Hating my life with a two year old

[user01082312345]

My son is 2.5 and I'm wondering if I'm cut out to be a parent. My husband is an amazing dad and he helps out where he can, but I feel as though I have no idea what I'm doing. When I go pick my son up from nursery, he runs away from me laughing and I have to go chase him, and I end up having to pick him up and drag him to the car, all the while thinking the other parents are staring at me judging. He's beginning to throw tantrums more often, and I just don't want to take him out in public in case he has a meltdown. He always wants to run away rather than take my hand and walk beside me, then when it's time to leave, he throws a fit and it's borderline impossible to strap him back in his car seat. I don't have any friends and my parents live abroad. I miss my old life, I can't remember the last time I got that 'Friday feeling' when I finish work. I dread the weekends, and by Monday I'm exhausted from taking care of DS. All I feel like doing is sit back and read my kindle or watch tv, or go for a relaxing walk, and I can't do any of those things anymore at weekends. Even when DS is napping, I'm just waiting for the moment he'll wake up. I find myself sometimes wishing I wasn't a mum, even though I love my son to bits and would do anything for him, but at the same time I hate my life right now and dream of doing a midnight flit...just running away somewhere and starting afresh. I had no idea motherhood would be this way. I'm still breastfeeding him, I've tried to wean him but he super clingy to me and it's the only way I can get him to sleep at night. Please someone tell me it gets easier. Part of me feels as though I've ruined my life, but then I hate myself for thinking that way. I read that three year olds are even worse, and I don't think I could bear that.

Do you work op?

I totally get you. My 2.5yo is really difficult. I feel so emotionally drained by her constant demands that even normal toddler behaviour is now irritating the hell out of me. I have a young baby as well and feel so frazzled by the constant demands of them both I just want to be left alone. I have no help and I don’t think people get it who have family that do childcare, it’s a completely different ball game.

It does get better. I felt exactly the same as you, and I'd be lying if I said I never ever had those thoughts now! It's totally normal. 2 and a half is a really really challenging age. Mine is now nearly 6 and we've had a lovely day today, no tears, tantrums, just laughs. And yes I'm tired, and was a bit bored at times sat with playmobil and stood in a cold park. But it is soooo much nicer than the days were a few years back. It does get more enjoyable as each year passes for me. I'm still shattered, I still have days that I'm thinking omg when is it bedtime!!!! But I honestly can say you're at the worst age on my opinion and it will get better, I promise.

Yes I WFH and DS goes to nursery weekdays. The nursery is my village and I don't know what I would do if I was a stay at home mum, I would go mad. I can't fathom why people willingly choose to have a second kid. When I see these mothers who are stay at home with three or four young kids, I don't know how they do it! I feel like I'm failing 😞

I struggled with mine, very very similar.

now 13 and just diagnosed ADHD

very bright, empathetic, popular and lovely but… still requires much more intense parenting than my other children. However…. It’s a lot lot better than when a toddler

Exactly what I thought

then I had my second and realised why people have multiple

I wouldn’t beat yourself up for it.

Terrible ‘2s’ are called that for a reason. They might have an extra lively kid than others but they eventually grow out of it.

My husband suggested we have another and straight away I said 'No! Never!' There's no way I could put myself through this again. I wish people were more honest about how difficult raising a child is. When I was pregnant, everyone was acting as though it was the most blessed thing, it would be all rainbows and unicorns. And when people say that the time goes by so fast... no it bloody well doesn't!

Are you full time op?

How can you tell if it's ADHD as opposed to normal toddler behaviour?

I am so glad you said this. Why do we have to glorify being a mother ? Some people are just not natural at it and we are all subjected to a cultural expectation.

I didn't like parenting a 2 year old. Mine is almost 4 and I've loved the 3-4 year.

Yes I WFH full time, although my job is super chill. I'm not chained to my desk all day, and as long as I meet deadlines, it's all good. But often I find myself dreading the moment I have to go pick DS up from nursery, and I miss just relaxing in the evening. By the time I get DS in bed, I have to shower, eat and then I'm so tired I pretty much crash. DS is still waking during the night, and he likes to get up early.

You don’t mention that your partner does anything?

This gives me hope! I just want DS to be at an age where we can go on family holidays, like actual holidays where it isn't just me taking care of DS' needs. And we can go to restaurants and have conversations, I don't have to fear a sudden temper tantrum or looking for somewhere to change his diaper, having to plan everything around his nap time etc.

OP sounds like normal two year old behaviour to me! Please don’t listen to the poster re ADHD it’s a stage and I must admit I found early threes hard work …. But once they reach four it’s SO much easier. Mine used to always run off and hide when I went to collect him, it’s just a game to them and maybe they jeans you to see their nursery. At the time it is a drag but it goes fast when you look back.

maybe wean off breastfeeding and get his sleep sorted, I’m sure that will help you feel a lot better. Better days are coming for you, I promise!

My husband has a good relationship with my son, although I'm the one who takes care of his primary needs, like feeding him, changing him, bathing him and putting him to bed. I still breastfeed and DS is especially clingy towards me. He doesn't want his dad if he wakes during the night, so I have to go to him. Also my husband works evening/night shifts so I'm often on my own with DS.

We toilet trained my son at just before 3, over a wet grey weekend and he took to it so well. He was quite a violent angry 2 year old, don't get me wrong he has his moments now but he's a sweet, loving boy most of the time who tells me every night before bed that I'm his best friend.

This too shall pass!!!

I felt the same op, and it feels like your child is the only child in the world that does this! But they aren't! My hardest time was first 6 months then 2.5-3.5 (where DS was a nightmare doing all the stuff you describe) he's 4 now and so so much better. He actually has some understanding and empathy, that goes a long way!

So you work full time and then do everything and describe your husband as having a “good rel” with his son. They’re not BFFs! He needs to do some of the practical work

OP, your partner needs to do more. It isn't fair that you're working full time while also doing the majority of the care for your son. Of course you're miserable. It's normal for a toddler to favour one parent over the other, but you might have to get a bit tougher on this. Yes, your son won't always 'want' his dad to see to him instead of you, but he's going to need to get used to it. And your partner is going to need to step up.

P.s. I also have a two year old, and I'd go fucking insane if my husband wasn't doing 50%. Parenting can be so so boring and stressful. You're not doing anything wrong. Some of us just don't love it!

I feel you OP, my DD is 2.5 and a bit..spirited. I took her to a toddler group at a farm and whilst all the other kids were calmly feeding the animals and listening to the talk about them mine ran off into some woods laughing and I had to scramble about catching her multiple times. She was the only kid who wouldn't do as she was told so it was really noticeable and embarrassing..having said that, she is getting a lot better with really firm and consistent boundaries but I do sometimes feel like she lives to aggravate me. I'm sure it is normal toddler behaviour but it is bloody tough.

Completely normal!

Your DH isn't doing enough. What's this 'helping' all about? Parenting is not just your job he dips in and out of.
And stop bf.