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Original poster

Child assaulted at a party. Do I tell school?

57 replies

User17865 · 11/03/2023 20:02

My primary age DC has been assaulted at a classmates birthday party today. The child who assaulted him has bullied him at school in the past. He’s a very angry child and was also being aggressive to other children at the party.
His Mum never seems to intervene. I wasn’t at the party, his Dad was, he was out of the room when it happened though.
I’m not sure if I should let school know. I don’t expect them to do anything about today directly. I just wonder if I should make them aware so they can make sure they keep a close eye on things in school and don’t put them in groups together etc when they’re splitting the class.
My DC is Autistic if that makes any difference to peoples opinions. So he is more vulnerable to bullying than some other children. He is very young for his age emotionally and has social difficulties.
He’s got raised red bruising to his arm and both shoulders. I only noticed in the bath. He probably wouldn’t have told me if I hadn’t seen his injuries. He finds it hard to talk about his feelings.

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 11/03/2023 20:04

I would, you're not expecting them to act upon it, but to keep a watchful eye. That seems very reasonable.
Hope your child is ok.

TheSnowyOwl · 11/03/2023 20:07

Sorry to hear about your child. I would report to school as well, even though it didn’t happen there, so they can be aware.

FlyingCherries · 11/03/2023 20:10

How old are they? If they’re 4/5, I’d say this is an overexcited child at a party who is likely to be calmer and kept a better eye on at school, so not worth mentioning it. I’d also not describe it as assault. If they’re more like 10, I’d probably mention it at school though I’d have thought they’d be well aware of issues with the child.

Starlitestarbright · 11/03/2023 20:11

Why didn't father raise it with the parent when the collected the child?

Summerpetal · 11/03/2023 20:13

Take photos ,
and try to get a full picture of what happened,maybe ask a mum who was there at the time .

Original poster
User17865 · 11/03/2023 20:15

They’re both 8. There was no interaction before hand according to my DC. He just launched at him on the bouncy castle and hit him and scratched him.
Dad was out of the room when it happened. He went to make a coffee in the kitchen of the hall and went to the toilet, so it happened at one of those times.
DC didn’t tell his Dad. I saw the marks in the bath and asked him what they were from. He probably wouldn’t have mentioned it to either of us if I hadn’t seen them. He finds communication hard due to being Autistic.

OP posts:
Beaverbridge · 11/03/2023 20:18

Yes, I'd report it. Also take pictures. You, d have thought an adult would have intervened.

Snoopystick · 11/03/2023 20:19

Definitely report it. I would do it by email so you have a trail.

itsgettingweird · 11/03/2023 20:20

Yes you need to tell them.

Not only because they need to know but also you are sending your child to school with significant bruising.

Original poster
User17865 · 11/03/2023 20:22

Thanks all, I have taken photos and was wondering about asking one of the Mum’s who I’m friendly with if she saw anything. They were on the bouncy castle so possibly not easy for others to see what was happening when lots of children were bouncing all together.
He’s got obvious fingers marks across both shoulders and a raised mark on his arm a couple of inches across, that looks like he’s been grabbed.
If assault isn’t the best word to use to school any suggestions of a better one? Genuine question. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
User17865 · 11/03/2023 20:23

itsgettingweird · 11/03/2023 20:20

Yes you need to tell them.

Not only because they need to know but also you are sending your child to school with significant bruising.

This did occur to me as well. They need to know it didn’t happen at home. When he fell off his scooter at the park I let nursery know why he had bruises.

OP posts:
Ttbhappy · 11/03/2023 20:24

You need to mention it to school but also you need to stand up and talk to the parents about this issue as the buck stops with parents.

RedToothBrush · 11/03/2023 20:26

Take photos and tell school.

We've been having trouble with another child and DS recently so I spent this week reading our school policy on behaviour and bullying.

It explicitly says to tell school of any violent incident both in school or outside school.

Given the history and your child's vulnerability it's important and relevant so they can keep an eye on whether there is something else going on for both boys.

The fact that the parents are not intervening is also important to note. It gives clues to what's going on and whether there might be issues at home.

WinterMusings · 11/03/2023 20:28

poor DS😢. How was he when he got home? Did he seem like he'd enjoyed the party?

I would say attacked rather than assaulted.

I hate the fact that you don't really know what they've been through if they don't communicate terribly well 😢

yes, you absolutely have to inform the school.

id be 'discussing' it with the parents too.

Original poster
User17865 · 11/03/2023 20:29

Ttbhappy · 11/03/2023 20:24

You need to mention it to school but also you need to stand up and talk to the parents about this issue as the buck stops with parents.

Knowing the Mum she’d deny he did anything, she’d say it must’ve been another DC and say nothing to her son. If I’d witnessed it myself I would‘ve intervened and said something to the DC and the Mum. After the event I feel like I’d be wasting my breath unfortunately. Also complicated by our younger daughters being friends in the same class.

OP posts:
MissHoollie · 11/03/2023 20:30

I think the fact no parents told you and it sounds unwitnessed I would move on from this

Original poster
User17865 · 11/03/2023 20:32

RedToothBrush · 11/03/2023 20:26

Take photos and tell school.

We've been having trouble with another child and DS recently so I spent this week reading our school policy on behaviour and bullying.

It explicitly says to tell school of any violent incident both in school or outside school.

Given the history and your child's vulnerability it's important and relevant so they can keep an eye on whether there is something else going on for both boys.

The fact that the parents are not intervening is also important to note. It gives clues to what's going on and whether there might be issues at home.

Sorry your DS is dealing with similar. I’ll have a look at their policy so thanks for that, it didn’t occur to me.

OP posts:
BCBird · 11/03/2023 20:34

You must notify the school to protect yourselves from.allegations and also to.protect your son.

RedToothBrush · 11/03/2023 20:35

I can't remember exactly which policy I read it in, but I think the behavioural and bullying ones at our school link together to a certain extent anyway and in your case there is a history there.

It was something that did surprise me because I thought it was relevant to the school.

Original poster
User17865 · 11/03/2023 20:36

WinterMusings · 11/03/2023 20:28

poor DS😢. How was he when he got home? Did he seem like he'd enjoyed the party?

I would say attacked rather than assaulted.

I hate the fact that you don't really know what they've been through if they don't communicate terribly well 😢

yes, you absolutely have to inform the school.

id be 'discussing' it with the parents too.

He was ok when he got home. He never seems to get upset when people are unkind. He was pushed off his bike a few months ago in the park on purpose and didn’t seem to care at all!
I do find it really hard that he isn’t able to communicate with me more than he does. When I try to get him to chat to me about how he feels about something he gets distressed. So I don’t push it anymore. It’s so hard isn’t it.

OP posts:
PennyRa · 11/03/2023 20:37

Maybe mention it, but an accident on a bouncy castle at a party out of school really isn't anything to do with them

RedToothBrush · 11/03/2023 20:37

Sorry should read 'It was something that did surprise me because I thought it wasn't relevant to the school.

BCBird · 11/03/2023 20:39

I'm.a teacher. If I saw a mark.on a child I would raise this as a concern.

cansu · 11/03/2023 20:41

I would not be using the word assaulted. You also don't know what happened. For all you know your ds landed on the other kid and he lashed out. I don't know but it doesn't sound like you do either. The time to deal with this was at the party. In any event you could deal with it by letting the other parent know. The school can't do anything about this and tbh why would they? He was in your care. If you think there is an issue with this kid then ask that they are not paired up. However it would be odd to expect the school to keep them apart if you are allowing them to socialise outside of school. I am assuming you will not be attending any more parties where this child will be present?

RedToothBrush · 11/03/2023 20:50

The school can't do anything about this and tbh why would they? He was in your care.

That's not the point. The expectation is that they can't do anything as you say. But it's background information and may form part of a pattern that you aren't aware of. If it's significant enough to have left brusing you should explain what your son has told you and be honest that you didn't see the incident.

It leaves the school in the position of awareness to observe/ keep an eye on the situation.

It may be nothing. But it may show something else.