Hating my life with a two year old

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My son is 2.5 and I'm wondering if I'm cut out to be a parent. My husband is an amazing dad and he helps out where he can, but I feel as though I have no idea what I'm doing. When I go pick my son up from nursery, he runs away from me laughing and I have to go chase him, and I end up having to pick him up and drag him to the car, all the while thinking the other parents are staring at me judging. He's beginning to throw tantrums more often, and I just don't want to take him out in public in case he has a meltdown. He always wants to run away rather than take my hand and walk beside me, then when it's time to leave, he throws a fit and it's borderline impossible to strap him back in his car seat. I don't have any friends and my parents live abroad. I miss my old life, I can't remember the last time I got that 'Friday feeling' when I finish work. I dread the weekends, and by Monday I'm exhausted from taking care of DS. All I feel like doing is sit back and read my kindle or watch tv, or go for a relaxing walk, and I can't do any of those things anymore at weekends. Even when DS is napping, I'm just waiting for the moment he'll wake up. I find myself sometimes wishing I wasn't a mum, even though I love my son to bits and would do anything for him, but at the same time I hate my life right now and dream of doing a midnight flit...just running away somewhere and starting afresh. I had no idea motherhood would be this way. I'm still breastfeeding him, I've tried to wean him but he super clingy to me and it's the only way I can get him to sleep at night. Please someone tell me it gets easier. Part of me feels as though I've ruined my life, but then I hate myself for thinking that way. I read that three year olds are even worse, and I don't think I could bear that.

It's a very hard age, so don't beat yourself up. And not all children (even with the same parents) are the same. DS1 was tiring at that stage, but if he had beebn anything like DS2 trust me I wouldn't have had a second!

For him running off like that, as long as he's inside somewhere safe, just don't chase. He'll probably stop after a while. Ditto with tantrums. Move him somewhere safe, stand by and wait. When he stops raging, hug him and say, Feel better now? Let's go finish lunch/go home playing music on the radio/ whatever. I wish I'd learned to do this earlier than I did!

You may well find you adore the next stage...so again, don't beat yourself up

2 is such a hard age. They are willful, tantrum and still have little to no logic.

Reins are my suggestion. As long as he is running off use the reins.
Good firm boundaries.
Your DH needs to be more involved. When my DC were little DH would always take them out for a Morning - it would d give me a break. And it was really good for them to have time together.
Also my top top is when when they are screaming about getting into buggy/car Seat wait until your DC takes a sharp intake of breath then firmly push in the chest area and strap in. They was my technique
Swimming is also a good way to tired little children out - good activity for DC and DH to do together.
It does get better and easier. It takes time. Loving but firm boundaries and a routine can help.

I really found 18 months to 3 the hardest years with my DC. I loved 0-12 months, and then found that 3 onwards got a lot easier. But toddlers are horrendous ime. I found the total absence of rationality hard to bear, and the tantrums truly awful.

My DD1 - now a delightful and very well-adjusted 15 year old - was such hard work as a toddler. She used to sit on the pavement outside nursery at home time and refuse to get into the car. I had to really battle to get her into her car seat, sometimes with her really screaming and lashing out, and as you say, I felt so self-conscious and that all the other parents were staring and judging.

But it did ease, and she got more reasonable in time. I appreciate that it's not much comfort when you're still in the trenches OP, but do take heart: it will get easier. Meanwhile do all you can to look after yourself and snatch little breaks where you can.

Sundays are the worst, since my husband works night shift on a Sunday and so he usually sleeps during the day. I'm completely on my own with DS, and I don't drive so the most I can do with him is go for a walk to the local park, which is never fun. One of my old school friends has a toddler and she's constantly posting photos on FB about all their adventures together. She brings her toddler everywhere, they've travelled the world together, and often she goes without her husband. I'm just in awe of how she does this. I get anxiety just thinking about taking DS on a ten minute bus ride never mind a long haul flight! I'm really starting to think I shouldn't have become a mother 😞

Feel for you. You sound depressed Op. Have you considered speaking to a Gp or therapist? It’s natural to feel ground down when juggling work and a toddler, but some of the things you say, and lack of enjoyment in him, make me wonder if this is a much more complex thing for you to explore and get some support with. Of course this age and stage is all about focusing on their needs so that really jumped out at me that you resent them getting in the way of your old life - but maybe that is more common than I think , it’s just not something I’ve ever felt (not meant in a judgemental way). I definitely wouldn’t recommend another child if you’re feeling this way, as I’d say two really is a lot harder. I don’t think 2 is the worst age, I think it’s a delightful age, it’s normal toddler behaviour to play and push boundaries. They’re learning. I would urge you to go see someone to explore where this feeling is coming from. This time will pass, and you don’t get another bite of the cherry.

Some books I’d recommend: the book you wish your parents had read, how to talk so toddlers will listen, the montessori toddler. There are also some great Instagram accounts on parenting and the holistic psychologist is a great entry into starting to understand yourself a bit. It will be ok. But it doesn’t need to feel like it does now. With support you can enjoy your precious life and son