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No wonder babies don't sleep! *lighthearted *
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 09:55
Is it just me or are the safe sleep guidelines literally everything babies hate?...
A flat uncomfortable hard surface
On their back - not cosied up on side or tum
Far away from cuddles with mum and dad
Temperate kept cool, not toasty and warm
Sleeping space wide open and barren rather than snug and cosy with bumpers
No comfy pillows or soft toys
When you think about it, it's a wonder babies sleep at all!
This may have suddenly occurred to me at 2.30am last night.... 😆
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 13:25
Merrow · 12/03/2023 10:51
I was also thinking, at a similar time of the night, how wonderful it would be if it was completely safe for babies to fall asleep on you while you also sleep. What a vast improvement it would make to so many people.
Instead I was shhhhhing and patting away trying desperately to recreate the deep sleep the baby was in until I moved him!
That would make SUCH a difference to everybody's sleep quality. Someone needs to invent a way for this to happen safely...
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 13:27
Circleofshells · 12/03/2023 11:35
100% agree 😂, maybe it’s a ploy to make sure women don’t enjoy the early infancy stage too much so they are ready to go back to work once mat leave finishes
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 09:55
Is it just me or are the safe sleep guidelines literally everything babies hate?...
A flat uncomfortable hard surface
On their back - not cosied up on side or tum
Far away from cuddles with mum and dad
Temperate kept cool, not toasty and warm
Sleeping space wide open and barren rather than snug and cosy with bumpers
No comfy pillows or soft toys
When you think about it, it's a wonder babies sleep at all!
This may have suddenly occurred to me at 2.30am last night.... 😆
Ha, this could be right!
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 13:28
bussteward · 12/03/2023 12:21
I’m on maternity leave and watching a LOT of Grey’s Anatomy while DS goes on his marathon boobathons and there’s an episode where Alex sleeps all night in a chair with a preemie baby asleep on his chest; when the scene began I thought it was going to be an awful tragic one but of course, the baby was hooked up to monitors and lots of other people were around. So the answer is it’s OK to have a baby sleep on you and go to sleep if you’re a good-looking TV doctor. It’s that whole “it takes a village” thing – babies are set up perfectly to be raised in a communal fashion where they could sleep in a sling on anyone while the mother got some rest, or sleep on the mother while she slept and someone else kept a close eye, or the mother didn’t get any sleep but everyone in the commune did the cooking, cleaning, and playing boring imaginary games with the older DC. The problem is less the stupid babies and more stupid society, that expects us to have a baby sleeping on us and make dinner and pretend to be Captain Barnacles, while also snapping back into our pre-baby shape, making sure to have sex so DH doesn’t have an affair with his secretary, and simultaneously go back to work full time as a strong role model for career women while at the same time being a SAHM for nurturing. No room for sleep in that scenario!
Merrow · 12/03/2023 10:51
I was also thinking, at a similar time of the night, how wonderful it would be if it was completely safe for babies to fall asleep on you while you also sleep. What a vast improvement it would make to so many people.
Instead I was shhhhhing and patting away trying desperately to recreate the deep sleep the baby was in until I moved him!
Ah I remember this episode!! I am craving a rewatch but mine is 4 months old now and starting to get less tolerant of me watching TV instead of playing with her now...
Singleandproud · 12/03/2023 13:29
It's strange isn't it? We are animals no different to a mother cat/dog/horse etc and yet we allow our instincts to be over ridden by Dr's and experts with the fear of causing death if we do things wrong. I do know that SIDS was/is a massive issue and terribly sad for all involved but how have we come so far from doing things naturally and instinctively.
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 13:30
bussteward · 12/03/2023 13:23
@Locsup183 DS is 11 weeks and I’m up to season 10 already. Every weigh-in they’re like “Wow, you must be dedicated to feeding!” Me, shifty-eyed: yes, it’s the… feeding I care about. Would love to move from the sofa and turn off the TV, but alas.
😂
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 13:31
bluesofacushion · 12/03/2023 11:37
I'm with you OP. There's no way I'd sleep well freezing cold and a rock hard piece of foam.
This is interesting for the for the folk debating what "eminent" researchers think:
podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-midwives-cauldron/id1523178579?i=1000599283001
Thanks for sharing this I will have a listen!
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 13:32
Caspianberg · 12/03/2023 12:33
When Ds was newborn in hospital, they had a large fluffy duvet, folded in 4 so a huge thick pile, then piled into of 2 hr old baby inside a little Moses basket size crib on wheels. He was also given a baby pillow, and a hat with tie on straps whilst he was sleeping.
When he didn’t sleep, he was wrapped in in a giant muslin. Then swaddled in said giant duvet and tucked in next to me in bed, between home and a wall.
It was May, and boiling
It's mad isn't it! Did your baby sleep well after all that?!
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 13:35
To be clear (in case it wasn't from my original post) it's clear that SIDs is an extremely serious matter and should be taken seriously. The light hearted point is more that this happens to coincide with everything I would hate to have in my sleep environment !
Daftasabroom · 12/03/2023 13:42
MaryJean87 · 12/03/2023 10:04
I always swaddled mine even though it wasn't recommended as I found it the best way for then to settle. The guidelines had changed between having my eldest and fourth child, but the health visitor just told me to do it safely.
DS1 loved being swaddled, you could kind of see how happy he was. Once he was toddling he'd get out of cot/bed and come in with us. He'd then sleep sideways across our heads or just plain on our faces. The smell of a wet nappy 10cm from my nose, what joy.
Cardamoney · 12/03/2023 14:03
Baby number one - put them on their side in case they are sick.
Baby number two (2 years later) - put them on their stomach in case they are sick.
Baby number three (2 years later)- put them on their back so they don’t overheat. If they’re sick they’ll just turn their heads.
And they wonder why parents find it difficult to follow the right advice!
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 14:24
Babies are also so different, I love being cold in bed and my daughter has always been the same, the minute she starts getting hot we're all in trouble! But I had her in with me for the first few weeks and then gradually moved to the beside me bed and she's now perfectly happy in her own room. But every child is different! If I have another I will probably try to do a lot less googling and trust my instincts more, for my own sanity!
Merryweather80 · 12/03/2023 17:32
@bussteward You said it so perfectly. I lived those sleepy boobathons with the control all mine! Better than watching paw patrol or swash buckle while doing homework, cooking dinner, and cleaning the loo.
I'm so glad I can stay home. Just home is hard enough. I don't know how working mums do it all. Let alone single moms who do it all.
But yes. All mine have co-slept better than sleeping in their Moses basket. I had a sats monitor that goes on the toe for number one. Ditched it for the other two.
Funny what comes to mind at 2.30.
britneybitch23 · 12/03/2023 18:04
@Hebehouse yes!! I've been wondering about all these teens who refuse to engage or have any form of closeness to their parents.
Is it because they were left to sleep alone in the cold? Has cry it out caused this?
Something has shifted and no one seems to be making a connection to the earliest years!
Itsneverwhatitseems · 12/03/2023 18:59
Hebehouse · 12/03/2023 10:06
I read a book called Three In A Bed by Deborah Jackson when i was first pregnant 30+ years ago. I also grew up on a farm and watched babies snuggling up with their mothers, and decided that this approach was for me. I never regretted it.
I've just downloaded the book to see whether much has been changed to allow for scientific research on safe sleeping.
I was reading this thread and trying to remember the book my dh bought about sleep.
Youve hit the nail on the head!
Plenty of advice and scientific research in its favour.
We also followed it
Tina8800 · 12/03/2023 19:06
I was thinking about this a lot! The fact that guidelines are constantly changeing also doesn't help. Even countries are very different.
Where I am from the doctors are telling you to use baby nest; newborns will feel surrounded and cosy. In the UK the guidelines are against it but allowed you to swaddle. Which in my country considered dangerous as they can easily overheat.
I always put my baby on the side and only turned her onto her back when she was deeply sleeping. She could never fell asleep on her back. I tried swaddling once: hated it. Loved the babynest.
So I think every baby is different and you kind of have to follow whatever works.
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 19:57
Hevviie · 12/03/2023 14:24
Babies are also so different, I love being cold in bed and my daughter has always been the same, the minute she starts getting hot we're all in trouble! But I had her in with me for the first few weeks and then gradually moved to the beside me bed and she's now perfectly happy in her own room. But every child is different! If I have another I will probably try to do a lot less googling and trust my instincts more, for my own sanity!
You are so right. In particular, I'm going to try googling things less and trusting my instincts more. I'm a FTM and have been so scared of messing up.
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 19:58
Daftasabroom · 12/03/2023 13:42
DS1 loved being swaddled, you could kind of see how happy he was. Once he was toddling he'd get out of cot/bed and come in with us. He'd then sleep sideways across our heads or just plain on our faces. The smell of a wet nappy 10cm from my nose, what joy.
MaryJean87 · 12/03/2023 10:04
I always swaddled mine even though it wasn't recommended as I found it the best way for then to settle. The guidelines had changed between having my eldest and fourth child, but the health visitor just told me to do it safely.
Awww!! I'm excited for the day my 4 month old can't do this. Very cute!
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 19:58
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 19:58
Awww!! I'm excited for the day my 4 month old can't do this. Very cute!
Daftasabroom · 12/03/2023 13:42
DS1 loved being swaddled, you could kind of see how happy he was. Once he was toddling he'd get out of cot/bed and come in with us. He'd then sleep sideways across our heads or just plain on our faces. The smell of a wet nappy 10cm from my nose, what joy.
MaryJean87 · 12/03/2023 10:04
I always swaddled mine even though it wasn't recommended as I found it the best way for then to settle. The guidelines had changed between having my eldest and fourth child, but the health visitor just told me to do it safely.
*Can.
Oh dear what has happened to my brain!
Purple89 · 12/03/2023 20:01
Cardamoney · 12/03/2023 14:03
Baby number one - put them on their side in case they are sick.
Baby number two (2 years later) - put them on their stomach in case they are sick.
Baby number three (2 years later)- put them on their back so they don’t overheat. If they’re sick they’ll just turn their heads.
And they wonder why parents find it difficult to follow the right advice!
Wow! I can't believe the guidelines changed so much in such a short space of time.
My mum was taught that babies should sleep on their side and she is only 54.
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