Sad about 3yo growing up

[Elllieuk]

I had a baby 13 days ago and seeing her next to my 3.5yo daughter has made my daughter look so old. I can’t stop crying thinking how I spent so much time wanting time alone and often being bored or stressed doing trips to the park or supermarket etc. I wish I’d made more of our time together while she was a little toddler, she’s now a preschooler and I feel like soon she’ll be all grown up and not wanting me anymore. I don’t know how to live in the present more but I feel so sad that she starts school next year and I’ll hardly see her.
I wish I could have my time with her over again and make the most of it.
The feeling is overwhelming. I don’t know how to stop feeling so sad that she’s growing up. I hoped maybe this was baby blues but that’s only meant to last a few days. It’s like I’m mourning her youth even though she’s only 3 and a half.
those with older children do they still want their mummy for years to come? I miss her crying for me I feel she’s so independent now.

Poor you, OP. Baby blues are wild - when mine was a month old, I was inconsolable about her having to start school in 48 months. Your 3 year old is still just a little dot and congratulations 💕

OP, it's totally understandable to feel that way, especially with a new baby for comparison and to just really mess with your hormones.

Sometimes it helps me to make lists - especially when I was up in the night feeding a newborn and my thoughts were racing. Would it help to make a list of all the good memories you have with your eldest so far. It could be anything from her first time at the beach to the third carpet picnic in a week. A book you enjoyed reading to her or a funny word she said. It will help you to see how much you did do with her, and how much you want to repeat with your new baby.

If you think of something you wish you had done, write it on a second list of plans for what you'll do while you're on maternity leave and beyond. I bet you'll be able to think of a wish list for your eldest too. I had a similar age gap and I had great fun taking my pre-schooler to museums and galleries and gardens and things while the new baby was safe in sling or pram and just noticing and naming animals and plants and knights and dinosaurs and all sorts. It was totally different from the baby years but really rewarding anyway.

How you feel is really, really normal but the year ahead is going to be full of many memories for you and your little family.

My teenagers still need me, and I still get cuddles! Last weekend I was simultaneously moaning about the fact that I literally can't get five clear hours without a kid wanting something from me, yet also feeling heartache about my eldest starting to perch on the edge of the nest. Parenthood is confusing 😂

As for "slipping through my fingers": I remember listening to it on Terry Wogan's radio show when I was pregnant with my eldest. I was on the bus and had to stifle my racking sobs as I thought of my as yet unborn baby growing up. Lol.

Remember that it's a privilege to see them grow. To experience them in different phases of their lives and see how they change. There are plenty of parents who don't get that opportunity. I nearly didn't, significant fertility issues and recurrent losses. We are one and done because I can't handle the combination of those two things anymore.

Whenever I feel a bit sad about how much she has changed and grown, I remind myself how lucky I am to be able to see it. Not everyone gets to see their children/loved ones grow, we are very lucky to be able to do so.

Hope this post doesn't go down the wrong way. It genuinely does help me to change my mindset on it.

Congratulations on your new baby.
My 11 year old and six year old still want their mummy! 11 year old loves to curl up on top of me with us wrapped up in a blanket. Every stage is special.

I have lots of phases like this. My 15 year old still wants to be around me and has FOMO so is always by my side. I think regrets and wishing the time back is very real. But try to acknowledge it and move past that. They are young now so enjoy the now. I'm feeling the same now my eldest is 19. I'm struggling to move on from this feeling now

This is very true. Mine will both be starting preschool next month. One minute I'm counting down the days until I can do some uninterrupted jobs around the house, and the next I'm crying because I'm not ready for them to go! A bit like those difficult days when you can't wait until bed time, but once they're asleep you miss them like mad. It's a rollercoaster.

Aww I think this sounds normal, and probably the new baby and hormones and emotions and tiredness that come with that are intensifying it for you. I have a 3.5 year old, she wasn't an easy baby (or toddler) and since her sister was born I regularly feel guilt and regret for ever wanting time to myself, for not doing more things with her (even though we did ALL the things) and I just miss having one on one time with her too, as now her sister is always here too! They grow up SO fast, it's hard not to look at them and wonder where your little baby went. I just cherish all the moments I have now - she has cuddles with me if I ask her, she will ask me to get in her bed at bedtime for a little while, and says really sweet things to me, I have no idea when it will stop, but I try to think that if I worry about it then all it's doing is tainting that time I'm having with her - just enjoy it. She's still sooooo super little. They get so much more independent, but they do still need us so much. I still need my mum at 35!

Xxx

This is such a beautiful thread, reading all the responses. OP, completely normal in my books. Congratulations on your new baby. You have many years of appreciation to come :)

Hormones, op. Fuck tonnes of them, swishing around your body and making you totally fecking mental. Not your fault.

Three is still little. My four year old still follows me around like a lost lamb most of the time because she "wants to be with me" and today she told me she wanted to go back inside my tummy. My 8 year old still calls me mummy and snuggles with me every night for her bedtime story, and demands an "up hug" every couple do days (clamped arms and legs around my torso).

The intensity of what you are feeling will fade in another couple of weeks. Especially if you start getting a bit more sleep! If it doesn't, contact your GP or health visitor as you might need a bit of extra help - you may have post partum depression. Which, again, is not your fault!

It's the difference in bottoms I couldn't fathom 😂😂 mine were closer in age so both in nappies together for a short time. Newborn/14 months.

Aww op I bet you were/are a wonderful mum. Having grown up kids is fab. Although I would love a time travelling machine. Just for me to use though going back and then deffo forward. Guess we all would

This is a lovely thread. I completely get what you mean. Our eldest has just started secondary in September and honestly, the joy it brings us to see her enjoying new clubs and subjects, sports and music, new friendships and ideas really feels like one of our parenting highs. It's just fascinating and lovely to see. (I appreciate that we are very lucky that she is enjoying it so much.)

We also have an 8 month old! So really are at both ends of the childhood spectrum. Our baby just learnt to clap hands this week, also so lovely!! What I mean is, there are so many things to look forward to for you, at every stage, especially seeing the bond between your children. That can be pure magic (at times at least! 😆) Your feelings are all totally understandable. I hope things feel easier soon. ♥️