Am I damaging my 8 month by not going to baby groups?

[Rainbowjellyfish]

I hate baby groups and playgroups. I find them overwhelming and when I do try to go, the timing never works around naps. However, I worry my boy is missing out on that kind of stimulation. He’s 8 months. He seems like he finds them overwhelming too and often gets upset, but I worry that’s because he’s not used to them enough.

Is it bad that I don’t go to them? We get out everyday for walks, to the shops etc. We might go out for brunch at some point or see some friends. But most days it’s just him and me pottering around the house, playing etc. Am I a bad mum?

As long as you are playing with him, stimulating him and keeping him entertained at home then you’re not a bad mum.

I have taken my 18 month old to baby and toddler classes and stay and plays 5/6 days a week since he was 3 weeks old but I enjoy doing them with him, the routine helps me and I’m the type of person who hates being home all day so it works for us 🥰

It really depends. Any benefits he could get from these groups could be replicated elsewhere... by you at home, getting out and about, meeting up with friends with older children.

I see these groups as having two purposes - one, they're a "sensory experience" for babies (but then so are lots of other things), and two, they allow parents to socialise and make friends with people with similar-age children. If your baby is already getting lots of stimulation and interaction and you already have a social network yourself, then these groups are less valuable.

To give you my experience, I went to lots of groups with DC1 as we'd just moved to the area and I didn't know anyone. It was something to do to get us out of the house and meet people. And a few of those people have become quite close friends who we still have playdates with even though our children are at (different) schools now. So there's been an ongoing benefit for DC1, who has lots of out-of-school friends. But now I know more people and have to do the school run with DC2 (so DC2 already gets out of the house and sees lots of people), I don't really take DC2 to that many groups although we'll probably go to a few more when they're older.

It can help if you want them to catch a few coughs and colds before they start nursery - of they are going to nursery that is. Mine didn't and caught all their coughs/colds/vomiting bugs from germy kids in church halls!

I didn't take mine to any until his birthday (they were closed due to covid). It took a good few months for him to adjust to the noise etc, but I do try to go with him as often as I can. Like you, it's mainly the two of us during the day.

I agree with all your reasons though. It doesn't make you a bad mum. If it's at a really inconvenient time, why kill yourself to make it happen?

Playtime will be easier to schedule when there are less naps to navigate

I don't necessarily think it's damaging but I do think it's neglectful and really poor parenting. It's really not about you, it's about letting your little one explore their world and what and who are in it. Baby groups are about 30 minutes to 1.5 hours once a week!!! Its nothing stop being selfish and get your baby out there to stimulate it's neurons!

Honestly, I think you could be limiting his world quite a lot.

It isn’t the not going to baby classes so much as most days it’s just him and me pottering around the house. I do think babies and children ideally need exposure to different situations and people. Baby classes aren’t the only way you can do this but one of the easiest.

You are being a great mum, he is still only tiny, so doesn't need other kids to play with as they dont do that until older so is perfectly fine being with you. He will be learning so much from watching you, little walks out and activities you do with them.

I found the groups had (mostly) nice other mums in, which was ok once a week or so, i then made a friend in one of the mums to go to the park with when we could fit it in.
But there is no point in going of it doesn't work for you and there is nothing your 8 month old is missing out on

Never been to one and DD is 2.5. She did go to childminder/nursery part time from 12 months though. I hate the idea of them so just never bothered, DD seems perfectly well socialised. We went for walks, saw family and a couple of friends I had who had babies at the same time as me. Baby groups aren't a compulsory part of motherhood despite the pressure often put on women to attend them.

I went for them for me not for my babies! I still have friends from baby groups 20 years later. Make sure you don't get lonely or isolated-if you're not it's fine!

Surely this can't be serious, what a bizarre post

Ni baby has suffered harm by not going to baby groups, what nonsense

I've 3 kids and went to 1 baby class in that entire time.

No it’s fine but probably a good idea to start going when he’s walking. He can use up energy and also get used to other children.

Having a child is noisy, in a few years it'll be soft play areas and trampoline parks etc if this is a pattern of behaviour (which it may not be) Then i think there is potentially a bigger issue here that I'd be spending time trying to understand and overcome if necessary.

What is it you find overwhelming? Is it too noisy, too difficult to get organised to get out the door? Have you become reclusive and find going out to groups and socialising difficult now? Do you find other similar places overwhelming? So could this be a sign of a undiagnosed neuro divergence (which are often inherited) or are you fine everywhere else but baby groups aren't your thing?
If it's too noisy perhaps try those Flare/Calm ear plugs.

At 8 months you won't have caused any damage, your DC only realised the two of you weren't one person a couple of months ago. Baby groups never existed a few decades ago, although we naturally lived in more social and tight knit communities but I'd be encouraging more socialisation as they approach a year old.