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Original poster

Am I damaging my 8 month by not going to baby groups?

38 replies

Rainbowjellyfish · 10/03/2023 12:42

I hate baby groups and playgroups. I find them overwhelming and when I do try to go, the timing never works around naps. However, I worry my boy is missing out on that kind of stimulation. He’s 8 months. He seems like he finds them overwhelming too and often gets upset, but I worry that’s because he’s not used to them enough.

Is it bad that I don’t go to them? We get out everyday for walks, to the shops etc. We might go out for brunch at some point or see some friends. But most days it’s just him and me pottering around the house, playing etc. Am I a bad mum?

OP posts:

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Wnikat · 10/03/2023 12:42

No.

Corah5 · 10/03/2023 12:43

I didn’t go to groups either. Same reason - bitchy women who ignored me, too noisy, too unhygienic. At that age they don’t play with other kids, they play by themselves anyway. You’re not a bad mother, loads of us can’t be arsed with that shit.

FadedRed · 10/03/2023 12:45

No, definitely not an issue. Babies don’t play ‘with’ other babies until they are 2/3 years old, most parents go to others groups in order to socialise with other parents, not because the babies need to ‘socialise’. If you don’t want to go, that’s fine.

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theotherfossilsister · 10/03/2023 12:46

Oh God, the groups can be so bitchy. We do go to a few, just because they give him new places to see/explore but I don't think you need to. Walks and play and books at home are lovely

Dacadactyl · 10/03/2023 12:48

No. I would say at 8 months you are not damaging him.

However, from 1 year onwards, I do think you should be taking him to outside activities...playgroups, rhyme times, swimming etc. He will deffo need the stimulation and interaction with other kids.

Eatentoomanyroses · 10/03/2023 12:52

I didn’t take mine until she was just over one. She is 2 now and I have to say she does love going. Maybe try different ones. I’ve been lucky with the ones we’ve gone to. Everyone very nice and friendly.

CoodleMoodle · 10/03/2023 12:55

I didn't take my DD9 to any groups until she was about 15mo. When I went to the one down the road I didn't enjoy it at all. It was clique-y, the room was freezing, it was the same toys over and over, there was no structure at all (which I appreciate some people prefer!)... DD liked playing with the toys so we kept going but I think I spoke to maybe two people total in the six months we went.

Then we moved house when she was 2, and found a new group which was lovely. I enjoyed going even though I didn't really make any friends or anything (used to make small talk about the kids but that was about it!), but I felt comfortable there. The first group, not so much!

I liked the second one so much that I took DS4 as soon as he could walk, and was genuinely sad when we had our last session last Summer because he was starting school.

So I would say don't write them off completely, but also don't beat yourself up about it either. If you find one you like then that's great, but if not then it really is fine.

Original poster

Rainbowjellyfish · 10/03/2023 12:55

@Eatentoomanyroses @Dacadactyl how do you time them around naps? My boy is on 2 naps a day and normally has 1-1.5 hours in the morning when most of the groups are

OP posts:

kernowpicklepie · 10/03/2023 12:56

I didn't take my DD to any groups at that age. We've just started going to a Hartbeeps group and she's 19 months old. She seems to enjoy it but it's not one where you really have time to chat with other mums.
I'm looking at going to some of the local stay and plays soon aswell but I also have a 10 week old DS so trying to psych myself up to it as I get quite anxious going out on my own with both of them.
Luckily DS sleeps through the Hartbeeps one so far

Hotvimto3 · 10/03/2023 12:59

Absolutely not

Dacadactyl · 10/03/2023 13:00

Rainbowjellyfish · 10/03/2023 12:55

@Eatentoomanyroses @Dacadactyl how do you time them around naps? My boy is on 2 naps a day and normally has 1-1.5 hours in the morning when most of the groups are

Mine both napped 11 til 12.30pm. Which was brilliant cos the morning groups started at 9am and the afternoon groups at 1pm. So I never had an issue.

If you Google your local councils name and family information service, you can email them to request a list of all the playgroups in your Borough, so you should find a couple that fit round nap times.

PeekAtYou · 10/03/2023 13:03

No. They are more for finding friends for you than something that benefits an under 1. Under 1s enjoy the novelty of being somewhere different but it doesn't have to be baby group.

Aftjbtibg · 10/03/2023 13:06

No not at all! At their age they’re more for the mums. My DS was a lockdown baby so we didn’t have any and is more advanced than my DD who did do them

Bbq1 · 10/03/2023 13:10

I loved taking my ds to baby groups, I took him from a very young age. I made all my mum friends there and the children had little friends. I found the groups to be welcoming and supportive.

Eatentoomanyroses · 10/03/2023 13:12

Rainbowjellyfish · 10/03/2023 12:55

@Eatentoomanyroses @Dacadactyl how do you time them around naps? My boy is on 2 naps a day and normally has 1-1.5 hours in the morning when most of the groups are

I didn’t go until she was over one and she was on one nap a day then so we went in the morning and she’d nap either on the way home in the pram and is wheel her inside and put her somewhere quieter or I’d take her upstairs to the cot

QuiltedHippo · 10/03/2023 13:13

I always liked the 9.30 ones, gets you out the house then they nap afterwards.

Of course you don't need to do them but for some they're a lifesaver, giving structure and social interaction.

I hated being stuck at home trying to stop the baby getting into the dogs water bowl or whatever all day long. Definitely would have resorted to screen time before the recommended age if I didn't get out and about. But that's just me and my baby, everyone is different

BigglyBee · 10/03/2023 13:14

If they help you, then that's great. But if they don't, then just stop. You might feel more like trying again later on, or you might find another way that works for both you and your baby. Socialization does not have to be in a formal group setting.

bussteward · 10/03/2023 13:18

At 8 months I think we were doing teething molars, hourly night wakings, a couple of family funerals to attend, a house renovation and battling with weaning. Not a baby group or baby play date in sight: life is exciting enough for babies, even if their world consists of “watch mum talk to builder, accompany mum to cafe and watch her spend the child benefit on a massive cake to survive the lack of sleep”.

Workinghardeveryday · 10/03/2023 13:20

No you are not damaging him - saving him colds and viruses yes 😂.

I do think when he is a bit older though he would benefit from going

CrotchetyQuaver · 10/03/2023 13:22

No. I found the competitive parenting over milestones reached and comparisons made when I met up with my NCT group awful, made me feel so inadequate as a working mum (they weren't, they were either given up work or on extended ML). My DD were fine, just weren't the first to do anything and got there in their own good time!

I think it's helpful to get them interacting with others their own age when they're a bit older, mobile and talking but at 8 months, I think it's more for the parents than them.

anon37484291918 · 10/03/2023 13:22

I loved toddler classes for ds, dd wasn't as keen but she couldn't go until she was 2 because of covid and things being closed.

HamSandwichKiller · 10/03/2023 13:26

At 8 months you'd be going for you so if you don't fancy it don't bother. Once they're toddlers they totally benefit from meeting other kids e.g. learning to share so don't dismiss all playgroups on the basis of one.

I went to a few that were full of mums that knew each other. No bother, had my cuppa & biscuit and watched my kid zoom around the room. Other times people would chat, just depended on the day really. I never went to groups hoping to generate a social life but made some good friends on the way.

inloveandmarried · 10/03/2023 13:30

Baby groups are for the mothers not the babies! They don't have a clue, you are their world.

If the group helps your well-being then it's beneficial to your baby.

I made some of my closest friends through my baby groups and still talk to them most days, decades later.

TimeForMeToF1y · 10/03/2023 13:35

anon37484291918 · 10/03/2023 13:22

I loved toddler classes for ds, dd wasn't as keen but she couldn't go until she was 2 because of covid and things being closed.

It must be different now but when my children were babies I couldn't have taken an 8 month old to a toddler grouo, I'm assuming yout 8 month olds weren't walking

I don't think you're missing anything OP other than an opportunity to talk to other afulta

Ponderingwindow · 10/03/2023 13:38

Those groups are for the parents.

they were also always right in the middle of nap time for us. I tried to shift her sleep times, but she needed to be on the schedule she was on and I had to accept that.

as she got a bit older I found some things that worked for us and did those. I was particularly fond of our library programming. It was always very mellow.

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