goes by very quickly, we have to get shopping done, we've had a tiring day at work, we need to cook tea. We can't always sit with our child every moment and cherish it all. Life just doesn't work that way.

The older one goes overnight from being a baby to practically feeling fully grown! The way it took me was that I was slightly repulsed by my toddlers long gangly legs compared to my newborn who was still curled up.

3 is very, very little yet and she still needs her mama. All of what you’re feeling is completely normal, but not quite this side of rational!

The big feelings are probably hormonal and will settle for you.

My daughter is nearly an adult now, she has never stopped wanting and needing me.
Maybe she doesn't need me to zip her raincoat and mush her parsnips but she grew up needing me to to chat through friendship drama and help with homework and plait and dye her hair and teach her to read and do good winged eyeliner and change a duvet and drive.
There are so many new and fun things to be needed for- I don't miss her needing me to change her nappy or put on her socks- I got to help her plan our roadtrips and alter her prom dress. And she is still curled up on the sofa with me- sharing a blanket and some grapes.
There are many more very lovely things ahead- interspersed with hundreds of hours stood in the drizzle at the park and grumbling round supermarkets.

My oldest is 2.5 and my youngest is 6 weeks and I have been feeling this way recently. Babies are adorable but I’m no good at the baby stage so I spend so much time wishing they would sleep so I could have alone time - I feel awful wishing their little years away.

But I’m 33 and I still need my mum and want cuddles! I’d have her live with us if my DH was up for it, they’ll always love you.

Oh don't, that song gets me every time!! No idea why, mine are all in their 30s and I've got two of them living with me at the moment so they haven't 'slipped' far😭 don't worry OP, it's just baby blues and they are both going to need you for many years to come💐

I thought I was the only one OP! My son is ten and it keeps me awake every night. We have just moved house to a new area and I miss how we were in the old house. I miss his childhood and should have done more with him. I should have made more time.

I understand how you feel, I don't even watch programs with children in them atm. I'm going to seek counselling, I want to get it sorted before year 6.

Perhaps if you still feel like this in a couple of weeks you could seek professional help too?

I find it helps to look back at old photos and videos to remind me of things I had forgotten about those days. I'm sure you had lots of lovely times together and now you can enjoy seeing your children grow up together

Oh, op. This too will pass.

My dd is 19 and iff at uni. She still needs me, but in a different way. We have a fabulous relationship. Parenthood is all about getting used to one stage, then it changing... and again ... and again. It would be abnormal if your dd stayed a toddler for ever.

Totally normal, and I promise you will not feel like this in a few weeks or months. I have a similar age gap and remember feeling ALL the feelings in the aftermath of our youngest's birth, including a real sadness that she wasn't going to be the only one any more. But she's now nearly 6 and needs me just as much as ever, just in a slightly different way. She's already posting me mothers' day cards under the door. The thing about them going to school and not seeing them: it really really doesn't feel like that at all- it's only six hours a day, plus weekends, holidays, bank holidays, sick days. Really. You have a LONG time before she flies the nest!

This is definitely a new baby thing. I remember the same feeling where I brought my new baby home and her big brother suddenly seemed huge and really grown up and suddenly not my baby anymore (he was 19 months). You'll get used to it, she still loves and needs you just as much as she ever did it's the new baby lens that has made you see it like this. It will settle x